Are my children very behind?

[Matildathebrave]

I've had various comments about my two children lately, mainly during the school holidays and some worrying comments about them which has left me feeling low and a bit worried.

I have a 6.5 year old boy and a 2.5 year old girl. They are very intelligent happy children and play well.

The reasons listed below have caused the most comments:

My six year old boy (quite happily) still rides his bike with stabilisers.

My six year old boy can't swim, but happily plays in the swimming pool with armbands and a float.

My two year old still has milk in a bottle.Though drinks other drinks happily from an open cup.

My two year still has a dummy and is in nappies.

I never thought the above were issues until I realised every other child there age has grown out of all the above.

Left feeling really down.

Matilda

[piscesmoon]

Don't compare-it isn't a race! Just enjoy them as they are.

[KembleTwins]

Please don't feel down! All kids develop at different rates.

If it helps, my niece is 6 and has stablisers on her bike.
My DTs are just 3 and one has only been out of nappies a couple of months. One of their friends at nursery turned 3 today and is still in nappies.

Dummies and bottles are up to you - obviously it's a comfort thing, so you need to decide for yourself when you wean them off. My mum recently told me that she had a dummy til she was 5! She hated giving it up so much that she never risked it with me and my sister, as she was at school before she stopped sucking hers.

I would imagine you would find plenty of children who are neither happy nor confident in a swimming pool at the age of 6, with or without armbands.

Don't worry! Sounds like you've got yourself into a bit of a tiz, but nothing sounds abnormal or "backward" to me.

[3cutedarlings]

Sound like two very normal 6.5 and 2.5 year olds to me

[Reallytired]

"My six year old boy (quite happily) still rides his bike with stabilisers."

This is normal, I know plenty of seven year olds who cannot ride a bike.

"My six year old boy can't swim, but happily plays in the swimming pool with armbands and a float."

ditto

"My two year old still has milk in a bottle.Though drinks other drinks happily from an open cup."

"My two year still has a dummy and is in nappies."

I think that most two year olds are either in napppies or regularly pissing their pants. As for dummies its not as if he/she is school age.

[MrsBarbaraKingstanding]

Everyone is in such a rush to do the next thing and measure it.

Your kids sound like you'll probably soon be at the stage of thinking of gently moving them onto the next stage, but no hurry and no prizes for getting there first, or nasty consequences for being the last.

My 6yr old is only just beginning to ride his bike without stabilizers, but that's because we are lazyarses very busy and find it difficult to take him out to practise. we are prioritsing it now though.

My DS1 who is now 9, had his milk in his bottle at bedtime until he was 7!!!!!!(it was a baby bottle but with a spouty thing)

He loved it, no one knew so I let him. No harm done.

[MotheringHeights]

Sounds like you've run into some rude people! Or is it just one person? Some people specialise in running others down.

Your two sound perfectly normal to me.

[MarthaFarquhar]

My 2.5 yo is behind her peers in many things (can't jump, draw a circle/line, nowhere near potty trained), but is ahead of her peers in other ways. I bet yours are the same. Children are not linear in there development and will always have certain strengths, and other things they find hard. Focus on the strengths, even if others don't.

[OrmIrian]

My 6yr old does the same as yours. And when all of mine were 2 they were using bottles at various times and still in nappies.

People who make comments need to mind their own business.

[ShannaraTiger]

Matilda Dd nearly 6 and Ds nearly 3 pretty much the same. Life is not a race, as long as they are happy don't worry about what others are doing. Bike riding and swimming are mainly to do wit practice and cofidence. ds likes his bottle and will give it up when he's ready same as Dd did. Potty training don't even go their and both still suck their thumbs when they are tired.

[Megglevache]

I can tick off most of your points with mine :-)

[LilyBolero]

Well, I have 3 kids, the older 2 are very high achieving (impossible to say that without it sounding wanky, but kywim!), younger 1 is v bright, but in a quirky way, has speech delay and other issues, but is obviously v bright.

Ds1 who has just turned 8 has JUST this week got off his stabilisers - needed the kick up the backside of seeing ....

dd who has just turned 6 doing it.

Ds1 'got' swimming 2 summers ago, so at age 6. Dd learned earlier, but with both of them it was a case of just 'clicking' - as with the bikes - one week they couldn't do it, the next week they could.

Ds2 who is 3.3 is still in nappies.

I REALLY wouldn't worry about it. And swimming and cycling are just things that they 'get' and you can tick them off the list. Honestly - a week ago I couldn't say any of my kids could ride a bike, now the older 2 are really confident and tear up and down the street.

If you want him to learn the swimming and cycling, the key is to go often, like every day. That's how I cracked the swimming with ds1, and dd motivated herself to learn the cycling - she just went and practised every couple of hours for 3 days, and then she got it. And ds1 only took 1 day, of lots of trying. But it does take lots of repetition.

The main thing is not to worry about what they're doing.

[FernieB]

Mine (now 9) were nearly 7 when stabilisers came off the bikes. Despite many years of swimming lessons they just didn't get it until I stopped all lessons and then they pretty much figured it out themselves (they were nearly 8) and now are quite happy to dive off the high diving boards (which I won't do!)

They were still in nappies at 2, although out of them fairly quickly (toilet training was one thing they did reasonably fast) but a lot of their friends were struggling at 3.

Can't comment on the dummies/bottle thing as mine never had dummies and I stopped giving them a bottle just before their first birthday.

Don't worry about it - they'll do it when they're ready. Also, are you sure every other child has grown out of these things? I found that what some mothers say and what their kids actually do are 2 very different things.

[oneopinionatedmother]

they don't sound behind. if you haven't PT'd your dd, she will be in nappies! If you give her a bottle - of course she'll drink it!

DS cycling - well, those stabilisers coming off is down to you (though they will fall off more after that)
I couldn't swim well until my mum took the trouble to teach me (age 7) before then i was in armbands and din't get out of my depth.

these aren't really their developmenal milestones indicating their development IYSWIM - just what thy'e larned so far. if you want to change these things you can. If you don't, don't.

[colditz]

sounds perfectly normal to me.

Your friends won't be quite so smug when their child is a teenager and STILL the first to do everything

[Matildathebrave]

Thank you so so much each and every one of you.

My children are not bothered in the slightest it is the other mums' (well only around four).

I feel so much better reading your replies.

I just took my little boy out on his bike and two four year olds were watching him, he turned round to me grinning and said 'I think they were impressed!' Bless him.

This is my first time on the forum but will def be visiting again.

Love Matilda

[lynniep]

Good lord - stoopid comments!!

I cant offer an opinion on your boy as I'm not there yet!

But

'My two year old still has milk in a bottle.Though drinks other drinks happily from an open cup.'

She likes it that way - so what. My DS (2.5) has his morning milk in a bottle. He has a mate nearly 3 who has his milk in a bottle. My niece is 3.5 and will not take milk from anything other than a bottle. Its her preference. Its not a problem.

'My two year still has a dummy and is in nappies.'

Jes*s - so does/is mine. In fact 80% of DS's little mates are still in nappies. And 50% of them still have a dummy at naptime.

You are right they arent issues - "every other child there age has grown out of all the above" - completely not true

[bluejeans]

DD (9) only came off stabilisers and learnt to swim last year, don't worry about it

Welcome to mumsnet!

[piscesmoon]

One DS could ride without stabilisers before his 4th birthday the other was only a couple of weeks before his 7th birthday-there is no way that anyone can tell now which was which-they do it in their own time. Your DS sounds adorable with his comment- I think he will go far!

[logi]

matilda the brave if your worried perhaps i should... my ds is 5.8 cant ride a bike at all,was in nappies until 3.5,still has a bottle,cant swim....but !! he can use a cup (just likes the bottle as a comfort),is great on his scooter,cant swim but loves jumping in the water,and when he came out of nappies was clean day and night instantly no mistakes i could list endles good things about him as im sure you could about your dc.Like piscesmoon said its not a race .I think they are only young once just enjoy.

[mumeeee]

They are fine just enjoy them and ignore other peoples comments.
I have 3 girls and all of them still had stabilisers on their bikes at 6. A lot of 6 year olds can't swim and most 2 year olds I know are still in nappies,quite a few of them still have dummies and some still have bottles of milk.

[drlove8]

lol , your worrying too much ... my 4 yr olds have milk in bottles at bedtime , and i know someone who didnt learn to swim until she was 34! - i think a lot of people lie about there kids being out of nappies at two..... most still have at least a night nappy until 3 or 4 .

[paisleyleaf]

Some parents make it their business to invest time and effort into these things
and others are more relaxed about following their children's leads.

We invested time, effort and money to get DD swimming as we live on a riverbank, by the sea, so is important to us. Otherwise she perhaps wouldn't be swimming by now.
We haven't really put any time into bike riding. She has fun on her bike with stabilizers, and I'm sure when she starts clocking others doing 2 wheels - she will want to do the same for herself.

Your DCs don't sound behind.
Some mums do try and wean off the bottles for dental health. But there are several children in my extended family who where having milk in a bottle til around 3 years old. I don't think it's particularly unusual.

I don't think you've got anything to worry about.

[cornsillk]

That all sounds perfectly fine to me OP. Don't worry at all.

[CybilLiberty]

My 8 year old can barely swim (after 2 years of lessons) and has only just learned to ride his bike.

My 6 year old REFUSES to even sit on a bike WITH stabilisers and can just float hanging onto the side of the pool.

They would probably both go back to drinking from a bottle

Do not listen to anyone else regarding your children.