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I feel so discouraged with my attempts to gain company for ds

(10 Posts)
rayban Thu 13-Aug-09 15:48:32

I feel as though I am the only one to feel like this and that everybody else has a great social life lined up for their ds during the holidays hence why nobody ever bothers to contact us and ask if my ds wants to come and play or invite him on a day out with them.
Its all getting me down now and I don,t know what to do.
I text people to ask if their ds wants to come to ours and play with my ds and sometimes they do reply but alot of the time they don,t.
I have other parents who promise that my ds can come to theirs but it never happens.
I have taken other parents children out during holidays etc and spent money on them but I just don,t seem to have ever been able to build up any real good relationships for my ds.
My dh thinks I go over the top with this and that I am starting to go over the top with my trying to get friends here for him and that I am making a nuisnace of myself.
Everywhere I go I see groups of children playing together whether it be over the park or in the street and my ds only ever gets the friends over that I break my neck to keep inviting
He is 7 and an only and there isn,t even anyone available for impromptu play in the neighbourhood.
I would like ds to have some more regular company instead of me having to flog myself to death with people who half the time don,t reply to my texts and who never get in touch with us.
I have had him in clubs, and activites during the holidays as at least he gets peer company that way but of course when the activity is over we are in the same situation and I do wonder if its worth it with children who he will never see again anyway.
Please is there anyone who feels like this

YouLukaAmazing Thu 13-Aug-09 15:53:31

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wheresmypaddle Thu 13-Aug-09 15:56:22

Sounds like a difficult situation- not got to this stage yet as my DS in only 2.5 but wondered if you had seen another post in parenting this afternoon titled something like "I feel like a dreadful mother" seems like its not unusual to have this sort of dilemma.

Hopefully some other MNs will have some good advice for you.

deaddei Thu 13-Aug-09 15:57:57

Perhaps when parents pick up their children from you, have your diary ready, say "shall we get a date in the diary for my ds to come to you?"
Do you have friends yourself who have children same age, maybe fron school?
Has he any special friends from school?

lljkk Thu 13-Aug-09 15:58:01

I know your pain, Rayban, except that I have 4 DC close enough in age so they have instant playmates, anyway (though they are bitterly fighting today instead).

I used to host a lot of playdates but got few invites back, and was HARD work to get some of them.

Luckily 2 DC are old enough now to phone up their friends themselves and arrange their own social lives. Honestly, that is the best thing. Can your DS use the phone?

GrapefruitMoon Thu 13-Aug-09 16:01:00

I think the summer holidays are especially hard as people are often away when you are around and vice-versa... also people may want to do family things, need to catch up on dental appointments, etc. (This is the first week we have done much in the way of meeting up with people).

But my main tips would be -

Find out before the holidays start when his friends will be around and try to make firm arrangements for a few days in the first couple of weeks. Too late now but if you bump into any parents from school try to arrange something concrete.

Also at 7, tbh most of the playdates will be instigated by the parents rather than the children and days out tend to be with both mothers (assuming you are a mother!) attending - so the key really is your adult friends - are you friendly with any of the mothers from his class at school? Or do you have friends with children at other schools you could meet up with? It sounds like you don't live near the school he goes to if there are no children he knows nearby - if that's the case obv it's harder and you have my sympathies (we live near dd's school but lots of the pupils live far away and she has seen no-one till this week.)

cocolepew Thu 13-Aug-09 16:01:50

I think you shouldn't push it too much, you don't want your DS picking up on your desparation for him to have friends. If he is going to clubs and activities does he play with other children there? I'm the sort of person that thinks children don't need to be entertained all the time, he's 7 he can play buy himself sometines. Does he have friends at school?

deepdarkwood Thu 13-Aug-09 16:03:12

5 suspect that not everyone is off having lots of fun - most people probably have a few playdates set up, but not much more than that. Remember lots of people will be on hols atm, so may not reply because of that.

tbh, I wonder whether you are trying too hard - try to think about each playdate/activity as good in it's own right - rather than a building block for a lifetime friendship smile

By 7, your ds will know who he likes/doesn't so I'd focus on those people - and also on mums who you like personally/have more in common with. IME, the links are made as much by the parents as the kids to start off with ...

SlartyBartFast Thu 13-Aug-09 16:06:05

i have escaped had a parent keep ringing for playdates with her dd. i have 3 and make plans so does X want to come round for the afternoon is always going to be a No.

i would suggest a definite date, and a phone call rather than a text personally.

katiestar Thu 13-Aug-09 17:49:25

I have 4 DC 2 boys then 2 girls and so they do have playmates within the family.But 3 of my DC have good social lives , but the 3rd one an 8 yr old girl is rarely invited anywhere except for birthday parties.When she rarely does have friends over she really doesn't seem to enjoy it and frequently slopes off to do her own thing.I wonder if this is the same with your DS .Does he actually WANT company or is it more you feel he ought to ?

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