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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

DH and I would like different things to happen when DD (2.8) wakes up....what do you do?

35 replies

BiscuitStuffer · 07/08/2009 07:08

I am CRAP in the mornings and DH is very good.

DD wakes any time from 5:30 to 6:30am and I would love her to just read quietly until the baby wakes at 6-6.30am ish.

DH has this dream that she will potter up to our bed, climb in and lots of lovely cuddles. This is just not her - she always just wants to go downstairs and play.

When DH puts her to bed, he tells her she can come out of her room and come and find us whenever she wakes (though she has no concept of time). When I put her to bed, I tell her that it's time to go and play when the baby wakes but that she has lots of lovely books in her room that she can read if she likes. The end result is that she stays in bed and shouts out to us that she's awake. I'm sure that she used to play quietly for ages and we would know that she was awake because she was singing. She doesn't do this any more.

What happens in your house?

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BonsoirAnna · 07/08/2009 07:10

Wouldn't it just be better if she slept for longer? What time does she go to bed?

BiscuitStuffer · 07/08/2009 07:10

She seems to be waking more 5 - 5:30ish at the mo though which is why I think I'm hoping to eek it out for as long as possible.

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BiscuitStuffer · 07/08/2009 07:12

It would, I agree but nothing seems to make a difference. She goes to bed at 7ish. I remember that she slept later in the winter. She has black out blinds though.

Some days she naps and some she doesn't and that doesn't make any difference either.

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Tortington · 07/08/2009 07:14

i would tell her that she has to stay in bed until the baby wakes - with no entertainment.

she should be sleeping longer IMO

FairyMum · 07/08/2009 07:15

Mine also wakes up bouncy full of energy and want to play when they wake up. Building a train track on the floor at 5 in morning is not my idea of fun either, but its what often happens with small children in the house.

GColdtimer · 07/08/2009 07:15

It depends and because we are not consistent DD gets mixed messages and so you can't blame her for not really knowing what the score is.

DD often comes in between 5-6(5am this morning) and gets into bed. sometimes DH gets out and goes to the spare room, sometimes I do. DD then stays and snoozes until we get up about 6.30. If neither of us get out, she "can't get comfy" so goes into her room to play. i put a story CD on and tell her not to come back until its finished (they last about 30 mins).

What we really should do is ask her to do that every morning but if I am really, really honest - I quite like the snuggle time.

We have got another one on the way though so we need to get it sorted for then.

It sounds like you both need to agree what is going to happen in the morning and stick to it at bedtime. and perhaps incentivise her with stickers or something to make sure she does it. You cue could be the baby waking up but until then she plays quitely. Or your DH needs to agree that he will just get up with her whatever time it is!

TitsalinaBumsquash · 07/08/2009 07:17

Oh i feel your pain!

I am an insomniac, i don't sleep, i would love to though becuase i am always knackered. DP on the otherhand just "cant cope" with early morings.

Our 2 yr old is still waking in the night several times a night at least 4 days a week, its murder.

Both our boys get up at 5.30-6.00 they usually come out thier room and find some mischief to cause until i hear them and get up.

This morning howere after getting ut of bed 4 times to DS2 in the night, they decided to get up at 4am to wcich i shut them in thier room and told them to play or go to sleep and that under no curcumstances would they becoming out for the day before 6am.

I am sick to death of it!

GColdtimer · 07/08/2009 07:18

custardo and bonsoiranna, some children simply do not need as much sleep as others. My DD goes to bed at 7 and only needs between 10 and 11 hours a night. But putting her to bed later doesn't seem to work and she wakes up at the same time tired and grumpy.

Believe me she is 3.3 and after a year of battling with early mornings and trying everything under the sun to get her to sleep more I have just accepted she is an early riser and as she gets older she willget more independent in the morning.

it's really not as simple as "get her to sleep more".

artichokes · 07/08/2009 07:23

Those of you who say she should sleep longer would you care to suggest how to achieve this? My 2.11 year old wakes anytime between 6am & 7am but when we are on a run of 6am wakings nothing but nothing makes her sleep longer. I am only thannkful it's no longer between 5am & 6am (sadly the baby has taken over that mantle). IMO some kids are just early wakers.

OP we got a bunny alarm clock and set it so the bunny wakes at 7am. We tell her that if she wakes before the bunny she has to play quietly in her room & not call us. When she does this she gets a sticker on a reward chart and after 7 stickers she can choose a magazine from the shop. It works pretty well.

GColdtimer · 07/08/2009 07:28

i agree artichokes - if only it were that simple. "you need to get her to sleep more" "Oh, OK, will do that then, hadn't thought of that idea" . We have got a bunny clock too but there i nowhere high to put it and DD just plays with it until "bunny has woken up now".

For those of us with early risers - I console myself with the thought that when DD is a teenager I am going to start hoovering her room at 6AM and keep on to her about getting up to go and make me a cup of tea at all sort of god awful times of the night.

BiscuitStuffer · 07/08/2009 07:31

That's the trouble - I'm always getting up for one or either or both of them 1-3 times per night. DH just doesn't seem to most of the time but I think it's because DD always gets more wound up with him in the night and always seems to settle better with me too. I'm all for him practising though . Most week days I'm on sole morning duty as he's always gone to work.

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BonsoirAnna · 07/08/2009 07:33

7 is really early. Put her to bed around 10.

BiscuitStuffer · 07/08/2009 07:34

10 is too late.

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BonsoirAnna · 07/08/2009 07:34

Or 9.

artichokes · 07/08/2009 07:39

Putting her to bed at 9pm won't mean she gets more sleep BA. Even is she slept to between 8 and 9 it would be the same amount of sleep this not achieving your stated aim of getting her to sleep longer. Personally I need toddler free evenings so shifting her hours like that would be a big no-no.

WoTmania · 07/08/2009 07:40

DS1 was like this until very very recently (he's 3.7). Anywhere between 4.30 and 5.30 and when he's awake he's awake. At weekend DH (who likes mornings) would take him downstairs but I just used to lay in bed trying to get more sleep growling at DSs to either get in an cuddly quietly (DS2 does) or go and play nicely.

We have had an improvement though in that suddenly putting him to bed later means he wakes up later rather than before when he woke the same time or earlier and was foul all day.

twofalls - I often think that. When he's 13 I can go in at 5am yelling.' Wake up. Wake up. I want breakfast!' In reality I'll probably just savour the peace.

GColdtimer · 07/08/2009 07:40

in that case biscuitstuffer, you really need to set the score for what is going to happen in the morning if you are the one dealing with it. Doesn't matter what your DH would like to happen, you are the one who had to get up so start telling her what is going to happen in the morning i.e - that she plays quietly in her room until the baby wakes, she doesn't distrub you and if she does this she gets a sticker (like in artichokes house).

TitsalinaBumsquash · 07/08/2009 07:44

Who put a 2.8 yr old at 9 or 10pm?

GColdtimer · 07/08/2009 07:44

I agree artichokes, I need my evenings too and I don't actually think it would acheive anything.

WoTmania - you have given me hope - it will get better! to be honest, it is getting better anyway. Even though DD still wakes up early she isn't as demanding as she was. And we watch quite a bit of TV in the morning too I'm afraid.

Tortington · 07/08/2009 07:48

i never got up before 6 ( after the baby stage) i need my sleep or no-one in the family can function.

no two children are the same i grant you. however i can only give advice on my experience.

my children stayed in bed and went back to sleep more often than not.

i didn't pander or coddle - simply said " back in bed, its not time to get up yet"

BonsoirAnna · 07/08/2009 07:58

"To sleep longer" doesn't mean "to sleep more hours in total"! It means to sleep longer in the morning.

BonsoirAnna · 07/08/2009 07:59

This recurrent problem of children waking early only happens in the UK, where children are put to bed far too early

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whomovedmychocolate · 07/08/2009 08:03

Well DD sleeps from about 7ish to about 8ish - after sleeping till 4am for oooh ages....so there is hope. Sadly now she has to get up for preschool so we have an alternate battle on our hands!

We have a rule that at bedtime (and that includes early morning) you can stay awake as long as you like as long as you are in bed and quiet (we quite often find DD playing with her toys in bed in the morning and curled up cuddling various cups from her tea set last thing at night.)

Perhaps you could achieve your ambition of agreeing with your partner by pointing out there is little chance of the two of you having an intimate cuddle with a small wriggling person in the bed with you?

DS wakes at about five every sodding morning though - you see that's the problem, they all start being vaguely sociable in the morning and as a result you get pregnant with another

WoTmania · 07/08/2009 08:08

BonsoirAnna - I lived in France as a child, we had many friends who went to bad at the same time as us
Ds1 would wake anyway no matter how late I put him to bed. The result was a grumpy toddler who had had on average 7 hours sleep and a tired ratty me who had had even less and was pregnant/had small baby and needed more sleep than that. But there are times, I agree, when people put the children to bed too early and then complain that they won't go to sleep. maybe put them to bed when they are tired.

BiscuitStuffer · 07/08/2009 08:09

I think that the issue is not really her sleeping for longer, it's whether or not it's reasonable to expect her to stay in her room playing quietly and until what time. Or am I being a meany?

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