1st child syndrome - advice on dealing with it please

[myermay]

was hoping Isomeone could give some advice on how to deal with first child sydrome

I've got 2.5 yrs between my 2 sons and the eldest (6) one is so dominant, tries to talk over ds2 (4), always want to go first at everything, not great at sharing, talks badly to him, and basically thinks he should have more of everything than this brother.

It's driving us nuts - he's such a lovely boy and incrediably loving but i'm finding his ways increasingly annoying since the holidays. It's not just me, his teachers for the past 2 years have said the same thing, he's very competitive, thinks he should always be first etc.

When he's confronted about these things it's like he doesn't get it,he shows no compasion for others, and doesn't seem to care whose feeling he hurts as long as he can at least try to get his own way. I noticed it when he had 2 friends over the other day, he tried to dominate it all and it backfied on him and they said they didn't want to play anymore with him - which i know is kids stuff, but i don't see anyone elses kids like this. I'm just worried that it'll make him unpopular as he gets older.

How should i deal with this? i don't let him get his own way, infact i often make sure he takes the last turn, just to prove to him he doesn't get what he wants.

any advice would be great thanks

[CADS]

Hi myermay,

Can't give any advice but I am experiencing the same thing with DS and DD. DS definitely likes to boss DD around and its ok for him to receive things when DD doesn't but when its the other way round all hell breaks loss.

Anyway, just letting you know that you not the only one going through this and I will definitely be watching this thread.

CADS

[myermay]

thanks, good luck too

[trollbeadaddict]

Not sure this is just to do with your ds being a first child as I can see how first child / second child behaviour might work with ds2, but not sure why it would also affect relationships with other children too? But from what you're saying about his friends, it sounds like he's already getting lessons in how to behave and what is or is not acceptable with his peers, so pretty soon, he'll learn how to behave properly with his friends (in my experience, kids are sometimes better at getting other kids to behave in a socially acceptable way than adults - I was amazed at how a group of my DD1's friends "managed" a very difficult child who had come for a sleepover and was making my evening unbearable). Might be trickier in getting your DS to treat his brother properly though - my take some intervention. My DS1 has always been slightly jealous of her sister and hates losing to her, but she's got better as she's got older (she's 13) even though she still expects preferential treatment. Just keep explaining that his actions are upsetting and hurtful - I'm sure in time he'll understand. Or end up very succesful!

[SarfEast]

If you have two dogs and one is more dominant that the other, if the owner tries to over compensate and reassert the more submissive dog then the assertive dog just bullies it even more. You have to respect their different stations in life.

My point is that if your two boys are different then that is just how they are. I don't think you can do much to change that, and in trying to teach your older boy lessons you may even be making him feel that the way he is isn't really good enough.

He'll have lots of experiences at school and in life where he will learn that he won't always win, either that or he will be incredibly rich

[myermay]

thanks for your advise, i hear what you're saying Sarfeast - i don't want to crush his determind and competitive streak - but it drives me nuts that he thinks he doesn't have to listen and that everything he does is better than the next person iyswim. My sister dominated me and always had to take the lead, and she's still the same!!!

[SarfEast]

My brother was like that too, it taught me to be devious and to fight dirty