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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Toddler experienced very frightening near death experience and I too am shocked!

27 replies

bumbly · 09/07/2009 22:55

in laws cam to visit/baby sit

i have just done some diy and put new bookscases up

one ws left emtpy as this weekend was going to be fixed to wall before putting items in it

father in law put a toy out of reach from lo (why?? i sitll dont know!!!) on high shelf of this bookcase and toddler out of blue (an has never done this before) screams as bookcase comes hurtling down..he must have tried to climb bookcase...bookcase falls landing on opposite wall but all shelves came off and hit him though.

he is 23 months old and very impressionable

father and mother in law never let me see him today properly and keep saying he is well

i know he is def traumatised and was def wanting me rather than them

veyr heavy case that apperently did not touch him as landed on opposite wall of narrow room...but very vague details given to me...wall opposite completely damaged by bookcase pounding into it and needs redecorating..that could have been his skull!

i could see no bruising so i hope it is true but maybe incognito bump

sleeping now

lo very shaken and i am now

bookcase would have killed little one for sure if hit him as very heavy bookcase and i still cant beleive he was not hit but lied down in triangle between shelf and wall

how do i make him ok again...was a special bookcase all for him and now.....and all i keep hearing is thud then scream from upstairs...

OP posts:

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bumbly · 09/07/2009 22:56

and it has ruined "feel" of his bedroom!

house feels scary and dangerous!

am such a bad mum!

OP posts:

bumbly · 09/07/2009 22:56

and it has ruined "feel" of his bedroom!

house feels scary and dangerous!

am such a bad mum!

OP posts:

kormachameleon · 09/07/2009 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadow · 09/07/2009 22:58

How scary. And how careless to not have the shelf secured.

But:

"father and mother in law never let me see him today properly and keep saying he is well"

What do you mean?

Where are YOU?
Where is the child?

Shitemum · 09/07/2009 22:58

What do you mean they wouldn't let you see him properly?
He should be checked over at A+E.

KingCanuteIAm · 09/07/2009 22:59

Why on earth would they not let you see him and comfort him?

Sounds very frightening for both of you, I am sure ds will be fine, they do all get up to mis-adventures and get bumps and bruises, as long as there is not real damage they tend to get over these things without too much emotional scaring. I am sure ds will be fine, I would want to have a word about in-laws behaviour though

cornsilk · 09/07/2009 23:00

Take him to A and E.

bumbly · 09/07/2009 23:07

he is sleepiong and i am downstairs

they cam eot babysait and i kept wanting to check him over and they kept taking him to garden etc saying heis fine

managed ot change nappy and quickyl check of there was bruising

no sign

OP posts:

bumbly · 09/07/2009 23:07

he is sleepiong and i am downstairs

they cam eot babysait and i kept wanting to check him over and they kept taking him to garden etc saying heis fine

managed ot change nappy and quickyl check of there was bruising

no sign

OP posts:

bumbly · 09/07/2009 23:10

basically kept getitng in way of proper check

but what is bets way to cheer up a lo tomorrow if is suffering form being scared form falloing bookcase

and yes careless but was up all bniught putting it up and was oging to fix all the cases this weekeknd##

am only human

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 09/07/2009 23:10

Bumbly, are you ok? You sound very distressed. Are they with you now or did they go home?

littlelamb · 09/07/2009 23:11

???
so you are all together in the house but you haven't checked on him

Northernlurker · 09/07/2009 23:11

Well I think you will be more scared than him tbh, the fright he's got will fade. It's very concerning though that you don't feel you can assert yourself in front of your in laws. Where is your partner?

Shitemum · 09/07/2009 23:12

How many hours ago was this?
Standard advice after a fall or head injury is to wake them up every 2 hours and see if their responses are normal, (tho why they should be in the middle of the night after repeatedly having their sleep interrupted I don't know...)
I would still take him to A+E to be on the safe side, and your inlaws shouldn't have brushed you off like that.

KingCanuteIAm · 09/07/2009 23:13

Tomorrow? Cuddles, fun, a trip to the park? Just try to have a fun Mummy and Ds day together

Alestorm · 09/07/2009 23:15

It can be very hard to stand up to overbearing IL's, but there would be no way I would let IL's (or anyone) stand in my way to check over my dc if i thought they were injured.

Is there more to this story?

I would wake him and check on him IIWY - not necessarily for him but for my own peace of mind. Lots of cuddles and mummy time tomorrow. It is so scary when something like this happens.

KingCanuteIAm · 09/07/2009 23:16

Bumbly? Are you ok?

Shitemum · 09/07/2009 23:17

If he is ok then i wouldn't avoid the bookcase or assume he's scared of it. Go with him and 'tell the bookcase off' for falling on him. Get him to put a couple of his things on it so he feels like he's 'in charge of it'. And screw it to the wall!

Olihan · 09/07/2009 23:19

Best way is just to be completely normal about it. He's only tiny, his memory won't be that good and he won;t be completely traumatised by it.

You will be, for a bit, it's a natural reaction to go through all the what-ifs but if you just act normally he will realise there's nothing to worry about.

If he mentions it a cheery 'It was a big bump, wasn't it? But it's okay now' then distraction will be the best reaction.

If you are OTT in your reaction then he will pick up on your anxiety and stress. He's more impressionable in terms of what he picks up from you than his own mental state. He isn't old enough to think 'OMG, that could have killed me', etc. All he may be thinking is 'Ooh, that was a big bang and a bump which was a bit ouchy'. He'll probably have forgotton about it by the morniing, tbh.

Let him be your guide. Don't mention it unless he does, be normal around him and cheerfully reassuring if he does say anything.

And fix the bookcase to the wall .

Better still, get your FIL to do it, if he wants to help.

NeedaNewName · 09/07/2009 23:34

Still don;t get how IL stopped you from seeing your son properly no matter how overbearing they might be.

As others have said you are probably more upset than him but would still take him to the hospital for a check up and use this opportunity to assert yourself with IL

Olihan · 10/07/2009 00:12

Do you know for sure that the shelves hit him? Did anyone actually see it happen?

I think you need to ask your ILs (or get your dh to do it, if you think they will open up more to him) exactly what happened and go from there.

I'd be very surprised if he was completely unmarked by several wooden shelves landing on him. There would have been red marks and possibly scrapes from the edges/corners at the very least if he had been hit.

You come across from your posts on here as a very anxious, under-confident mum and I wonder whether that is behind your ILs' reaction today. They may have been thinking that you would stress and fuss and make things worse, hence them 'keeping' him from you. A mis-guided attempt to keep things calm.

Flynnie · 10/07/2009 08:43

Bumbly, I hope that you and ds are okay today.

He really will forget all about it very quickly as long as you don't keep fretting about it in front of him.
If he seems okay today then don't worry, these things happen.

Like other posters have said though, I really think that you have to address your ILs behaviour. Its not on. Your child was hurt on their watch and for them to brush it off like that is not on.

Do they treat you like this a lot?

LIZS · 10/07/2009 13:56

Hope you and lo are ok today, how horrible. The incident is probably more shocking for you than him, he won't be aware of the potential consequences just an immediate fright. However he won't have bad associations unless you reinforce them, be positive and let him see you set the room right. Fix them firmly to the wall asap(and anything similar ). I'm also not sure you can entirely blame pils's as such since presumably they weren't responsible for the shelves not being fixed but either tell them they have to fully supervise him or don't let them have the responsibility again. Were they upstairs with him at the time ? What did your dh say ? He needs to back you up .

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 10/07/2009 14:11

This happened to me, TWICE!! Once when DD1 was just about pulling herself up on the furniture, pulled chest of drawers down on herself - it was only the way the drawers came out that stopped the thing from squashing her. She was unhurt. When she was older, pulled her wardrobe down on herself - we run into the room to find the wardrobe flat on the floor, but THANK GOD the door had swung back and DD .
was in the right place .

You are absolutely not a bad mum.

am worried that you let ILs bully you though.

dm623 · 11/07/2009 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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