I feel depressed that I have only arranged one playdate for my ds

[ghostcaller]

Hi
Its something that has got to me for some time and I feel as though I am the only one that feels like this and that everyone else must have no shortage of mates for their dc's to play with during holidays, weekends etc.
Its now the school holidays again and I have been thinking of what I can do about a supply of friends for only 8 year old ds.
The trouble is that I just feel like a nuisance contacting people as they never contact me.
Yesterday at the school I tried to arrange for one of his classmates to come who hasn,t been before but who ds really likes, it was the childs father that I spoke to and he took my number for the mom to phone me to arrange and I never got a phone call.
I have text someone but no reply.
I just get really depressed about it and I am sitting here thinking my ds has no one until thursday.
Even the odd one or two that I know with only children never contact me first I feel so alien in feeling like I do.
Please is there anyone out there with an only who feels like me it just feel s so lonely to be like this.
I feel as though I am to blame for not really making any close freinds with children I would dearly love to have friends to text phone and then within moments have a housefull and a trip somewhere even somebody whose house me can go on a visit to.
I am sitting here and I feel like crying about it I feel so bad.

[Starbear]

We have an only Ds. Your not alone. It's too late now to fix anything but you could take him on a great day out or see some relatives! For the future what about Cubs.
As soon as Ds is old enough he's going to join (I'm going to help too)
Just by being a part of the Scouts will sort out school hols and weekends. I don't think you'll have to work so hard
Hope this helps.

[ghostcaller]

Well we are taking him out on thursday to somewhere that they should both love.
He did join beavers sometime ago but got fed up and quit.
I have mentioned holiday clubs to him but he seems to hate the thought although I am sure that once there he would love it.
He can kick up such a fuss about going though

[ghostcaller]

I never used to feel like this when ds was younger its only been in the last couple of years.
He is happy enough and has had the odd mate on a sleepover and had the odd one home from school, but its only me that instigates this contact if it wasn,t for my efforts he would never play with anyone.

[throckenholt]

did you get the phone number of the dad ? Give them a ring - he may not have passed on the message.

[ghostcaller]

The time he was at beavers I just felt that it was somewhere to go for 1 hour once a week
Although I am sure that if ds had of stuck it out we would have experienced more of what they had to offer.

[Lizzylou]

Around here we have cricket and football courses run over the holidays, they can go for a day/couple of days or the whole week.

Would that be of interest to your DS?

How about after half term really trying to get a few boys who come round regularly so you have a stack of numbers for the school holidays? I am sure that working mothers would love a friend for their son who they could go to for a day/days in the holidays?

[ghostcaller]

I didn,t throckenholt the trouble with me is that I don,t like to seem to pushy.
Ds said that the freind was really keen to come so sort of thought that he would have reminded them.

[Starbear]

I might be asking you for advice later then.
I suspect my DH won't let Ds not join in!!!
He's a PE teacher!
I became a Dukes of Edinburgh Award leader never having done such a thing as a kid. I loved it. I'm hoping that Ds will love that sort of thing too when he's older. Are there any activities you could do together with other families like tennis or judo. Just ideas!

[bigTillyMint]

Maybe he should try the cubs now he's 8 - they do more exciting stuff than beavers! Would any of his friends join up with him?

How does he get on at school - does he have lots of friends, or is he a bit shy with just one or two, or does he prefer to be on his own?

[bigTillyMint]

Also, do you do anything together as a family where you meet other families, like camping? Then maybe you could all make some friends together?

[ghostcaller]

I do have another phone number but they are always going away when it comes to holidays.
I just know that if I text them they will say they going away.
I suppose its worth a try.
I will probably look into clubs for the 6 weeks now and try and bear and grin this holiday.
I do work two nightshifts a week on a monday and tuesday.
I have always gone out of my way to be here for ds I am probably too much that way.
I do have a few numbers but either they don,t reply or they are away or something.
My ds can also be a funny so and so and can be a bit picky over who comes. I have two other numbers but ds doesn,t want these particular friends to come.
I feel like banging my head up a wall.

[ghostcaller]

We are quite a reserved family really who keep ourselves to ourselves I have always myself been a shy person a real curse to me.
Ds has never had a shortage of freinds at school but does always tend to make two or three really good ones that he would want to see out of school.
I think that maybe cubs is worth another go maybe I am focusing on the playdate thing too much and should think more about clubs etc.

[ghostcaller]

I worry about looking in need of playdates for ds when I text these people.

[Starbear]

I never think people are needy when they phone! I jsut think Oh! at last someone want to be my friend. I think you need to be brave and keep in touch with advice on here

[TBCoalman]

I know we snurk about them, but the netmums meeting board is very good for meeting new friends.

Second the cubs idea - ds has made tons of friends since joining, and has extra activities with them most weekends.

[TBCoalman]

We often bump into people we vaguely know in the library. If they are bored too then we make plans to meet in the park with a packed lunch.

We made lots of family friends by going to Church Parade with the cubs.

Mind you, sometimes it is nice to have a week when you don't have to see anyone. If you don't manage to arrange anything for this week, try to see it as a nice break from socialising for your son. School friendships can be a bit full on sometimes.

[bigTillyMint]

Also, if he does want to try cubs, be persistent with getting him to go each week - maybe you could volunteer to "help" and then you will get to know the other children and some of the parents. And they do loads of extra stuff as well as the meetings. Get him to stick with it to get to know the others properly

[ICANDOTHAT]

Ghostcaller I bet if you asked all the mums at school, a third would admit to being a bit shy when it comes to asking about play dates. I have been surprised by the number of mums that have confided in me about that. I have always been 'out there' and as a result, both my dc have regular visits to friends houses or vice versa. You have said you are a reserved family and a bit shy - others will pick up on this and maybe feel you are not interested in them or their kids. You need to break the ice and go for it - and if they say no, then don't take it personally because it isn't ... maybe another time. Try to arrange them a bit in advance as parents with more than one child often have routines after school and in the holidays. Why don't you ask around if any are going to holiday clubs and maybe your ds could go along. GET CALLING ......

[snice]

Do you have an Odeon cinema near you? Kids Club film for half term is Bolt-£2.50 per child and free for adult. Why don't you tell a few mums in the playground that you are going and would they like to come along too?

[lingle]

I wondered if you were shy yourself and see that you are. Are you finding this harder because you felt lonely as a child? If so you have to be terribly careful not to relive it through him as I'm sure you appreciate.

[luvoneson]

I only have one ds who happens to be 8 years old as well and your story is very familiar to me. On school holidays no matter how much i try to do with ds he quite often says that he wants a friend to play with. He seems to have lots of friends at school and i have told him that he can always invite a friend home, but this never happens, and he never gets invited. (i dont know why because he is a very nice boy and people comment on his manners etc..) I sympathise with you. If you live in Brentwood Essex let me know.