Nearly 5 yr old ds making up stories - advice needed

[MollieO]

Ds is 5 next month. He has always had a very active imagination and we are used to him making up stories. Today his grandma drops him at school. His teacher asks to have a word and tells her that ds told her in class that mummy hit grandma. She wasn't concerned but has asked for me to talk to ds.

I was mortified and called the school to speak to his teacher. She said they were talking about the 10 commandments including thou shalt not kill and were talking about not hurting people and being kind (to fit in with school's golden rules). Ds put his hand up and in front of the class told the teacher that mummy punched grandma on holiday because grandma had hurt mummy's finger and made it bleed. Not a scrap of truth in it (and we haven't been on holiday together since last summer).

Previously his stories have been quite funny - made up holidays etc. I'm concerned that the amount of made up detail he gives might make someone think they are true. Obviously I am going to talk to him tonight but I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

[ataraxis]

I am hoping that it is something they grow out of (quickly..). My ds2 (4) is very similar, and the stories can range from the sublime to the ridiculous (when I was in Korea, I didn't really like the food (?!)' to much more worrying (in a similar way to yours) like when he heard a friend telling me about a boy who was locked in a cupboard at school for refusing to wear his jumper . Next day on the way to nursery, ds2 started a sentence with... 'When I was locked in the cupboard, I didn't like it...' .

I told nursery the whole thing, just in case he decided to tell them all about how he had been locked in a cupboard... thankfully they know us well!

No real advice on how to stop it though, ds is still very much into his alternative life

[jellybelly25]

I think a LOT of them do this, my dd1 used to come up with incredible stories in incredible detail... at age 4 "my mummy is having another baby and needs to buy a yellow car for us all to fit in" (i did not at this point have a driving license so my mum was a bit ) You have to just prepare the people they are in regular contact with for it! The hitting thing was probably cos he's picked up that its' dramatic and draws a bit of a reaction.

I've learnt 2 things from mine and my sister's kids - 1) don't get angry about it cos it makes them worse and 2) it's normal

It's a bit different when they're older and they lie to get out of trouble or avoid things etc but at the moment it's not too much of an issue. The only thing I can think of is when they launch into it is to ask 'is this an exciting story?' or words to that effect. dd1 got quite good at telling you what was a story and what wasn't in the end.

[ICANDOTHAT]

There're great aren't they. My ds2 told his teacher his dad had met a lady in Africa and was going to live with her WTF !! Dad had actually been working away in Atlanta and gone with a few woman colleagues. Thanks Son !!

[MollieO]

Thanks for your comments! I suppose what concerns me is also the fact that his teacher arrived in school at 7.30am this morning in the hope of seeing me at before school care (I don't do the school run on Thursdays). I suppose I should be thankful that this sort of tale has happened at this stage in the school year rather than at the beginning. I reckon if it had been September I'd be getting a call from social services.

I won't get cross with him but I do want him to try and understand when made up stories are okay and when they aren't. I am also now dreading bumping into other mums in case their sons have reported back what ds said

[jellybelly25]

sounds a bit ott from the teacher to me.

lol icandothat that is so funny!

My dd told her school that when comes to sleep at our house he doesn't wear any pants. they sad to her how old is she said 21! He was in fact her 2yo cousin lol!!

I would encourage him to say things like IMAGINE IF or I"VE GOT A STORY FOR YOU, perhaps?

also just talk to a trusted mum REALLY LOUD about how FUNNY this thing he said was, when you next fetch him

[Jux]

DD did this sort of thing too.

I told her how proud I was that she had such a good imagination and was a brilliant story teller (her teacher and a lot of her class mates were always on about her story telling abilities, so she 'knew' this anyway).

I then went on to say that some stories are not so good as others. I explained that telling a story that can get somebody else into trouble was not a good story to tell, unless it was a true story.

I can't remember exactly what I said, it happened nearly 5 years ago, when she was about your dc's age. She was quite able to understand what I was getting at. As far as I know, she hasn't done it since (no one's said anything or looked at me in a funny way, anyway ).

Her teacher has just said that she's a drama queen though! (She takes after dh. Really she does.)

[MollieO]

We had a chat about it and I think ds understands what he said wasn't very nice. I think his teacher wanted a word in person rather than calling me, hence the early arrival as she knows I drop off early.

Ds does have one heck of an imagination. He told me yesterday that God saves us..... from pirates . When I asked him who told him that he said that Jesus had come to the house and told him. I mentioned that to the teacher when we spoke (as he'd said about the punching in RE). She laughed and said she hadn't told him that.

From what his teacher said I think ds is well known for his vivid imagination.

I like the way you approached it Jux. I will try that on the way to school tomorrow (I get ds to pay attention best when he is in the car).

[GrapefruitMoon]

I have noticed that ds2 and his classmates (also 5) have all started telling tall stories lately - they are quite funny because they are obviously stories. However dd shocked me at the same age by telling me an elaborate story about someone in her class hurting her which was a total fabrication...and then she told the teacher it had happened at home

[MummyPig]

Jux that is a great approach, must remember it. Kids can come out with some strange stuff can't they? MollieO sounds like your teacher has worked out your ds is quite a story teller.

JellyBelly that no pants story made me laugh .

Maybe it's part of them working out what things get bigger reactions? My sister used to tell everyone stories about her imaginary dog, which was killed off at a certain point. Someone from school told mum 'I'm so sorry to hear about your dog' when we didn't even have one, and it took her a while to work out what was going on.

Then my other sister told the doctors about her roast dinner she'd had just before a major operation... the operation was almost cancelled until my parents were able to persuade the medics it was all fictional.