Come and tell me to snap out of it, please.

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

I'm suddenly feeling like DH's vasectomy was a mistake, and feeling terribly sad that i'll never feel a child move inside my tummy again, never breastfeed again, never see the first baby milestones again, etc etc.

We have 2 gorgeous boys, both quite young and under 3yrs old, and we felt 2 kids was enough, so DH had the snip almost as soon as DS2 was born.

Last night over a couple of drinks i confided in DH that i sometimes feel a bit sad about it now, and he was sympathetic, and we ended up having a theoretical conversation about babies- ie 'IF we had another, I bet we'd have another boy' and so on.

The daft thing is, we couldn't really afford another child, and our home and car are too small for a 3rd child.Also, our plates are very full with our toddlers already. We stopped at 2 because of this, and also, i was one of 4 and there wasn't much money, so i never went on big school trips and only went abroad once on holiday as a child. I want to be able to give my boys more than i had, and we aren't rich, so we've tried to be sensible.

I know the snip CAN be reversed, but it doesn't always work, it's expensive and very painful (DH was in a lot of pain after the snip as it was) I suppose i'm just looking for someone to tell me to pull myself together, or that they felt like this and it passed?

I felt tearful in work last week when i was one of my colleagues who's pregnant, and thought that'll never be me again. Sorry for waffling on.

[thirtypence]

I'm sorry that you feel this way. Two of my friends have had babies since dh had the snip and it hasn't set me off like this.

Ds was 5 when he had the op though. Maybe that makes a difference.

[Karamazov]

I understand where you are coming from. My DH had the snip when DD2 was under a year. I could have had more - but he had only wanted the one, had compromised with 2 and was absolute that he did not want more. It did take a while to come to terms with it - I know I secretly hoped for a long time that it hadn't worked. However, I also kept telling myself the reasons why we stuck at two. Eventually, I could see the reasons and that they made sense. There is a small part of me that would like a little baby, but actually I don't want a third now. I think I have made it the right decision for us - I know that we are better off this way and a third would actually cause us lots of practical problems, so now I am glad... but it does take a long time. HTH

[FlorenceofArabia]

Go out and do something fun with your boys and count your blessings instead of wanting more - you lucky woman!

(Slightly longer way of saying "snap out of it")

[smellyeli]

Poor you. I feel like this. We have a DS and DD, they are gorgeous, but I am currently very sad that we won't have any more. I think I'm having a weird sort of bereavenebt reaction for the 3rd child I'm not going to have - completely irrational, I know. BUT - I am soooo looking forward to moving on to th next phase of our family life - all going on bike rides, all going to the cinema, reading books all together - stuff that would be so much more difficult to do with a baby in the mix. So I am telling myself to get a grip and count my blessings - you can join me in that, if you like!

[smellyeli]

Sorry - typing gone mad. I meant bereavement. Except of course it isn't.

[Chaotica]

Awww, Grrrl. Have an e-hug from a longterm posting friend.

(And search for some of the early 2 under 2 threads in the archives when we were at our wits end - that's what it's like to have toddlers and babies and we were at our wits end ).

Can't help but feel some sympathy (and empathy) for you though. DP doesn't want any more (and we would start to struggle to afford it).

[Skimty]

I think that smellyeli is right; when you get to the next stage you will feel better.

I feel very tearful too. DH has decided absolutely no more (I have 2 under 3 too) and I hate seeing pregnanct people etc.

But I think when I start having full nights sleep again, doing things with the children when they are older it may be easier.

[bytheLiffey]

I think it's an entirely natural process of adjustment. You feel sad, and it is fairly real, but it is your subconscious processing the information that there'll be no more children.

For most people that's a gradual realisation,and for you it's been speeded up, which is heightening the feelings of 'broodiness'.

IF the feelings don't pass then maybe you could talk your husband into adopting from China. I would have loved to have done this (in a parallel universe married to a supportive man). Obviously the process is long and arduous, but htere are so many girls who could have a family.

[FlorenceofArabia]

I would not advise anyone to enter the process of adopting a child from China now. People are currrently waiting three years (and increasing)to be matched with a child and this is AFTER they have gone through the homestudy process in the UK which takes over 2 years.

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

thanks guys. I'm feeling a bit better. I went to the supermarket today and saw a couple with 2 toddler boys and newborn, having the shopping trip from hell, which also helped.

I think you're right bytheliffey- it's an adjustment. Of course i'll be a bit sad that i won't have the baby stuff again, but then the only solution would be to keep having baby after baby, which is obviously ridiculous.

DH an i have always been open to the idea of adopting, and at some point i'd like to become a foster parent. Perhaps if this doesn't pass, these are things i can think about then, but i have 2 healthy, boisterous kids who take alot of my time right now.