Some advice please regarding ds1

[TLESinChristmasStockings]

right i will try and keep this as short as poss.

ds1's sperm donor and I split when ds1 was 22m old. he saw him regularly for 6m then went off and repeated this every year until 2006 when on ds1's 7th b;day he told him he no longer wanted to see ds1. I have to say I did then put my foot down the next time sperm donor made contact and told him no way was he seeing ds1.
Well ds1 is now 10, i have ds215m with dp who i have been with since 2006, who loves ds1, calls him his son, takes him out so they have plenty of 1-1 time, and is an all round brilliant dad to both boys.

DS1 is an angel for him when they are out together but every day and i mean everyday DS1 screams at me, ignores me is totally rude and disrespectful and then 5 minutes later wants to be my best friend when he has screamed my home down...
When we are all together he also ignores dp if he asks him to do something. Just like he does with me.

I have to admit i do shout at him and i have stopped myself earlier this evening slapping his leg for the way he spoke to me and also the way he was bullying ds2, unfortunatly he carried on and I did slap his hand. I don't feel bad about it as he had slapped ds2 who is only a baby, YES I know i will be slated for what I said.

But please I am at the end of my tether as this behaviour has gone on now for almost 6 yrs. I have taken him to a child psych who said he knows what he is doing he will stop when he is ready.

He screams so loud that when we were in our old flat and ds2 was a tiny baby we ended up with 4 police officers in our flat as someone thought there was a domestic going on. When they came in and saw me crying, ds2 sleeping, dp sitting calmly and ds1 was in his bedroom. I explained what had happened and off one officer went to talk to ds1 alone. I did worry because ds1 had already told me if i took him anywhere about his behaviour he would say i beat him, which i don't. Anyway officer came back into living room and said, "you have an extremely intelligent little boy in there and he knows exactly what he is doing with his behaviour"

And off they went, he then tells us (ds1 this is)
"Yes I know what i am doing, I can stop if i want but i don't want to"

A few weeks ago he really upset dp and myself by telling us he is only misbehaving so dp leaves and ds2 has no dad like him. DP has done more with him in 3 yrs than his sperm donor has done in 10 1/2 yrs.

Anyone got any advice? I am so worn out by it all.

[Orangutan]

Family counselling?

More 1:1 time with you & DS1?

Hope you work it out...