DS just attacked me and his dad.

[ComeWhineWithMe]

He ignored me twice ,when I told him that he could not go on the DS ,5 mins later I turned around and he was on it so I told him to go to bed ,he just carried on sitting there so I told him again(not shouting calmly) he stood up and started yelling .Hos dad took his hand and tried tolead him to bed so he kicked him in between the legs ! He them ran to the other side of the room and I did shout at him .I got a heavy booklet launched at me it hit my arm and has left a mark .
He then went upstairs and threw a footspa down stairs which broke.
He is 11 and doing very well at school and home .

[MaryBeWaiting]

Is this the first time something like this has happened? My two are younger, so I've got all this to come. Just wanted to offer you my sympathy - how are you going to deal with it? DD (9) gets her DS confiscated if she's rude to me while playing on it, how long for depends on how rude she was. But he's hurt you AND DH, AND he's broken something of yours...

How are things this morning?

[stitch]

doesnt sound at all out of the ordinary to me.
they have tantrums at this age. exactly like they did when they were two. the difference is that they are physically capable of hurting you. without realising it, and are old enough to later feel a massive amount of remorse.
imo, the things you did incorrectly:
1 engage with him immediately after telling him not to play on the ds. if you had waited half an hour or so, pretending for that time that you didnt know what he was doing, he would have been more likely to have paid attention to you, and you would have kept some level of adult respect.
2 his dad trying to physically lead him out. not a good idea with an 11 year old.

suggestions imo. : make him pay for the footspa. ground him for a week. no tv. no ds. the ds is easily accomplished by hiding it, and the charger. also, guilt him big time about the bruise on your arm.
lots of luck. i too have an 11.5 year old. he is harder work now than toddlers ever were

[gagarin]

This isn't "attacking" you - this is having a physical tantrum.

He had decided to ignore you and his dad reaching out for his hand/arm spraked off a tantrum. I doubt very much that he looked at your dh and aimed a calculated kick - more like he lashed out in a red rage. And chucked something at you when he was "cornered". And flung something downstairs in fury - prob with no intention of breaking it.

He needs a very clear message that lashing out at anyone now he's bigger is dangerous - because he could hurt someone. Tell him how much he hurt you and his dad.

You need to explain why you said he could not go on the DS. Because I said so is no answer btw. I'm sure there was a reason but he needs to know it. And ask him why he thought it was OK to ignore you.

Then ask him his opinion on how you can get him to do what he is asked to do next time without it all ending in tears.

Be calm and firm. Don't be angry.

[piscesmoon]

I agree entirely with gagarin and I would add that if he ever does that again you will remove the DS for 24 hrs.

[Earlybird]

Is this completely out of character? Does he have temper outbursts?

No experience with a boy this age, but think removing DS for 24 hours is not enough.

[gagarin]

I think that many 11 year olds do not have the inner strength to keep themselves in control and not lash out when absolutely enraged.

Why I say "calm and firm" is that IMO if you as an adult react in a very angrily confrontational way with a child who has been out of control, angry and confrontational then all that will happen is that subconsciously your child learns that it is acceptable to behave in an angry way when provoked.

IMO confronting a child with the consequences of their actions in a calm and firm way whilst explaining the sanctions is far better than being angry and the telling off being lost in a haze of "I don't need to listen to her telling me off and yelling at me because actually her beahviour is not much better than mine was - so how is that fair?!"

[pamelat]

I think this sounds quite teenage like but they say (who???!) that teenagers are getting younger.

Thinking back to being a nightmare 15/16 year old (a long long time ago) my worst punishment was knowing that I had actually upset (rather than angered) my parents.

I would suggest a calm but direct conversation where you ask him why he did that, whether he thinks its appropriate and ask him to apologise to you both (sincerely)

[blinks]

thinking back to when i was that age, i remember putting fists and feet through doors alot...

[ComeWhineWithMe]

Hi all thanks for posting I actually posted twice by accident so have linked to the other thread ,I agree Dashboard and herbietea and I have come down on him very hard ,he did not apologise until this afternoon but I have stuck to my guns with the punishment .

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/659817-DS-just-attacked-me-and-his-dad

[Minicooper]

Horrible for you, CWWM - I've only got a 1yo so all this to come BUT am a secondary school teacher and tho its v diff when its your own, would agree that having a chat about what happened is a good place to start - ask whether anything else had made him feel frustrated or whether he was just feeling that way inclined. Also worth asking in future what HE feels would be a suitable punishment - IME kids much harsher than I'd ever be!