16 mth between my children

[Denmark]

Any good advise ? I have a 14 mth old daughter and I am due in May. I will be alone most of the time since my partner is working from 10 to way past midnight 5 days a week. We do not have any family here since we are Danish and French so I am going to be on my own. Any good advise except from sleep when I can. Our daughter is used to getting a lot of attention, scared how she is going to react. I know she loves babies she gets very excited but she also get jaloux if I hold another baby for to long. All advise are very welcome

[foxinsocks]

does your daughter still have an afternoon nap?

The best thing I did in the first year was to get both children (there's just under 15 months between my two) to sleep in the afternoon together. So I would give dd lunch, then give ds a breast feed and put them down together and have a long break. That hour in the middle of the day was an absolute life saver and made the rest of the day completely bearable! Most of the time I would go back to sleep then or sit down with a cuppa and a crappy magazine.

Also, force yourself out everyday to something - either the park or toddler group. Both mine had reflux and even if we were all covered in puke I used to drag them out to toddler group and sit down and have a cup of coffee!

[foxinsocks]

oh and have a tray or basket of things to do with dd when you feed your baby. My dd loved books so we used to have a pile to read together while I was feeding. That way they feel involved with the whole thing and don't feel they are getting pushed out.

Good luck, I hope it all goes well.

[Denmark]

My daughter sleeps 1.5 - 2 hours everyday between 11h30 - 13h30 and then she is in bed at 19h00 and sleeps straight away. So I am counting on some ME time sometime after 19h00. Did your baby wake your other child when he/she woke up during the night. My daughter has her own room but I am afraid she is going to wake up.

[foxinsocks]

my daughter was doing much the same thing (well sleeping from 12-2) when ds came along and I managed to get him to sleep for around an hour between 12-1 and had a bit of a rest at the same time.

Compared to a toddler crying, a baby crying sounds so quiet (well it did to me anyway!). They had their own rooms when they were little but I don't remember dd ever waking up when ds did. I think if she did I just ignored it because I didn't want to get into a cycle of her waking up (she was a bad sleeper). If anything, I may have gone in and settled her back down but I don't remember it ever being an issue. They now share a room and sleep through almost anything.

[Carla]

Find somewhere you can leave your baby when you have to leave them in the room together. Before dd2 was moving for us it was a cot in the living room (I kid you not!), then one of those baby recliner things IN the cot. Although we'd child-proofed the living room, we couldn't child-proof the baby, IYSWIM.

[Lonelymum]

Don't worry about your daughter's reaction. My eldest two (both boys) are exactly 18 months apart in age and I worried terribly about how the eldest would react to the new baby. In the end, it couldn't have been better. There was no jealousy because he was too young to feel jealousy. Instead, he adored his little brother and by the time the baby was about 4 months old, the two were inseparable and the older one was brilliant at keeping the younger one entertained. They are now 8 and 7 and still inseparable although I have two other children too.

I also worried that I would not love the second baby as much as I loved the first. I don't know if this is something that is bothering you but I cried the night I went into labour with No. 2 because I felt I was betraying No. 1. Once the baby was born though, that was never an issue either. The amount of love you have just grows to encompass the new child.

I know a lot of people say having two is much harder than having one but I did not find this to be the case. As I said already, the eldest kept the second one amused and the younger one never made a fuss about things like going to sleep because he followed his older brother's example. (Good idea to have their beds in the same room - I did not find that one woke the other up in the night, but they did play together beautifully when they woke up in the morning thus giving dh and I a break.)

Hope this puts your mind at rest.

[geogteach]

Ds2 was born in October and is 16 months younger than DD. I echo what others have said. I would also try and keep to your first childs routine as the new one will pretty much fit in round it. I also haven't had probs with them waking each other ,the baby shares with his brother (4). DS2 and DD hold hands in there car seats which looks very cute!

[morocco]

from one country to another!
I found it very hard the first few months I'm afraid but ds2 was very colicky and that was hard to deal with at first. Also ds1 wasn't napping then so there was no break at all - sounds like you will be luckier on that front!
I got us all out as often as possible to the swings or mums and toddlers groups, where you will find lots of willing volunteers to hold the baby while you get some time with dd. I made sure I had a shower first thing every morning to make me feel better - if your dh is around then that could be perfect! I also had a strict bedtime for the baby -7pm- then had an hour playing with ds1 by himself so he didn't feel too left out
It's great now to see my two little boys playing together - lovely to have them close together in age like that