Calling mums and grans - Willow2 needs your help(6 Posts)
Do you have different views to your mother/daughter on parenting? If so - and you want to sound off about it anonymously - can you get in touch? Details or on my post here in media postings. Would appreciate your help!
Hi Willow, you're really struggling on this one, aren't you?
Not sure if it's of any help but - the way I parent my kids is quite different to the way my mum parented me, and I have to say that a lot of that is because I grew up thinking "no way will I do that to my kids"! I am very protective of their self-esteem (because mine was constantly run down), and teaching them to be proud of who they are rather than just changing to fit in with everyone else. I don't shout at them or send them to their rooms, refuse them puddings if they don't finish their main meal, and spend a lot of time talking to them and being with them. We also praise them a lot and celebrate their achievements. My mum never did these things with me. They are 6 and 7 btw.
Interestingly though, my mum is most impressed with the way dh and I parent our kids and feels we make a far better job of it than she did! I have to be very careful not to hurt her feelings about our upbringing, as she often asks me if she was a good mother to me. tbh I think she left me with a lot of problems, particularly with self-esteem, but I really don't think that me telling her that would do any good! Looking back I am sure that she suffered undiagnosed PND, and was isolated and unhappy when we were small, which didn't help.
Anyway, she is a good grandma to my kids now (although I do have to watch how she tells them off as she can put them down without realising it), and really listens and takes on board how I deal with my two and tries very hard to fall in with my rules.
Waffle, waffle, waffle... if you can use any of this anonymously willow, feel free!
My Mum is great but DP's Mum is from the school of hard knocks and ignore all current advise which amuses me now but used to really wind me up so for example........
- 'that didn't hurt you'...when she didn't even see DS fall
- 'when (DP) was a baby I used to give him a bottle of cider to make sure he slept through the night
- 'you don't want those veg your mummy has made do you...bet you'd rather have a choccie bikkie'
- 'don't wake him up...let him sleep whilst he's quiet'
- big shrieks of 'well what do you expect!' when DS falls over
and so on.
I have to say that she's really very nice and loves DS and he has got used to her madness and seems to find her booming voice comical. Also her (good...not)advice extends to us as well so....
- you're white as a sheet why don't you sit in the sun and put some oil on
- you don't want brown bread it's horrible
I tell her/myself it's because she spent most of her childhood under the kitchen table singing it's a long way to Tiperary (?) whilst the bombs dropped...she loved every minute it seems but it was a massively different era.
OK, have now widened the net even further to include mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws - so get you gloves off girlies! You do not have to be identified and you will save my bacon. Decmum, would love to use your quotes so please can you email me at firstname.lastname@example.org?
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