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Leaving children at parties - am I just miserable?

(71 Posts)
sobernow Sun 06-Mar-05 15:21:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jangly Sun 06-Mar-05 15:23:50

I suppose when you give a party its up to you to be sure you've got enough adults on hand to help out. Or make it clear in the invitations that the parent is expected to stay.

Stilltrue Sun 06-Mar-05 15:45:50

No you're not an old bag. That "party bag" mum - so rude!! Actually I hate the whole party thing. I complained on here a few months ago about some party issues; they can bring out the worst in children and parents imo. OK maybe I'm a misery too but I SO understand your cynicism about the 2hrs of childcare for the price of a pressie thing too. Maybe the host mum hadn't realised she would need the help you and the other mother kindly gave. Certainly with the loo so far away I wouldn't wxpect 4-5 yearolds to cope alone. What if one of them had got lost, quite apart from perhaps needing actual toiletting help.

Nemo1977 Sun 06-Mar-05 15:51:14

aww not an old bag dont think i would leave ds without checling..well wouldnt anyway at mo cos hes only 16mths but my friend is having party at end of month and her invo says to drop kids off at x time till x time. Although ive been told i have to but there will also be four other adults although dont know how many kids as its for both her kiddies

KarenThirl Sun 06-Mar-05 15:51:34

My son is six and I'd never leave him alone at a party. Even if there's plenty of adult supervision, a child always wants his mum if something goes wrong, and nobody - even a good friend - pays the same kind of attention that you would yourself. He has behaviour problems too and I'd doubt other parents' ability to cope if he didnt' behave 'normally'.

I personally hate the children's party lark. I find it exhausting, there's nothing to eat but e-number filled cake and nobody ever sends thankyou letters any more. Miserable old bag? Me too - join the club!

golds Sun 06-Mar-05 15:59:46

I leave my daughter who is in Y2, but I stay with my ds (recep), infact the last party he went to I did think to myself (as it was in town) that I could slip out for half an hour to have a nosey round the shops, I'm glad I didn't as in that time he'd fallen over and was quite upset.

I don't think you are being miserable, its a case of weighing up the situation at the time, if I didn't know the people well, I wouldn't leave.

pixiefish Sun 06-Mar-05 16:10:08

Sobernow- how ungrateful- moaning about the pop- as you say she should have stayed if she was worried. I'd have been in tears if someone had been that rude about my party bags.

You're not miserable at all

essbee Sun 06-Mar-05 16:12:24

Message withdrawn

purpleturtle Sun 06-Mar-05 16:16:17

I've yet to reach the social whirl of children's parties. At what age do people generally start leaving children at them?

SeaShells Sun 06-Mar-05 16:20:36

I'm always reluctant to leave my DS at parties now, since the first one he ever went to and the parents could not control the kids there and it got way out of hand, in the end my DS was pushed by the birthday boy (the well known trouble causer at his school!)and ended up in hospital with a cut throat, luckily it was at the end and I arrived right as the ambulance pulled up to take him to a&e, I hadn't left a contact number or anything. The kids get hyper on the party food and end up running riot IME and the few parents there often can't deal with them all, especially when they are busy with party chores, I stay now whenever I can to help out, I don't ever want my son left in such a situation ever again! What really annoyed me was that the parents of said boy never even asked how DS was or made any sort of apology, despite seeing me everyday the following week with DS wearing huge dressing round his neck

Mud Sun 06-Mar-05 16:20:44

I have left my DS at the last 2 parties because the invitation has said specifically parents can stay or leave as they wish and its much harder to cater for parents and children than just for the children

parties tend to be close to home, within a matter of streets

DS has just turned 4, I suppose that makes me a bad parent in some of your eyes then

(oh and BTW we always send thank you notes in our group of friends)

essbee Sun 06-Mar-05 16:22:56

Message withdrawn

SeaShells Sun 06-Mar-05 16:25:54

I don't mind leaving DS if I know it's a well organised party with responsible adults and a small group of children, I think the problem is when there are these huge parties with a couple of mums and they just loose control as soon as the kids start to go abit mad, which is what happens when the party isn't kept under control and they are left to run around and get manic!

toomanypushchairs Sun 06-Mar-05 16:32:52

My older 2 are 7 & 10yrs and I never left them at a party until they were school age. And even now I still make sure that I leave a tel number. What if the party is 2hrs long and your child has an accident 2mins after you have left? I'm not keen on parties with lots of children either. Does a child of 4, 5, 6 or whatever really need 30 presents?

Bonkerz Sun 06-Mar-05 17:01:28

my ds is 4 and has been to a number of parties. I have left him at all of them but always left my mobile number with the birthday childs mum. All the parties have been at indoor playgrounds or pubs and they also supply staff to help so knew there was no point in me staying. My 4 year old is more than capable of going to the toilet and is a very independant little boy and im proud that i can leave him in a social situation and trust him to behave and be sensible. My son always send a card to the child and parent to say thankyou and i dont see a party as free childcare at all. I know that when ds has his 5 th birthday party in july that i will potentially have 25 five year olds to look after and will prepare myself accordingly!!!

WideWebWitch Sun 06-Mar-05 17:30:24

Sobernow, I think this drop them and leave starts at about 4yo and it was a shock to me too. I remember ds's 4th party was in a huge hall and I invited the whole class. He'd only just started school so I didn't know any of the mothers so at first I was asking for contact numbers as they left but when the first 5 or so of them had looked at me as if I had 2 heads I stopped asking and just decided I'd deal with it if and when there was a problem. I made sure I had plenty of friends with me to help though so the adult to child ratio was ok, important as we had a bouncy castle. I had one little girl though who was distraught at being left and I thought her mother was a cow and shouldn't have left her tbh, I think she knew damn well her dd would be upset but she wanted the childcare. Anyway, I was shocked at the whole thing really. That year I didn't do party bags because I didn't agree with them, I gave fun size (stupid expression) chocolate stuff instead. That mum who said 'sodding party bag' was bloody rude imo, if I'd have been the hostess I'd have been cross, ditto the person who objected to fizzy drinks, quite agree with you. If she didn't like it she could have stayed. So, I agree, it's all very rude.

WideWebWitch Sun 06-Mar-05 17:33:59

Btw, have read the other posts now and I don't object to children being left at all, or think it's wrong if the party host is happy with that and the child is old enough/ok with it. I do think the contact no thing is sensible but I did get treated like a weirdo for asking!

WideWebWitch Sun 06-Mar-05 17:36:30

And it does tend to be the done thing from school onwards to drop and leave, which I don't mind at all but I always asked ds if he wanted me to stay and if he wanted me to then I'd stay. I think the person holding the party needs to rope in extra adult help to cope, being aware that dropping them is usual from 4/5yo.

iota Sun 06-Mar-05 17:40:54

I had ds1's 5th party at a soft play area and most of the parents left their kids - but I insisted on getting contact numbers if they did leave.

I have never dared hire a hall - couldn't face the prospect of having to cope with hoards of screaming kids - my friends that do seem to have lots of grandparents etc to help - not an option in my case.

roisin Sun 06-Mar-05 18:20:58

I find here that once they are at school (so 4) it is 'expected' that parents can/will leave the children. Personally, as a host I prefer if parents leave the children than stay, (particularly if this means the parents take the baby/toddler siblings away with them too ). I see it as my responsibility as a host to have sufficient people to supervise the guest children, and that I have emergency contact numbers.

When leaving my child I always leave a mobile phone number with the hosts.

If a child is unlikely to settle well, then I think it's the parent's responsibility to stay.

The only exception is swimming parties, where required ratios are higher and I would expect to stay.

sobernow Sun 06-Mar-05 18:35:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScummyMummy Sun 06-Mar-05 18:43:01

I think the party bag and fizzy drink parents were well out of order, I must say. Have a nice lie down sobernow.

tortoiseshell Sun 06-Mar-05 18:44:15

Ds has only really gone to parties where we've known the parents really well, and he's fine being left (he's 3). But I wouldn't expect to leave him unless the parents had said specifically it was ok. I think ds has a better time when he's left actually - if I'm there he can be a bit clingy. Think party bag woman was v rude!

debs26 Sun 06-Mar-05 18:54:50

ds2 will be 5 in august and is in recep. i want to invite whole class but have a friend with child whose bday is same time and she said only 3 people turned up to party during summer out of almost whole class invited would anyone here think i was being really cheeky by having party a month early? would break my heart if no one turned up. its not presents, just that ds1 had loads of friends at his party recently

Cod Sun 06-Mar-05 19:20:41

Message withdrawn

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