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When to believe what a child/teen is saying?

(22 Posts)
Tamachi Sat 16-Aug-08 18:19:30

How do you draw the line between calling your kids a liar and recognising that what they're saying sounds unbelievable?

DS has just told me that a teacher was really rude to him in the last week of term. Apparantly DS had given a note (from me) to his pe teacher excusing me due to injury. He had a lot of time off pe last year admmittidly but it was all genuine reasons.

Anyway on this final occasion he says that the PE teacher said to him "I really don't care anymore, just remember that when you want a place on the football team, you can kiss my sticky, sweaty arse".

Thing is, DS1 is NOT the kind of kid to lie, he never has before and he is normally on good terms with the teachers so I can't understand why he'd lie. At the same time I can't see a teacher saying this, whether he was frustrated or not.

I have always told my kids I would believe them if ever they told me something that was bothering them but where do you draw the line?

DH also says he can't see why DS would lie, my mum on the other hand says I'm being ridiculous even considering it.

I don't want to let it drop but if I mention it and he is lying its causing to cause hassle.

What would you do?

Tamachi Sat 16-Aug-08 18:20:10

excusing him obviously, not me. In rush because tea is burning!

nancy75 Sat 16-Aug-08 18:21:39

is kiss my sticky, sweaty arse something that your ds could have come up with on his own?
its quite an odd thing to say which (although i dont know your ds or his teacher) would make me think its true.

thesockmonsterofdoom Sat 16-Aug-08 18:22:04

follow it through, if you say you are going to the school and he is lying he will fess up.

differentID Sat 16-Aug-08 18:23:16

I would believe your son to an extent, but tell him you find it difficult to believe that a teacher would use those words, which sound like teenage boy imo.
Is there an issue at school with this particular teacher being rude to many people?

Shitehawk Sat 16-Aug-08 18:23:18

If you won't believe him, who will? Even if it sounds unlikely, you have to start from the premise that he is telling the truth.

You need to bring it up with the school, but not by going in all guns blazing. It's the only way you will get to the bottom of it.

If he's lying and you believe him, you can come down on him like a ton of bricks. But if he's telling the truth and you let him know that you don't believe him, you can bet your bottom dollar he'll never tell you anything again.

JonahTakalua Sat 16-Aug-08 18:24:53

tell your DS you take this very seriously, and you are going in to school to discuss this incident with the teacher, and possibly the Headteacher too.

Impress upon your DS that if he has embellished the story, now would be a good time to admit it.

Tamachi Sat 16-Aug-08 18:26:44

I did tell him I'm going in to school about it (just to see his reaction really) and his expression didn't change and he just said "ok, good".

lazaroulovespastries Sat 16-Aug-08 18:29:50

I can believe it. Once at school we had a test and my friend had been ill so she didn't know about it. Anyway, she had to stay behind to retake it. I was outside the door and I heard the teacher say ' I think Lazarou didn't tell you about the test on purpose so you would fail'

Mamazon Sat 16-Aug-08 18:31:12

Without knowing either your son or the teacher i can't say for certain but i would be inclined to believe your DS.

I know a PE teacher and he does get really angry at percieved lazyness from students. his pet hate is kids who bring in notes from parents excusing them from games.
he says that its no wonder we have so many obese kids when parents allow them to get out of physical activities.
he actually gets a bit preachy about it blush

wahwah Sat 16-Aug-08 18:32:53

Silly question really, but did your ds say if there was anyone else around to witness this? Might be helpful, as even if he is telling the truth (and some teachers do say / do dreadful things), I can't imagine the teacher owning up to this.

Tamachi Sat 16-Aug-08 18:33:12

We had similar incidents at our school, I remember our football coach saying to us "we may have had a chance if half the team wasn't made up by elephants" and looked directly at a couple of overweight girls. It was said very quietly so they didn't hear but they certainly got to find out about it.

In the past this teacher (DS's teacher) apparantly had a complaint against him for telling someone to "get their shit together" so I really can't assume that DS is lying about this. Think is though he smirked when he told me.

Tamachi Sat 16-Aug-08 18:34:42

wahwah, there were apparantly two other boys there but they happen to be DS's best friends and in all honesty would probably agree just for a laugh. I am going to ask them when they come around later though.

hollyandnoah Sat 16-Aug-08 18:36:52

When i was in 1st year at high school i had a falling out with a girl who lived across the road from me, who went to a different school.
One day a science teacher came to my he class and asked me outside for a message. he said the girl i had argued with was his sisters child and that he was going to get his own child(15) and her friends to beat me up next time she saw me outside at home. I was only 12 and no one believed me, but i was scared to go outside to play so my parents took it to school. The teacher deneyed it and again i looked like a liar.
It got to the point i wanted to be moved schools. My parents complained again and he admitted saying it and was suspended.

Oo and i am only 22 btw so it was after the day of the belt and all that.

So just remember teachers are human also, they are very capable of saying these things. Believe your son, if he is fibbing he probably wont let you complain.

juuule Sat 16-Aug-08 18:42:14

How old is your ds?

If your ds isn't upset by it then I don't think you should be either. If your ds is smirking about it perhaps he thinks it's amusing. Maybe say to him that perhaps Mr. xxx shouldn't have said that but maybe he'd had a bad day.

If it makes you or him feel better then make an appt to see the teacher. I don't think you'll get very far with it though, apart from letting him know that you know.

juuule Sat 16-Aug-08 18:44:43

I think that's a bit more serious than the op hollyandnoah.shock

nooka Sat 16-Aug-08 18:57:06

Have you asked your son whether he was bothered by the teacher saying this? Does he want to be on the football team? If the answers are no, then I'm not sure there is any great point in following this up, especially as it was at the end of last term. It may be that your son has embellished the story a bit, but I can imagine a PE teacher at least thinking this, if not necessarily using those precise words.

ScummyMummy Sat 16-Aug-08 18:57:24

Are you in England, Tamachi? I am and tbh whether he is exaggerating or not I would let it lie unless ds is extremely upset because summer holidays have intervened and I think you need to tackle these things right away really, not 7 weeks later. If ds reported further problems in the new term I would complain at that point.

By the way, I just asked my 9 year-olds if any of their teachers would say something like that and they both looked delighted and said "Yes! All of them, all the time."hmm

hollyandnoah Sat 16-Aug-08 19:14:53

i don't know, my point wasn't about it being serious, just making a point that teachers can be the ones in the wrong, and that op ds could very well be telling truth.

OurHamsterisevil Sun 17-Aug-08 21:13:59

The fact that you said it was a PE teacherwould make me inclined to believe your DS. I had some really dodgy PE teachers at school

NotAnOtter Sun 17-Aug-08 21:16:16

i think it sounds like an elaboration on the truth tbh

how old is ds?

cheesychuff Mon 18-Aug-08 19:38:04

I'd say to him that the teacher had a point and sounds like he has a decent grip on reality.
FGS have you really NO IDEA what kids are like to each other/their teachers?
If you really think that poor little Johnny is going to be traumatised by such a mild comment and you would seriously consider complaining, its no wonder society is losing its grip on its kids!
No offence meant but please don't contribute to the hell that is being a teacher in this 'the kids are always right' culture by worrying about this trivial incident any longer!

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