BABY WEARING - I have a few questions re practicalities and siblings please!

[bohemianbint]

I'm expecting baby number 2 any minute now, and really want to wear the baby from the word go in the hope it will make for a more settled baby than DS was. I got into slings when DS was a fair bit older, but am better prepared this time around.

What I want to know is, practically - do you have the baby strapped on all the time, even if they're asleep, and you have the opportunity to have a bath, or a sit down and a cup of tea by yourself for 20 mins? Or is the ideal to have the baby held by someone all the time?

My other main concern is how this might affect DS. He's literally just turned 2, and after DH's paternity leave is over, it's just going to be me with the two children. I'm worried that if I have the baby strapped on all the time, DS is going to get really upset by it, as everything I read says to make sure you get quality time with the older child without the younger one so that they won't start to hate the younger one. Or sommat. I'm not reading any more books about anything as I nearly drove myself bonkers reading parenting "bibles" last time and am determined to learn from my mistakes!

Can anyone give me any tips - and can you promise me that it will pay dividends? I'd walk over hot coals if it got me an easier baby than DS was in the early days!

[flack]

It sounds like you're still making a mistake of reading too many parenting bibles...

I don't know anything about big philosophies of baby-wearing. However, I am someone who tends to actually do it, an awful lot. So what I say is practical, not theoretical.

It will exhaust you & kill your back if you wear the baby all the time, if you can put him down easily, or rock him to sleep easily enough, then do it. Give your DH a chance to find his own ways of settling the baby (rocking or baby-wearing, even). You need some space for your own sanity! Your DH will feel more confident about his relationship with baby.

Your 2yo will be jealous -- of you having all that access to baby! The 2yo will want to constantly pester the baby. May be easier to let baby sleep peacefully if he rests at least sometimes in a bouncy chair or cot, whatever.

If the baby can sleep peacefully without you, then let him. Let the baby tell you if he's unhappy and wants to be held, or is happy enough on his own. You will have to experiment to find a happy medium in all things -- it's okay if baby fusses a bit while you're still figuring out what works best for you.

(IMHO, all that).

[bohemianbint]

Cheers flack! I honestly haven't read anything this time - but I remember something from last time that said ideally a baby shouldn't touch the floor for the first 3 months, or something along those lines. Sounded a bit obsessional to me! I can totally see how a baby would probably be very comforted by that level of contact but not much good if the rest of the family are all going bonkers!

Am quite worried about the response the new baby will get from DS. He knows there's a baby in my (massive) stomach but doesn't like talking about it and tells me to cover it up if I show it to him or try to get him to feel it kicking.

[AccidentalMum]

Fantastic advice so far I think.

I think you have to decide whether you subscribe to the ideal of an active and complete 'in arms' phase for your DC2 and go for it if you do. It can make life a lot easier if you have a second child who is able to spend 6 hours in a sling per day as mine did for 6months-ish. I also found it did wonders for my relationship with DD1 as very little changed TBH. 9mths+ with DD2 needing a 2 hour nap in her room is much more disruptive IME.

[MatNanPlus]

With wearing DC2 you will have your arms free for DS and be able to hold and cuddle him without having to juggle also holding the new baby.

Best of Luck, DS might surprise you and be very accepting of the baby if it doesn't seem to need you all the time even if your wearing said baby.

[kiskidee]

BB, do you have a stretchy wrap? just thinking that it makes the baby 'poppable'. You can leave the wrap on you and pop the baby in and out as needs be.

Ringslings and pouches are also simple to pop on and off once you master them, esp. RS.

I second not reading any more books.

[jojo76]

Hi, Bohemianbint, mine were 21 months apart and while ds1 was a really really difficult to settle baby, ds2 was a totally different kettle of fish and was much more content all round. DS1 really wasn't jealous at all, even though I did wear the baby when he needed it, would second what others say about it actually making it a lot easier to do stuff with the older one if the baby is in the sling as you have your hands free. I bet you'll get on brilliantly, the second one might be easier to settle as I bet you've got lots of tricks up your sleeve from the first one! good luck!!! xxx

[bohemianbint]

Brilliant - thanks for all the tips! I've been thinking we'd be fairly unlucky to get another hellraiser this time.

With regard to slings, I've got a baby bjorn, an ergo, a really long ellaroo wrap and a coorie pouch. I was going to give the ellaroo a go from the start as I didn't get it until DS was about 8 months old and he wasn't wild about it TBH, so want to try to get my money's worth with it this time around! I had the coorie pouch from early on with DS but I didn't really get on with it, I always worried he was going to fall out and it knackered my back.

What have you all used for new babies?

[kiskidee]

i plan on using a 4.2m long wrap from birth. MOst people need a 4.6m wrap and if you are larger you need a 5.2m wrap. I take it you ellaroo is one of these lengths?

From birth, the Front wrap cross carry is the wrap most people get on with from the start.

Using this carry I have enabled my best friend to breastfeed in a wrap. She finds it v. v. comfortable to just carry him round. Very important for her because she has a 15yo, a 6yo and a 4 yo and she doesn't drive so has to do the school run with the baby and walking.

good luck BB. Start trying out with a big doll or teddy.

[bohemianbint]

I've got this one kiski, in the largest size. I'll have to brush up on how to tie the front carry way - I couldn't get your link to work?

[jojo76]

I used an ergo when he was big enough, and had a baby bjorn before that, which wasn't very comfortable. The ergo was really really comfy to use when pushing a buggy though, and managed to have him in it and pushing two toddlers in a double for quite long journeys!

[kiskidee]

trying again

[bohemianbint]

Cheers kiskidee!

[commanderchaos]

Like you, I carried my first quite a lot later on, and used an ergo until he was 2 (when I was pregnant with DD). DD is two months and i have used a 'close' baby carrier since she was born. it is fantastic and i have found it frees me up to spend time playing with DS while also being with DD. i don't use it all the time and put her down at various times during the day for a sleep or for her to have a kick around on a rug (she is quite a wriggler and likes the freedom, i think). at the beginning, i did think i would carry her ALL the time, but found it wasn't helpful to think like that - it was knackering and i felt guilty if i put her down. so i decided to take the 'what works for you' approach, and that is much more helpful for all of us.

as to whether DS is jealous of her being that close to me all the time or not - well, i think that he appreciates that it frees me up to play with him, and tbh, i think sometimes he forgets she's even in there. and once or twice, when he has kicked off, i have managed to carry both of them - with him in 'the big boy sling' - the ergo - on my back. not to be recommended for long stretches, i must say, but it helps for a bit of calming and getting on with tea.

good luck. two is such fun!