Interaction with other school parents, (just letting off words) long

[Martha200]

Every class has one, the 'naughty' child.
Before ds1 began school and this sounds nasty I prayed he didn't end up in xs class, well he didn't but like I say his class had an equivelent.

I've recently got to know parent of said 'naughty' child, as ds puts it "he doesn't know how to behave" and because of this doesn't have class friends. Anyway, I recently came across the parent of the child very upset, it turns out her dc has been moved into another class for rest of the term for getting into trouble with another dc and she was upset because it had been going on for months though she had only just been told about the problems between both children. The parent was particularly upset because the other parent had said something unkind infront of both children about 'naughty' child and this child was sad as they couldn't understand what they had done to get the comment.

If it was me I'd be (a) fuming the school hadn't told me sooner (b) the other parent had behaved like they did and would want to deal with it, but the parent said with term nearly over they just want to get through the next week. She was concerned as the other parent was going around telling people gleefully why the 'naughty' child was in other class, and that it hurt because it takes two to tango, well I have not heard anything yet because I guess other parents have seen this parent of 'naughty' child talking to me.

Now I know not to get involved with gossip etc but I just wondered how many of us really get to chat to parents of the children ours dislike or what it must be like for the parents of 'naughty' children because this woman comes across very well and cares about her child like most of us all do. From my understanding he is too young to be assessed properly for a condition though he gets some 1-1 TA support.

Until now I hadn't really thought about what it must be like to get called into school because of your child, and to be honest find it a bit odd that I am having sympathy for the 5yr old who most of the class have problems with. I've never had to get involved with the school over other children because I want to encourage my ds to be able to deal with his problems, yes with my support but not by me being verbal to the other child or parent.

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

You know this is going to kick off don't you?

[Martha200]

Call it a reminder to self and others then to not get involved in any shape or form with class dealings before developing a potential headache!

Life is a lot simpler if one doesn't get sucked into some things I guess, but it rocked my emotions a bit (can't wait till I get my brain back and hormones in check after the last baby!)

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

The child is not too young to be assessed (although it may not be his mother's fault that he hasn't been). If he gets some 1-1 then he will have had some assessments and will have been identified as needing that extra support. He may well be being 'naughty' because he's not able to get the amount of support he needs.

Of course the parents of challenging children in general don't have 2 heads and need (sometimes more) support than those with easier going children.

[Seuss]

My son has ASD and whilst he was in mainstream school it was quite lonely at times. I constantly felt like my parenting was being judged, didn't really build any relationships with other parents and felt most people didn't understand. I'm glad this parent has you to talk to and support her.

I'm suprised the school didn't communicate with her more that's not very helpful for anyone - but I can kind of see her point about getting through to end of term. Fresh start in September and hopefully the school will be a bit more communicative then, perhaps they just want to get through to the hols too!

As for the other parent - she just sounds like a smug cow.

[FranSanDisco]

I agree that sometimes we have to check ourselves. Sometimes the child's behaviour becomes worse because the other children label them as naughty and don't want to play with them. The child then gets physical or angry and in his/her attempt to be included. I've seen this happen, especially with boys, who can try too hard to be seen as fun and frighten the others away. If the child at you school is getting some 1 - 1 then the school must be setting something in motion assessment wise. Let's hope next year is better for him.

[tigermoth]

Are you sure the parent really had no idea that her child is seen as 'naughty' in school?

If so, I'd be livid that the school had not flagged this up with the parent of the 'naughty' child much earlier. What did teachers say to her at parent/teacher evenings! If she was really given no idea at all about his behaviour problems in class, she has every right to be angry!

I've been a parent of a 'naughty' (but not SEN) child - my ds1. Had to see a stream of teachers about him, talked with them at length. Consistently at all three different primary schools that he attended (due to us moving house) teachers were proactive to let us know about how he behaved at school, so we could work with the school when they set behaviour targets.

You know what I am wondering - any chance that this boy has been moved simply to break up a troublesome situation with the other dc? So BOTH children were the problem, not just the 'naughty' boy? It's not uncommon for teachers to separate troublsome groups of children - perhaps that's what has happened.

The mother needs to speak to the teacher to find out more - definitely.