Please can someone give me tips on bickering, tell tale children.

[DiscoDizzy]

They've only been on school hols half a day and already they're bickering.

DD1 (5) is constantly telling tales, x pushed me, x snatched my pen, x breathed near me.

DD2 (3) is constantly winding DD1 up, walking over the drawing she's working on, saying things that she knows will irritate her.

Hence the constant bickering. Its driving me crazy. I don't remember it being this bad before. So does anyone have any tips, please.

[bythepowerofgreyskull]

the lady that ran the parenting course I went on said to say if there was no fire or blood to let them know that they had to sort it out themselves.

I hope to have the courage to do that soon
it is soo tiring playing referee all the time isn't it !

[DiscoDizzy]

gonna buy a whistle soon if things don't pick up .

[nailpolish]

we are in week 3 of the school holidays and i have no hair left

we went for an ice cream today - both girls have mint choc chip as their favourite

for some reason dd1 hates it if dd2 does the same as her - cue RUNNING and PUSHING to the front of the ice cream counter - dd2 got there first and ordered a mint choc chip - dd1 went into MELTDOWN cos she wanted one too but didnt want to be the same as dd1

she was SOBBING and i just couldnt believe my eyes

i dotn understand why she cant just have a mint choc chip too

[DiscoDizzy]

Week 3! bloody hell you broke up early.

[singyswife]

My 2 dd's are exactly the same and I tried the shouting at them, refereeing, compromising techniques and all it resulted in was me adding to the noise/. Now I only but in when something really bad or really horrible is being done, and 9times out of 10 they sort it out on their own or get tired of not getting my attention and go and do something else. Honestly it works, It is hard to start with but it works because basically if you are constantly butting in they are not learning to share space with each other or sort out their own problems. I would interfere if dd2 drew on dd1;s masterpeice or vice versa but other than that , let them get on with it.

[singyswife]

Oh we are in week 3 too. My dd's are exactly the same as this, dd1 wants the same but will not be the same as her sister so all hell breaks loose. It is very strange isnt it. Where are you that you had the weather for ice cream?>?>?>>

[nailpolish]

if one hits the other do you ignore it or do you step in?

well by hitting i mean poking - thats what my 2 do - poke each other - or walk past and pretend to knock into

[notasheep]

No treats,no telly,no nothing!

Wouldnt have taken them for an ice cream

[nailpolish]

its not weather for ice cream. there was just fuck all else to do today (we went to cramond)

[singyswife]

Cramond was on my list for today but it was meant to be raining so we went swimming instead. Honestly I was going to take the bikes to Cramond, my two love it there.

With regards to the getting physical, I do step in at that point but with a 'if you dont stop hitting something will be removed' threat and then they sort it out themselves. tbh mine dont often get physical, they do 'accidentally' make their foot slip etc but this threat normally works. (They know I will follow through so it does work_)

[serenity]

We do the 'no blood then I don't care' thing (is it sad to be quite chuffed it's recommended on a parenting course? ) but mine are a bit older. If it gets really annoying, I'll separate them (different rooms, or areas with a room), or if they're arguing over something specific they get a warning, and then it gets taken away from both of them.

np - I'd ignore if they were doing mutual winding up poking (if you play stupid games then you live with the consequences), but if one hits the other deliberatly to hurt then they know they're in deep trouble no matter the reason behind it.

[nailpolish]

singys do you live in edinburgh then? you shoul dcome to a meet up

[singyswife]

No I am in Livingston but we are a far travelled family, its not the first time we have gone to North Berwick for the day.

[DiscoDizzy]

So what about the tell tale thing. Do I say to DD1, sorry but you must sort it out yourself, stop telling tales. Problem is if DD1 winds DD2 up, it ends up with DD2 crying. Do I ignore it then. Youngest is 3 (with a mental age equivalent to 5 yr old sister I think).

[nailpolish]

i just say "dont tell tales"

or pseudo over sympathise "oh dear thats a terrible shame" and carry on hangning the washing

[muggglewump]

I have this, except only one of the DC is mine. The rest belong to the street we live in.
They had taken to leaving her out and reporting every little nothing she'd done to me. The Mums were being weird with me so nothing I could say to them either!
It seems to have settled down a bit but I did say to them (the other DC) that maybe it wasn't DD at fault and she wasn't being the mean one. I was nice about it, just let them know I wasn't an idiot and I knew what was going on.
3 more weeks to go sighs

[LazyLinePainterJane]

girls!

this is what i have to come

[DiscoDizzy]

Yes, girls indeed. Very hard work. Not disputing boys aren't hard work either mind

[Anna8888]

Yes, let them sort it out themselves.

I refuse to listen to my DSSs tell tales on one another, and I do not allow them to telephone their father when he is at work (and they are with me) to tell tales/resolve disputes.

The skills of negotiation and compromise are hard to learn. Do not prevent your children from practicing on their siblings - it is the best possible way to practice for later life (work and relationships).