I’m on ‘holiday’ but whilst everyone else is sitting in the sun with a glass of wine I’m just sat in a dark room, again, with the white noise blaring, dripping in sweat with a screaming baby attached to me. And I know I’ll be back here again in a few hours doing the same thing.
Baby is coming up to 5 months now, I found the newborn phase tough, but think I had the adrenaline pumping so got through it, but now it just feels like the same thing again and again, day after day - me in a dark room with a non-napping baby. Baby isn’t even particularly difficult, she doesn’t cry that much but it’s almost always before nap time and bedtime and I just find it so draining. Her dad is active and adores her, but I’m breastfeeding so it’s me up every night (at the moment every 90 minutes on average as we’ve just hit the sleep regression) with her ripping at my nipples and scraping me with her nails - and I’m just so exhausted, mentally and physically. I expected to be this knackered,but I’m just so worried I don’t get any joy out of this. I longed to be a mum for years, and tried so hard to be here but now I feel so flat.
I’ve never had that rush of love, delivery was long and hard so just felt weird acceptance when she was thrown on my chest. And since then I’ve just been a bit on autopilot, I don’t have time to process how I’m feeling as she just keeps me on the go constantly.
I don’t know why Im posting this, im not expecting anyone to solve all my problems and I absolutely know it will get better. I think I just need to get it off my chest. Did anyone else feel similar the first few months? How did you get through it?
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Does it get better?
7 replies
Darkroominthesun · 14/10/2021 14:23
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