This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Do you ever feel like you're just failing at everything?(13 Posts)
I returned to work from maternity leave mid Feb, have a 5 Yr old and a now 10 month old and I've had a major crash this weekend and realised I'm spinning so many plates and succeeding at nothing.
I made a mistake at work this week which has seriously annoyed a client and its just sent me into this crazy realisation spiral I can't seem to shake. Like everyone senior to me will think I'm terrible at my job and work me out.
On top feeling like a failure at work we just seem to be chasing our tails at home too, the mad weeknight rushes, the constant that is laundry and ironing and vacuuming and mopping and rinse and repeat.
Ds1 has outgrown his PE kit overnight, ds2 has only just started sleeping stretches longer than 2 hours but I just don't know where even 15 minutes of self is supposed to fit in. I've not had my hair cut in 2 years, my nails and skin are atrocious, our diets are awful.
We need a complete overhaul from start to finish and I don't know where to start so feel completely and totally overwhelmed with it all. I feel ready to quit work and take on a non responsible role just to ease up some pressure.
I dont know if its the realisation now of how totally isolated my maternity leave was this time around, so I think I've overcompensated on my return to work but means I've not actually done my Job properly..
I just dont know where I fit or what I'm good at anymore.
Sorry I realise there's no point to my posting, just feeling a bit lost in the ether and mn is a fab place to throw my voice!
Where is your partner in all of this?
Can you afford a cleaner? If not try a eufy robot vacuum.
You and your partner need to be taking every short available to you over the next two years
- prepared veg/frozen veg
- easy meals, beans on toast and microwave veg on the side, pasts and sauce,slow cooker, making twice as much on a Sunday and eating it again on Tuesday.
- buy all the next size clothes online from one supermarket in one big shop
- online food shopping
Hes working full time and being put through uni by his work at the moment too. It very much seems like everything is on top of us at the minute and we are treading water but you are right, in 2 years we will be out of the other side in much sunnier times (I hope!)
I went back to work a month ago after being very lucky in being able to take 13 months off and I feel like I’m chasing my own tail and I have a constant fear that I’m going to forget something. It doesn’t help that my DS has only recently started sleeping better and my DH works all hours.
I’ve lowered my standards a bit about keeping the house clean and I’m keeping a very detailed calendar so that I can try and keep on top of what needs doing.
I would just add though that try to remember that with babies/toddlers things change so quickly in the way that I think they get easier to manage, sleep improves and as things like milk feeds reduce and naps change I found it much simpler to manage it all
Ah - no particular advice - but just to say that yes I think many / most have periods where they feel just like that especially in your situation. It will pass! If you have the money to do so buy in as much help as you can to ease it if possible
Have you got anyone who can help out?
We have been going through a similar thing and a kind family member has offered to look after DC for a few hours at the weekend while we catch up on some things at home.
I also found decluttering helped keep things tidier and some batch cooking helps for quick midweek dinners.
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone feeling like this, if we are both busy with work it's chaos at home.
Hang on in there, as the DC get older it will get easier
Oh I could have written this!
Best thing 2 things we did was get a cleaner and meal plan/ batch cook.
Also i bought more s hool uniform (just asda) and laid it out for next morning.
The sleep I sympathise with but does get better I promise.
My immediate advice is take a day annual leave/carers leave/sick and dont do house stuff do you.
Thanks all. Even just writing it out seemed to ease some of the tension I've been feeling in my body, like I'm holding it all in but then I'll either explode or have a breakdown and I know neither of those will necessarily be good for either my relationship or my job (depending who I breakdown/explode to)
Its all just so.....much. we seemed to have it all sorted with 1 ds, then we added another into the mix and it's like a bomb has gone off!
I’m a few years ahead of you (2 DC at primary school) and I’m now of the mindset that no I am not failing at everything, but only because other people’s expectations of what I should be doing, which therefore shape my expectations of what I should be doing, ARE FUCKING RIDICULOUS.
@DelilahTheParrot Yes! Totally, I do think especially my own expectations of myself are just not realistic. But god its hard to lower those!
Op I totally understand how you are feeling. I myself have two dc, ds1 is 6 and ds2 17 months. Also made a f*#k up at work last week and feel like I am incapable of doing my job (which I have been doing for 14 years) and had the sudden realisation that I am juggling many balls which at times will be dropped. It's tough isn't it, I don't have any real advice for you just want you to know you aren't alone.