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fed up of being the bad guy

(4 Posts)
Oilyvoir Wed 17-Feb-21 09:25:42

Sorry, I've posted about my situation before and looking for a bit more guidance today. I parent my grandson (5). I've always looked after him as my daughter was living with me when he was born (for context, I adopted her when she was 7). She was young and didn't cope and Children's services got involved and demanded I get a Child Arrangement Order to stop her removing grandson if she moved out. Fast forward 5 years. DD lives with her younger child down the road. Younger child has spent time in care and has just come off a CIN plan for the umpteenth time. Grandson has spent increasing amounts of time with mum including over night stays several times a week. He says he wants to live with her permanently BUT mum is very volatile, not physically abusive but very verbally aggressive (less so with the children but runs her mouth off with them too regularly). She has a very volatile relationship with younger ones dad who is on and off the scene. Police have been called numerous times over the years and he was finally convicted of assaulting dd back in July. He shouldn't be in her house but of course he is. To be fair to him, it is generally 6 of one and half a dozen of the other not typical man on woman domestic abuse. I have said grandson can only be at daughter's house if partner is not there but of course she lies and grandson often is. So this week I have rung children's services for advice and have also submitted papers to the court for a prohibitive steps order banning mum and partner being alone with grandson without me present. Clearly this has not been met with daughter's approval. Grandson has been at mums house for a week and she says he won't be coming home until Sunday. Grandson does not want to come home and she says she wants him back living with her permanently. What do I do - let him hang out there until Sunday or force the issue (with the police if necessary) and bring him home sooner? He has school on Monday as I am a teacher, he goes to school on a key worker place. She lets him stay up until the middle of the night and he sleeps in until 10.30 ish so I need to get his sleeping routine back on track before Monday. I'm pretty sure partner is not around at the moment but I can never be certain.

OP’s posts: |
Ohalrightthen Wed 17-Feb-21 09:36:09

call the social worker and see what they suggest?

Oilyvoir Wed 17-Feb-21 09:38:06

They are not interested in getting involved - it's up to me apparently

OP’s posts: |
Phiphi123 Wed 17-Feb-21 09:51:07

You need to carry on making decisions in the best interests of your grandson without worrying about what your daughter will say/think and without worrying about coming off as the bad guy. If it’s not safe while there partner is there and you can’t be sure when this is- then he shouldn’t be there. As your grandson’s carer it is your responsibility to enforce this, not a social worker, especially if there are court orders in place. Sorry if I sound harsh but the bottom line seems like he has a safe home with you so essentially he needs to be there. Sounds like your grandson likes being at mums because there is maybe a lack of boundaries? This sounds like a really stressful situation for you, how lucky your family are to have such a caring mum and grandmother. Best of luck x

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