Siblings- what to do, what not to do

[Miriam101]

Hi all
Only child here, married to another only child. Both my parents also only children.

But we now have two kids- and I am clueless. I feel as though there’s a whole unsaid world of knowledge that people who have siblings think of as obvious but which really isn’t if you came from a very different kind of family. Desperate for our two (baby and toddler) to get on in future and for us not to do anything unwittingly to jeapardise that; to parent with fairness, which is what one friend said was the crucial thing; to foster friendship rather than rivalry where possible.

Any advice for me? Nothing too basic! From the practical to the philosophical- shoot...

[Ohalrightthen]

Not much to suggest straight off, but as they got older...

-Fair doesn't mean equal. Don't fall into the trap of "he got new socks so she needs new socks".

-Space to themselves! Don't make them play together all the time, make sure they each have a place and toys that are their own, that they don't have to share, that they can go to. They'll get on a lot better if they get to take a break from each other if they need to.

-Everyone eats the same. Don't make different meals for different kids. Recipe for disaster.

-No comparisons. Don't fucking EVER play the "well when he was your age your brother could..." game.

-Time with you. Each child gets one-on-one time with each parent on a regular basis.

And if you can possibly avoid it, don't fall into the "big kid/baby" pattern.

[elldog6]

Apparently if you're my parents you allow your youngest by 4 years to do everything at the same time as the eldest.

So that means I'm only allowed my nails painted at 8 but sister is allowed them painted at 4. I can sit in the front seat of the car at 12 but she can sit in it at 8. I am finally allowed to watch The Simpsons at 14 (dad was strict!) but sister is allowed to watch it at 10.

Doesn't breed resentment growing up at all....

[Ohalrightthen]

@elldog6

Apparently if you're my parents you allow your youngest by 4 years to do everything at the same time as the eldest.

So that means I'm only allowed my nails painted at 8 but sister is allowed them painted at 4. I can sit in the front seat of the car at 12 but she can sit in it at 8. I am finally allowed to watch The Simpsons at 14 (dad was strict!) but sister is allowed to watch it at 10.

Doesn't breed resentment growing up at all....

Oh god yeah this. I still remember the rage - i got my first phone at 13 after years of begging. My sister got hers a month later, she was 11. I was SO ANGRY.

[elldog6]

@Ohalrightthen I know! I get on really well with her now but despite being 28 I still have that tiiiny bit of resentment when I think about it! Ahaha

[Miriam101]

@Ohalrightthen thanks so much- this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. The kind of basic ground rules which im afraid of not knowing!

@elldog6 that sounds infuriating! Will make a note to myself to avoid...

[Ohalrightthen]

@Miriam101 i have to say, this is all from having a sib, not from raising multiples!