Mum guilt

[Blue2021]

The will probs be more a rant than anything but..

I go back to work in February after having my DS. He will be 10 months by then. He will be going to a childminder 8/9- 5pm - 3 days a week and will be split between my mum and me/his dad on the other 2 days as we will be working from home these days. I’m going back full time (45 hour) and working 3 days on office 7-4.30 so I can pick him up at 5 to do bedtime/dinner/bath.

I however can not shake this mum guilt.. all I have done today is cry (and probs at least two-three times a week for the last month). I’ve found excuses today to go upstairs, to the car, the bathroom so many times( I think DP thinks I’m ill), the kitchen etc so I can go have a little cry.

I know I need to just get over myself but I can’t shake the feeling that DS will think I have abandoned him. I love my job but I’m scared to go back. I’m scared to leave him all the time. I’ve left him for KIT days and he’s been fine with my mum (she’s in my bubble). Actually he couldn’t of cared less when I went or pick him up lol. And tbh I’ve loved my days feeling like my old self again. DS is going to do settle in sessions with childminder this month. I know he will be okay. I just can’t stop this horrible feeling. It’s not been the maternity leave I’ve wanted, we have only managed 3 sessions of one baby class because of covid. He’s bearly met anyone so I feel like I’ve let him down there. Anyway rant over.. hoping it will help just writing it down. I just want to know if this is semi normal to feel like this lol

[KatyN]

Yep. Totally normal

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I can remember feeling guilty but I really wish I hadn't ruined the last few weeks of my Mat Leave worrying about it. Babies are hugely adaptable and soon enough it will be the new normal.

Has your CM given you the dates of her holidays? Looking forward to having a week off with him might help

[Ifyoulikepinacoladaa]

I went back when my toddler was 3 months old. God, did I feel bad.
Now having to do the same soon with my baby ds.
It will be fine, they will be fine and I need to work so it’s all for them anyway.
Also, my toddler is completely unaffected by me leaving her.
Once the first day is over, you’ll be fine.

[Blue2021]

Thank you for your replies.. feeling a little better today about it.. i will aim to look at it the way you have said, they are adaptable and it’s all for them. Thank m going to try fill the last weeks with lots of walks and cuddles. CM hasn’t yet, but I will call Monday and ask her. I’ve just booked his birthday off work so I have a long weekend in March to look forward to with him. That’s helped. Thank you again xx