This is a Premium feature
To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet.Start using Mumsnet Premium
Feel like I’m lurching from one hell to another.(16 Posts)
My LB is 15 weeks and EBF. I can safely say they have been the worst 15 weeks of my life. His birth was very traumatic and then he had the full house of ‘high needs, difficult newborn’ attributes:
- 12 weeks of horrendous colic, with hours upon hours of screaming.
- Tongue tie and feeding difficulties, leading to weight loss and the stress of triple feeding.
- Confirmed CMPA on diet challenge with awful reflux.
- Fought every nap and will only sleep either on the boob or in the sling.
I just thought we were beginning to turn a corner at the 13 week mark. He got into a napping routine (albeit still attached to me!), the screaming drastically reduced and his tummy got better. We had 2 weeks of a smiley, well rested baby, who’s personality began to shine.
That all went away last week and the next fresh hell reared it’s head. He’s become a perpetual fusspot from dawn until dusk. He’s back to fighting every nap and will only sleep for 30 mins at a time. Nothing me or his dad do seems to be correct. He’s not screaming now at least, but the entire backdrop to our day is him fussing or crying. I assume this is the 4 month fussy/sleep regression spell.
I love him fiercely and the thought of anything bad happening to him or him not being here kills me. But equally (and horrendously selfishly) I feel I have ruined my life. I’m deep in depression and PTSD. I miss my job (which I loved), I can’t face calling my friends and my family. I honestly think if you offered me the chance with hindsight I would have never fallen pregnant. I literally do not understand how anyone has more than one child. I couldn’t put myself through this again in a million years.
I’m not really sure what I’m hoping to achieve with this post. Maybe solidarity, maybe a virtual kick up the backside, maybe hope that it will get better, maybe a reality check that it won’t. If you’ve been in a similar boat though I’d love to hear from you. Thanks x
It will get better !!! My youngest ds had awful colic !! Every night from 6pm onwards was Constant crying n throwing up his feeds . I bottle fed tho and the midwife advised low lactose milk which sorted it overnight thankfully . I know that doesn’t help you but just to say I Also remember thinking that This was it forever 😂😂 it genuinely feels like that but it isn’t ! Few months later he was Weaned and sleeping through The night and all was forgotten
Big hugs you will get there
Sending love and hope from the other side. I had two babies with CMPA and reflux. The first few months were hellish. It does get better. You will learn what works and what doesn't and they will grow bigger and more expressive and you will be able to soothe them faster.
My two are now 9 and 7 and lovely, healthy girls. The dark times of their newborn stages are long behind.
For your mental health accept all help that is offered with both hands. Whether that is support for PND or a friend dropping off shopping. Make contact with your friends and family, they may be more supportive than you think. Sometimes in depression it can feel like there is no point trying because you have already gone through all the ways they have said no or rejected you. Real life is normally better.
OP I've been where you are. My DS was exactly the same, right down to the CMPA. He screamed constantly, didn't sleep unless on one of us and just was never happy. I used to call my mum in tears most days. I remember just wishing the first year would be over.
It will get better. It might be slow going but it will. Focus on the small things that go well and make you happy and make sure you take some time for yourself where you can.
My DS has just turned 2 and he's honestly amazing. He still knows and demands exactly what he wants and we have some epic tantrums, but he's so loving and funny and sweet, and I love spending time with him.
I had a newborn like this and it's pure hell. The only thing that got me through was the phrase 'this too shall pass.' The one positive that you may not have thought of is that I have such a strong bond now with DS (he's 9) and I completely put that down to the fact that I slaved over that child. I was patting, rocking, shushing him, had him attached to me virtually 24/7 for such a long time that's we've literally been the absolute best of friends ever since. I also had DD 22 months later as I thought, well if DS was so awful how can 2 possibly be any worse? DD was an absolute angel from the second she glided into this world and has been ever since!
Hang in there, take any help you can, make sure you're looking after yourself both physically and mentally, this too really will pass.
It gets better I promise. Is your baby ff or bf? If bf you should try cutting out soya too if ff then there maybe a better milk for him.
It gets better! I felt exactly like you at that stage, a baby who cried all the time (not just in the witching hour), puked everywhere and didn't sleep. Naps were a battle and all on me.
For me things got better once he was mobile and from 12-18mo on he has been an utter joy and I love love love being a parent.
Won't go back to that though so he is staying an only child.
Just sending some solidarity. DD2 (10 weeks) has (mild) CMPA and reflux. I'm formula feeding so at least DH can share some of the feeds.
Finding it pretty hard. DD1 wasn't a great sleeper naturally but we got a great routine etc going. Thought it would be that easy this time - nope!
Its so hard to have no control over such a huge thing in your life. I put her down for a nap 15 mins ago and I can hear her about to cry on the monitor already. This is despite her going down 'drowsy but awake' and all the other crap in the books. None of it is working!
I'm on some medication for PND and it has definitely helped.
Hope things improve for you soon. You're not on your own with this.
It will pass.
It's not guaranteed to happen again if you have another, is it?
Sounds like you are doing a great job.
You will be you again and not just baby's mum before too long.
Chin up, you're doing great. Before you know it he'll be doing all sorts of lovely clever things.
We've been through so much of the same. DS started off so well then after 2 weeks was awful. Tongue tie and reflux both dismissed by the GP for many weeks. Colic, screamed every night, wouldn't eat (EBF), weight gain was slow which has made me feel so bad, like I can't feed me own baby probably. At about 11 weeks it seemed to get better. He got into a day routine then started going down for the night earlier (still with many wake ups to fed) but at least he wasn't screaming all night. He's 13 weeks now and it all gone out the window. He'll only sleep on me and is being fussy with feeding which is stressing me out as I'm trying to fatten him up. It's been so HARD! I can't imagine doing this with a second baby. I am ok though and just trying to accept it and reminding myself it will pass and when I'm sleep deprived to not expect too much of myself, the housework can wait. I think I've mostly been disappointed with the breastfeeding experience, I really wanted it to be amazing but it's so stressful and I think I'll be glad when he's eating solids and I can stop (which kills me to think that). Hang in there. Hopefully we'll look back and feel stronger that we went through this.
I also had a refluxer / Velcro baby with CMPA and tongue tie. I had to pump 8 times a day as he could never latch. I was miserable for those first 17 weeks or so. Once we got proper medication and hypoallergenic formula things got much better. I introduced solids at 17 weeks and that also made a huge difference.
By 20 weeks he was a happy, easy, fun baby and every month since then has gotten better and better. He’s nearly 2 and still has reflux but it’s very well controlled so you wouldn’t even know. He’s an excellent sleeper and very easygoing. Everyone told me it would get easier - I didn’t believe it at the time, but of course it’s true!
By the time he was 10 months old I was pregnant again (planned) so obviously things had improved greatly by that time for me to consider another. DC2 also has colic, reflux and CMPA but was medicated much earlier and it’s much easier to manage as I know for sure it will get better.
I really do feel for you as I know what it’s like. Just try to survive these next few weeks and hopefully things will turn a corner soon.
Oh gosh I've been there. My LO was the biggest crier. Nobody else's baby cried as much as for as long. She was by far the worst sleeper out of my group of mum friends (12 of us).
Those first 4-6 months were the worst. Fighting her sleep. Awake every hour at night. She only napped on me or in the pram. I walked her to sleep doing 20k steps a day for months
I'm please to say she's now 15 month and such an amazing little person. She's well above her piers with talking walking etc. She has a huge imagination and A delight to be around.
She that's much fun, it convinced me to have another. I'm 17 weeks pregnant and I now the first 6-12 months will probably be hell. But it's worth it in the end
I've also been there and am out the other side, although DH had the snip such was the trauma of having one - never again! I would not survive another colicky, refluxy, velcro baby. I would drown.
I went back to work at 13 weeks (shared parental leave) and it salvaged my sanity. We are now 15 months on and have a good balance of work and childcare between us. Have you consider returning to work earlier than planned? Is part time an option?
It will get better in time. Just survive the first 6 months - work as a team and accept all the help you can (doesn't have to be directly to do with baby care - cooking, shopping, cleaning all help).
My now 3 year old only slept for 20mins at a time, day & night, for the first 4 months. Awful reflux, used to stop breathing at night as reflux would enter her airway. She cried if ANYONE went near her other than me. Breastfed constantly- cycle apparently, feed to calm reflux, reflux the feed, feed again to calm the pain. It was hell. I remember googling if I could die from sleep deprivation.
It improved around 6 months I think. Probiotics seemed to help her for some reason (ProVen brand has specific for BF or formula fed babies) as did weaning. We weaned her early on doctors advice, around 20 weeks I think.
Anyway, she's now absolutely the best behaved 3 year old now. Sooo easy to care for. Her brother who was an easy baby is an absolute hurricane of a toddler who listens to nothing I say and can destroy a room in 5 seconds...
You will get through this. It will get better.
Thank you all so much for your replies. I feel awful that you’ve all been through so much, but good to know we are not alone. I definitely think these things seem to come as a package: the colicky, permanently tired, Velcro baby with gut issues seems to be a common phenotype. I assumed I’d be out and about meeting fellow new mums but obviously the way poor DS is (alongside covid ) has hindered that. My antenatal group are all lovely, but just don’t get it. I really can’t hear ‘just bring him out for lunch, he’ll sleep in the pram’ or ‘all babies cry’ one more time!
Obviously one has to be mindful of hearing what they want to hear, but I feel a lot of people say these babies have turned out to be wonderful toddlers/children, so I am keeping everything crossed.
It’s interesting the almost 50:50 split between those of you that have had further babies and those of you that are done. I really think we will fall into the later category after this. Someone above described it as drowning and that is so accurate. I can understand how that may change though as the dust settles.
Thank you all again x
Sending solidarity. It will get better and you are the best mother for your child.
Please login first.