Very Moany 20 Month Old. What do you do?

[SqidgeBum]

I know every toddler throws tantrums and moans, but my DD seems particularly ...... emotional and I am not sure how to react. She isnt verbal yet, but does turn to this low level moan every 3 minutes for every little difficulty she encounters. Some examples from today alone would be I put her in her tower to make breakfast (not sure what she wanted there), I got off the floor to go to the bathroom, she struggled to get her leg over her ride on, she couldn't reach something on the outside table, she dropped food off her spoon, she wanted her drink but couldnt reach it. The moans can very easily turn into a complete tantrum and I can never fix the problem. I would estimate she spends about 40% of her time emitting a low level moan. Its the sound of my life.

I am not looking for a fix. I have a lot of experience with kids and know this is normal behaviour, especially as she seems to have great cognition but can't verbalise things yet. My question is how do I deal with it? At this point I just spend my time ignoring her like I cant even hear her, but that doesnt seem to be helping. Distracting doesnt work either, nor does cuddling if it progresses to a tantrum. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to react when she moans like this?

[TwilightPeace]

Ugh it’s a shitty age! Well it was for me anyway. DD2 was so moany I felt like I was going insane at times. Even when I did what she wanted, it still wasn’t good enough. It was so, so draining.
The only tips I can give are go outside as much as possible, the whingeing doesn’t seem quite so loud then. Also, take a break when you can. Do you have anyone that can help? A partner etc?
Solidarity fist bump! It’s shit but this too shall pass.

[mswales]

My whiny child is older, 33 months, but I found this extremely helpful so you might as well www.handinhandparenting.org/article/whats-the-cure-for-children-whining/
Since reading it I’ve been gritting my teeth and basically showering him with love every time he whines (can feel like the last thing o want to do!) and it does seem to stop the whining faster than anything else, e.g. the “could you say that with a big strong voice” tactic. Good luck, whining is the worst!

[SqidgeBum]

Yes @TwilightPeace I have a very involved DH who is great with DD, but we are both trying to come up with a joint way of dealing with her. Also, he works a lot, so it does mostly fall on me. But you are both right, its a completely rubbish time. Also, and I dont know about you both, but I tend to think 'why is X's down the road not moany and mine is?'. I know I shouldnt compare, but your own kid always seems whingier than other kids.

[My0My]

My younger DD was a bit like this. I talked to her about it! We used words. Moaning was virtually never responded to. The words “please mummy” were introduced. If there’s a tantrum so be it. We went over the words needed. So “juice please” “toy”, etc etc etc. Just keep going with the talk. It’s being non verbal (I think) that’s causing the moaning. How wonderful words would sound. We practiced words. All the time. So when she wanted a toy, the toy had to have a name.

Also get her set up. Everything in reach. I was hugely intolerant of whinging and mine didn’t get what they wanted by whinging. So as described above - get that big voice tactic working - with words.