PN/Health anxiety anyone?

[icedaisy]

Dd is 19 months PFB. She was a natural conception after failed IVF X four and many miscarriages and missed miscarriages.

When she was born I felt like I had been hit by a bus. She didn't sleep at all and my anxiety went crazy. I was diagnosed with PND and had counselling. She felt I had never properly grieved for the losses and when Dd arrived I suddenly became terrified something was going to take her. I still am.

I have felt this year things heightening again, particularly around her health and development. I am speaking with the counsellor again and I wondered if anyone else was feeling like this and wanted somewhere to talk.

We had a bad winter with bugs and I think that restarted it. I'm finding nights the worst at moment where I'm convinced she is going to be sick or get unwell. I understand it's irrational but I struggle to sleep and feel sick. I'm also pregnant again and I am desperate to try and get some control over this before baby arrives. I'm sure covid hasn't helped either.

As I say just struggling just now and wondered if anyone else is experiencing or has experienced this and wants somewhere safe to talk about it.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Ive been diagnosed with post natal anxiety after a traumatic birth and hospital stay. My son is 4 months old and ive had councilling once a week everyday of my mat leave so far. Its one of the hardest things ive ever done.

I find my anxiety centers around naps and his sleep. I catasrophise over it everyday. Im easily overwhelmed with things. My husband has had to come home from work once and take over care of my son because I wasnt coping. He goes to nursery at 5 months and im terrified of him not napping well there. I find myself wishing away the months to a time where there isnt quite so many naps to worry about.

[icedaisy]

Hi @Letsallscreamatthesistene I'm sorry you are struggling as well.

I completely relate to what you have written about catastrophes and feeling over whelmed. I found I did this with lots of things. Sleep, milk, weaning, etc.

See when you say you worry about naps, do you mean him not getting them? And then what you have to deal with later if he doesn't?

Dd was in nursery two days pre lockdown. One day she napped far to long and missed lunch. She only napped after lunch with me. I was absolutely devastated. Took me days to calm down. Seems ridiculous now but the change to her routine caused me way more stress than her.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Yes thats exactly it - worrying about dealing with an overtired baby, and how it will impact on bedtime and night sleep.

Its nice that im not the only one 🙂 How else does it effect you? Are you getting help? xx

[icedaisy]

Yes I'm back having counselling once a week by phone.

I feel really sick around bed time and my bed time. I worry about her constantly, is she sleeping, is she to hot, to cold, poorly. I went through a stage of checking her temperature constantly.

It's like this fear grips me that something is going to happen and I'm not good enough.

I had so many losses that can't be explained and I struggle when nobody can tell me why she made it.

I totally relate to the sleep thing. It took me so long to establish good sleep I am obsessive about it now.

I just wish I could relax more and enjoy her. She's so wonderful yet I'm so scared.

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Its exhausting isnt it?

Im currently obsessively trying to find a daytime routine for him, but he changes so much at the moment because hes so young and rapidly developing (stretching his awake windows etc) its hard to stay in one. Hes currently waking up at 4.30 every morning (going back to sleep to 5.30) and I dread it irrationally.

[chubbyhotchoc]

Yes I live with chronic anxiety. I had miscarriages and then when I had my dd she was quite sickly and never slept much. Like yours she got lots of bugs and illnesses right up until she was about two. She's now six. My anxiety has changed a bit from heath anxiety as she's got older. I have it about her going to school, playing out, being in the garden, water... I'm expecting another and I my anxiety is as bad as it ever was. I've never got counselling because I have anxiety about that too ( long story). My advice is to keep up with the counselling if you've got as far as getting some already. It's a really tough thing to live with

[icedaisy]

Yes exhausting.

I don't think I got a decent routine until she was about six months and weaning if that helps. I didn't get sleep until fourteen months but that's another story.

@chubbyhotchoc that sounds very familiar as well. We have had a few weeks without a bug and I'm moving to other things. Eating stuff she shouldn't, obsessing about that. When are you due? I'm Christmas.

I'm finding the counselling hard in that it's exposing a lot of the pain I went through but I don't see how it's going to help with the current stress if that makes sense.

[chubbyhotchoc]

@icedaisy end of November. Oh yes eating things was a constant worry. I remember I lost the cap off a very small adapter. Didn't go to bed at all that night trying to find it in case she choked on it. Never found it. Anxiety tends to go hand in hand with ocd type behaviours.
I've heard good things about cognitive behavioural therapy. Could you ask your gp for a referral for that? I'm not sure digging up why you're anxious is necessarily helpful. I know why I'm anxious and I'm sure you do too. You just need help actually managing it

[Letsallscreamatthesistene]

Im doing CBT and its really helpful. I actually have found finding out the reasons for my anxiety helpful. Its sometimes painful, but ive found it gives me a deeper understanding.

[icedaisy]

Interesting about cbt. Not heard of that. Will do some reading.

Yes I know why I'm anxious. Because I lost so many babies and nobody can tell me why.

[Yorkiee]

@Letsallscreamatthesistene I read your post. You will get there. I was the same. Trying to find a schedule that best suits lo. This only happened at 8months!! I kept changing routine because she kept chaning everyday. But finally at 8 months we can folllow the schedule.