Resentment

[SDmummytobe]

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to know if anyone has ever experienced something similar. My baby is only 6 weeks old, me and my partner have always had a good relationship but recently I'm starting to resent him!!

I thought he'd be a hands on dad but he's the polar opposite, he dosent get involved at all he will hold him for 10 minutes whilst I shower if I'm lucky, I do all the feeds, nappys, play, cooking, washing, cleaning, shopping, cooking and night feeds and I feel exhausted! I feel like I'm doing it alone. He has hot meals, long baths, sits on the PlayStation everyday and it feels like his life hasn't changed at all

I've tried speaking to him but he just gets his back up and says he works long hours, and he does help 'he holds him now and again' ect , I just don't think he has a clue and there's no reasoning with him. I'm worried he's not bonding with our baby, he says it's boring doing feeds ect but I've told him it's bonding time more than anything.

Because he hasn't spent much time with him i get really bad anxiety if I need to leave the house for half an hour, or even whilst showering thinking is he ok, he will tend to leave him to cry and just rock the bouncer slightly and he will get so worked up.. I just want to know if it gets better as the baby gets older, I've read men tend to be better with baby's that can interact a little more ect

It's gotten to the point where I don't want to spend time with my partner everything he does has started to irritate me. I feel slightly trapped because our son is so young.

Sorry for the long post x

[Teacaketotty]

I’m sorry your going through this, unfortunately I wish I could say he will change and it will all get better but I cant. Babies are hard work, it doesn’t get easier per say just different - your DC growing bigger won’t change your partner.

He should want to help you and spend time with his new baby, without being told. Even after you have told him he’s getting defensive or thinks he’s doing fine - that’s a bad bad sign I’m afraid.

Stop doing his washing, cleaning, cooking right this second. I honestly would hate him if I was you so I’m not surprised at how you feel. You would have less work doing it yourself since you wouldn’t have him to look after too, ultimatum time - sort it or leave.

However you can’t make him want to be a good dad. Is this the life you want is my main question? How old are you both? Xx

[YRGAM]

If he doesn't want to get involved with his baby, that doesn't stop him doing work around the house. I would say to him that if he doesn't want the baby that's fine, but he has to cook every night, clean the house, do all the washing, do all DIY, and get all the food shopping so you can concentrate on looking after the baby.

[SDmummytobe]

Thank you for replying it's really difficult, I went for a shower yesterday and I heard the cry but nothing else he wasn't talking to him or cooing him to try and calm him down (which always works and he knows) he was just holding him and basically looking at him, I stood my ground for around 20 mins but then I knew I needed to go down

I took him off him and sushed and rocked him and it stopped in about 30 seconds, he was so red from the crying and I felt my heart break.

I didn't do his washing or make tea when I was pregnant or before he's always done this but around 3 weeks ago started asking what I do all day and ' new borns aren't that difficult'. I flipped at him but he didn't get it , so I've started doing it because I feel like I should.

I wish I could leave, if we didn't have our son I 100% would. But with how he is with him, how could I leave my son with him without me being there :( ..( if he was to go to his certain days say) , he's still so tiny and helpless and the thought of me not being there and he's just with his dad leaving him to get so upset ect. I'll tell him he needs a bottle as he last had one 3 hours ago and he says things like ' he dosent sure most babies go longer than that' just absolutley clueless !!

[YRGAM]

I'm so sorry. If you feel your baby is at risk, unfortunately in the short term I dont think you have an option other than to take exclusive control of looking after the baby, and if he asks then explain why. On no account should you cook for him or do any work around the house for him! Then I would start 'getting your ducks in a row', as they say on here

[fonxey]

I find it was how many women find themselves in this situation and find it acceptable enough to do nothing but grumble about it. I'm not talking about you OP, just the amount of similar posts on mn and how normal it seems to be.

Your oh isn't a father. He can't even calm a child down yet he asks what you've been doing and that a nb can't be that difficult?

I'd unplug the PlayStation and confiscate it. Stop doing anything for him. Tell him he can go sleep on the sofa and stop referring to him as the father as he isn't one.

I don't get how so many men can be so bloody useless. This is 2020 not 1920. Men were probably of more use back then compared to some now!

[SDmummytobe]

I know it's shocking isn't it , it's confusing cause he was so excited for him to be born and now nothing , I hope things will improve for my sons sake! I thought the same it's like the olden times now he's the only one earning it's like he feels entitled to do naff all else even on weekends. He sleeps in the spare room cause he 'can't stand the crying' , when our son only crys when he's hungry once the bottles in his mouth he drinks and goes straight back to sleep! Crazy ! Thanks for your replys everyone x