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I'm lonely - can anyone relate?

11 replies

Putapeonyinyourpocket · 27/01/2020 19:54

Sorry if this is not the right board, but I'd really like to know if I need to give myself a wobble or if what I'm saying is relatable.

I'm a sahm to my 18 month old toddler. We go for a walk every day, to the beach or park and attend a local play group once a week.
I am the only mum out of our friendship group who didn't return to work (we couldn't afford childcare) I feel awful for saying this, as I understand how lucky I am to be at home but I'm so lonely.
Me and my husband car share, I use it once a week so me and my son make a day of it. I normally plan to catch up with a friend that day too, however this week two friends have cancelled on us and it made me realise how lonely I am. I won't have a conversation with someone I actually know until my husband comes home.
It sounds sad but I was so looking forward to our day out tomorrow and catching up with a friendly face, obviously il still take my son but again it will be me and him. I worry that he's missing out as we're just surrounded by girls.
I try to make new friends at groups but my son has hit the climbing on everything stage so I literally say one or two words and I'm off chasing him.
Am I being dramatic??

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FTMF30 · 27/01/2020 20:49

You're not being dramatic at all. I feel the same and I feel as though I've completely drifted apart from the friends I had pre-baby.
I'm trying to figure out what to do about it but I find it hard to make instant friends. Im better in a no pressure setting (e.g. making a new friend at work after sharing common ground).
Do you speak to any of the other mums at playgroup? Ive tried at mine but it's just amounted to small talk.

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EssentialHummus · 27/01/2020 20:56

I get it OP. I sah with a two year old and while from the outside I look very socially active etc I sometimes feel so lonely and in need of a good adult chat. No advice really; you’d inevitably already be trying anything I suggest.

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Putapeonyinyourpocket · 27/01/2020 21:05

I do try to engage with the other mums but like you say it's just pleasentrys (whilst my son is throwing himself off the climbing equipment) I'm trying a new group further afield tomorrow.
Sad as it is, I'm happy it isn't just me feeling like this.

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Fleeflyyflooo · 27/01/2020 21:09

I totally get how your feeling. I'm somewhat in the same position and feeling the same. I try to get out with my little one as much as I can but tend to go alone 99% of the time as I don't really have friends in the new area I live now, so feel quite isolated. Not sure I can offer any advice, but hope your little one is giving you many unforgettable memories which beat any feelings of loneliness. 👩‍👦

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Putapeonyinyourpocket · 27/01/2020 21:47

Thanks for your lovely message, he really does. It's me that feels like I'm becoming a shadow of who I was initially, almost like I've become socially awakard... If that makes any sense?
I think I need to remind myself of how lucky I am and that I go to those groups for my son, not for me.

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Fleeflyyflooo · 28/01/2020 06:21

Do you think maybe taking sometime to be you again may help? For example, starting a hobbie to try make friends that way? I get how comsuming it can feel when your lonely and only have only your lo day in and day out for company. As much as I wouldn't change it and I love watching my lo grow, it's very intense. If I was you I would just stick with the baby groups. If somebody talks then great! (People may just be shy/quiet/maybe feeling the same?) If not, your son is still socialising and having a great time climbing on everything and it's the other mothers loss.

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nzeire · 28/01/2020 06:27

God, I remember those days. Finally mustering up the courage to chat to someone, and got a complete loonie who stalked me for months :) looking back, funny (but not). Keep on keeping on. Eventually I found my people!

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AJPTaylor · 28/01/2020 06:50

What time does dh come home? Could you do something in the evening? Book club, choir or similar?

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JollyHolly30 · 28/01/2020 06:55

What part of the country are you in OP? Smile

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RNBrie · 28/01/2020 06:55

I absolutely understand. I used to find excuses to go to the corner shop and the post office because the staff members there always seemed pleased to see us and I got a little chat Grin

Have you looked into church run toddler groups?! They tend to be a bit smaller and have less equipment and you absolutely do not need to be religious to attend. They exist for just this type of reason. Also our local Salvation Army runs a nice toddler group. You have to go regularly before you start to see the same faces but I made some good friends at our local church group who I still see now my dd is 8.

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Putapeonyinyourpocket · 28/01/2020 12:30

Hey, we went to a gym group this morning further afield and some nice chatty people so I'm calling that a success. I have just re joined yoga so I'm hoping that will help, I'm just so glad I'm not some loss recluse as many of you are saying you can relate.
I'm Essex based, hubby gets in around half five.

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