Struggling with toddler please help

[Klouise777]

Hi all lo is 19 months old and I'm really struggling atm. I work part time and get lots of help at home but it seems never enough. Atm we hardly leave the house because it's not worth the effort if anyone has some tips to help it would be appreciated. So lo will not go in pushchair to the point that he shakes the bar on it and screams and cries, where he holds his breathe crying which causes lots of people to look and make comment. I've tried ignoring but I get the odd comment and it's not nice. He loves to run around everywhere, we've tried reins but if he doesn't get to go in the direction he wants he stands and screams the place down. He will not hold my hand and just shakes it off everytime. I can't explain to him as he doesn't yet talk more than the odd word and so I'm sure he doesn't understand me. This has been going on for months with no change and I'm becoming so down and just staying in for an easy life. Christmas is coming and I'd love to get out and do some shopping, thanks x

[Hugsandpastries]

He will understand a lot more than you think, their understanding is usually more advanced than their words.

I get what you’re going through as my son was just like this and still can be at 3! It feels embarrassing but most parents will just be relieved that it’s not just their kid playing up. We went through the breath holding thing too but he did gradually grow out of it when he was about two, so you may not have long to go.

Sometimes I resort to bribes to help with the pushchair, like some fruit or a rice cake. Or I’ll offer a toy if he sits in it. I’m trying to use psychology rather than force to leave the house, for example mine doesn’t like being left alone so if he is refusing to come I’ll say ‘mummy’s off now, bye!’ and pretend to leave. Usually I will quickly be followed. Not sure if any of this will help as they’re all different, I’m just muddling through but we do manage to get out every day, think it’s important for your mental wellbeing not to be stuck in so hope you can get out x

[MeadowHay]

Hi, my DC isn't exactly as you describe especially as they like to go in the pram but they've only been walking for a few weeks so that's probs partly why. My DD is 17m. She does have epic screaming meltdowns about other things tho like going in a different direction on the reins like yours, or nappy changes, or whatever. We use food sometimes to cope when necessary, not ideal but works as she's very food-orientated. If I could distract with toys or other things I would/will but usually doesn't work but food always will. She has a dummy too, she will often cry in the pram without her dummy but she is fine with the dummy in. When I say fine I mean she will be fine if I'm walking with her in it - obviously she won't just sit placidly if I'm looking in a shop, she would get annoyed and cry then too. I say that because you mention Christmas shopping and I just want to put a check on your expectations. I never stay in all day with DD (altho I'm at work 4 days a week like) as it's hell with her getting bored. But there's no way I could do much Xmas shopping with her, she would understandably get bored and cry/throw tantrums. We just do more toddler friendly things like park, playgroups, library, quick shop visits, visiting family etc. We also do the "ok bye bye mummy's going out/in this direction etc", that works to get her to come but doesn't improve her mood iyswim.

Try not to worry about any comments or anything, people can often be really rude and insensitive without realising I think. I do get that cos DD does have some epic meltdowns. And she was a horrific baby that screamed all the time for like the first 7 months of her life. So I felt self conscious too walking down the street with a hysterical baby all the time but I just built a thick skin and I don't care anymore, it's nobody else's business.

[Tamtam86]

My little one is similar in a lot of ways, she is 18.5 months (and I'm 8 months pregnant with baby no 2 so a little anxious about how I'll cope when I already struggle with one!!) She just wants to run around and doesn't often sit in the buggy, I've found that if I let her walk for a bit and run around as she likes then sit her in the buggy with a snack that's when I'll get the longest stretch of her staying in there - although obviously depends on where we are and if this is possible! Also if we go out with friends and she sees other children we are with sitting in the buggy that makes her more likely to do the same. But in all honesty I wouldn't attempt shopping for anything more than a quick dash to one or two shops with her! On my days off with her we always get out and do something but it's usually just a playgroup or class, soft play or meeting friends so it doesn't rely on her sitting in a buggy, I have definitely had to manage my expectations in terms of getting anything done for myself as I found I'd just get frustrated whenever I couldn't get what I planned done!

[sebbiesmum]

I remember feeling exactly the same around 19 months. To the point I carried my son under arm kicking and screaming (me with tears in my eyes) out of B&M vowing to never take him out again. Same scenario wouldn't go in pram and reins were always a disaster.
He's 2 years 1 month now and it's A LOT easier. We still have melt downs and still don't go to the supermarket with him but generally with his speech and understanding improving it's getting drastically better.
I think it's a difficult time for them as they want to do so much but don't yet understand why they can't and I'm sure we'll be thankful for their strong will one day but I relate to how frustrating it is at the time.
Things that helped were his balance bike/scooter and giving options but I think it's a question of wait it out for the most part. Like everything it's just a phase.

[MuchTooTired]

I feel your pain! My DTs are 21 months, and have abandoned their pram (they’ll just fight each other if they go in it) so walk everywhere. If we’re in the supermarket they ride in the trolley with the shopping, or we’ll go to the shopping centre that has a train trolley they can sit in. They have meltdowns on occasion in the shop (Smyth’s I’m looking at you!) so I tend to avoid the worst offenders for now.

If your little one is crying so hard they can’t breathe, gently blow in their face - it gets them to take a breath and start breathing again.

They’re generally pretty ok out and about now but were a bloody nightmare a few months ago. When they had their epic meltdowns I’d have a fuck off face on to anyone who looked disapprovingly at me, but the vast majority of people either left me alone or sympathised!

[morningmarigold]

My dd is a similar age and I am finding it tough. She won't sit in her pram, kicks of shoes when carried etc. I don't enjoy the toddler stage, I'm running out of patience and there's another year to go before she starts pre-school. My dh is helpful (but works full-time whereas I'm a sahm). I feel swamped. I also have two other dc, one with challenging behaviour and I'm craving more me time more and more, hardly any extended family/no support. I rarely go to the supermarket/shops alone with little dc and sometimes she naps so we don't make it to toddler sessions etc. either which means that I don't always see another adult until dh returns home. They are cute at this age but I'm missing that a bit because I'm so swamped by all the dcs needs and there's not enough balance. I know it will get easier and I feel like it is a shame that I'm beginning to wish time away a bit because if I am honest, I am finding it tough going.

[Selfsettling3]

Bribe with snacks. Only go to toddler friendly places eg park, soft play. Have a positive for when you leave eg we are leaving the park to go home for hot chocolate. Do you Christmas shopping online.

[iloveewanthedreamsheep]

My son was just like this at this age. MUCH better once he turned two so not long to go!