Grisly grisly grisly baby

[TheCuriousSofa]

DD2 is exactly one month old. She sleeps about 20 hours a day. If she is awake, she is grisly. Always. I don't remember DD1 being like this. I just don't know what to do with her other than feed her. That will usually settle her - and I'm perfectly prepared for a lot of cluster feeding at this stage - but she is literally never happy when she's awake. Ever. At all.

I feel daft posting this, but I just don't know what to do with her. It's just starting to feel like she's always miserable, and I feel like I should know why. I guess it doesn't really help me if everyone says it's normal and I just have to ride it out, or if everyone says it isn't and I'm no further forward. I just don't understand why she's so unhappy being conscious!

[Knittedfairies]

I do hope you mean grizzly...

[surreygirl1987]

My son was like that. He was content and sleepy for the first 8 days of his life then seemed to 'wake up' and hate what he saw. The only time he was awake and calm was when he was feeding too.

From my own experience-

It could be partially personality. Google high needs baby. Or spirited baby. My son is just that. He's very hard work.

It could be overtiredness or overstimulation. My son couldn't handle loud noises and lots of people at first. And he started refusing to nap and got awfully overtired which made him so miserable. But often refusing naps is linked to discomfort....

A miserable baby could also be due to discomfort. My son also had this as he had cmpa and other allergies as a young baby (grown out of lots of them already) and he reacted through breastmilk. Consider this. Another common issue is reflux (silent reflux is harder to spot) or a tongue tie. My son's wasn't diagnosed until he was a month old so he struggled with latching for ages. Some people also swear by a cranial osteopath but I didn't have any success.

So those are some of the things that could be why your baby is miserable and if you can find a treatable cause, like giving up dairy for a cmpa baby, great!

However, you might never know why your baby is miserable and may have to wait it out. My son is now a really cheerful 9 month old but it has taken time. Ways to cope...
A sling. If your baby will tolerate one (mine wouldn't until he was old enough to go outward facing) this will become your best friend. Go to a slings library to get one fitted. My boy screamed the whole time...
My boy benefited from a routine from 8 weeks so he had regular naps. Find something your baby likes - mine was only happy being carried around- and do a lot of it! I always swore my baby wouldn't have a dummy but then I had my baby... It calmed him and kept us sane. And get some help if possible. I would have killed for someone to come and give me half an hour break but my family all live really far away and my husband was always at work. And above all, remember it's no reflection on your parenting at all (I felt like the worst mother alive). My boy is soooo cheerful now but he was the most miserable newborn ever!!
Finally, just remember not to compare your baby to your friends' babies. I did this and felt like a failure. But while my boy got easier and easier (he couldn't get any harder!) theirs got more and more difficult as they left the newborn stage.

[surreygirl1987]

@knittedfairies 😂

[TheCuriousSofa]

Freudian slip, knittedfairies.

Thanks, surreygirl - I think! I suppose I was hoping for stories of whingy newborns who suddenly transformed! I think overtiredness could be a factor. Once she's off, it's difficult to settle her, so things tend to escalate. I have also wondered about silent reflux or an allergy, so probably should do some more research there. She's very happy (ie. asleep) in the sling if we're out and about, but she won't tolerate being in it if I'm stood at the sink or trying to play with DD1 - we have to be marching along.

We'll see how we go. But I think she just isn't fond of being a helpless little baby...

[Rosebud1302]

My boy was like this as a newborn and it was definitely linked to overtiredness and struggling to nap. I used white noise, swaddled him and gave him a dummy and all really helped (until he rejected the dummy after a few weeks )

[TheCuriousSofa]

It's definitely not just overtiredness as she's like it ALL the time, not just after being awake a while - it's just that it escalates over time.

How likely is CMPA if she has no digestive symptoms? She snuffly, and I THINK has some discomfort (but this could just be wind or general unsettledness). She doesn't have any of the other symptoms at all.

[Ruby3105]

My little boy is 7 weeks and I feel the same, I am worried that he is unhappy but don't know what to do for him and he is my first so feel out of my depths. He is content while sleeping and feeding and I don't think he has any real digestive discomfort. He is starting to spend more time awake and alert but doesn't seem to enjoy anything and just gets upset. I don't know how to tell if he needs to do more or less... It makes me feel useless! Sorry I can't help, but I understand what you mean.

[surreygirl1987]

Yes sorry OP. I wish I could tell you it all changed at 5 weeks but it did take its time! Just rest assured it will improve!

Cmpa can have loads of different sorts of symptons. Digestive, skin and respiratory are the main 3 areas it can affect. My boy only had digestive issues. My mum says I cried for the first few months of my life and always brought my knees up screaming after feeds, so now she thinks I just have had cmpa as a baby too. It's just one thing of many that can make a baby unhappy.

Of course there might not be anything 'wrong' ... Some babies find the world in general very overstimulating and struggle to cope when they're tiny. Google 4th trimester.
Overtiredness is still a possibility if your LO doesn't nap plenty. My boy cried when he woke up but I eventually realised he was still tired and needed more sleep but didn't know how to go back to sleep. I took him out for a loooooooong walk in the pram and he slept for ages on one occasion and I think caught up a little on his sleep debt.

Wish I could help more. I remember those horrible early days so vividly. I thought I was losing my mind. If it gets too much do please get some help or see if your partner can take some holiday or something as I wish I had!
To give you some hope... breakthroughs for us were at 8 weeks (when he started napping better so was less tired), 4 months, and 7 months. Massive improvements at each of those points.

[Why1990]

I have a 5 week old at the minute and I find myself comparing him to my first child aswell. But they are so different it's like being a first time mom again!
My baby was lovely for the first 2 and a half weeks, then we had a week of he'll where he cried all the time while awake.
Health nurse said if he has colic I can change his formula to comfort. We changed 8 days ago and he is so much more settled and happier.