Mixed race bullying issue

[whoohoohoo]

HI everyone,

I'm new to the site and have reached out as I really need some advice about a sensitive issue.

My daughter has just finished Year 1. She is a mostly happy, well adjusted kid who is doing amazingly well in school ahead of the curve in everything as well as accomplished in music and a looker to boot. The reason I say this because it seems to have placed a target on her back at school by another jealous kid in particular. One other thing is that my daughter is mixed race (British + Asian). However, since Reception at school she has had some issues with a friend who is the oldest girl in the class and has been known from nursery as calling herself the 'head of the school' so lets call her HOS kid. My daughter gravitated towards her from early on because at the time they were the oldest two kids and she is very mature for her age and is more comfortable with older kids who can communicate at a similar level to her.

However, even since nursery my daughter and her 'friend' HOS kid have had some friendship issues. HOS kid gets easily jealous and would interfere with my daughter making friends with other children. She would also be a bit mean to my daughter whenever she would receive any praise in school e.g. laughing at her show and tell rather than saying 'well done' or some other kind comment that my daughter freely passes out to others. While HOS kid is very vocal in front of her peers, she comes across as being very shy and introverted in front of adults. If you ask her a question she will not answer you, instead my confident (younger) child would answer, something that would later on make her appear to be the ring leader in HOS kid's parents eyes. My husband even witnessed HOS kid hit our child at a birthday party but HOS kid denied it. We have not raised this with her parents and probably should have because it's probably the type of thing you'd like to know. At the time we didn't want to create waves with the other parents and it's a bit late to bring it up now. The trouble is because HOS kid is seen as shy and quiet her mother is oblivious to her behaviour.

After that we tried to continue the friendship between my daughter and BOS kid and I explained to my daughter why bullying is wrong and that friends don't make each-other feel bad.

However, their friendship deteriorated over Year One to the point that I told my daughter to find some other friends and to stay away from HOS kid who by now has a great knack of being very naughty behind teacher's backs and an angel in front of them. So other than certain class time groups she doesn't play with her at break times and we don't do play dates any more.

Except, the latest upsetting development is that HOS kid (who is also mixed race) has been telling my child that she's 'very dark-skinned' and making my daughter feel bad about not being light-skinned. I found this out at the weekend just after school wrapped for the summer. I'm guessing that she's heard some prejudice at home about skin colour or variations in darkness maybe from her parents/grandparents? No idea.

As a parent of a mixed-race kid I perhaps expected her to face racism at some point. What is surprising is that it's coming from another mixed race child and also that it's happening at such a young age (they are both still only 6 years old).

My husband and I haven't really had a talk with her to prepare her for this. I'm also not great about applying suncream (not that I mind her skin being darker -she is gorgeous- but from a drying and sun-damage perspective I need to do better). The other kid's mum is a bit more religious about sun cream I guess which is why my daughter is now more 'tanned'.

I'm pretty upset and now have to convince her that she is awesome, beautiful on the inside and out etc and that skin colour doesn't matter.

The thing I'd like to know is should I raise this with anyone? Should I let the school know (even though they have now wrapped for summer hols)? Should I tell the HOS kid's parents? Although I really don't think they'll take it seriously. They are convinced their kid is an angel who wouldn't say boo to a goose.

Any advice welcomed to help us discuss issues like these with my daughter and my son who may face this in the future when he's at school.

Thanks a lot and sorry for rambling on.