Is this normal?

[balloonyellow]

I’ve been discussing contact arrangements with exP. He would like to do 1 week on, one off and so forth. My DD is only 3 and I just can’t fathom not seeing her for 7 days straight! I’ve read a few threads where people have this custody arrangement but it’s always older children

[Beargrin]

I don't know if it's normal but I'd imagine it wouldn't be good for your DD. Too unsettled, not enough stability but then I don't know a lot about it so maybe I'm wrong.

[Wilbs77]

It's way too much... like living a double life. She needs a stable routine and a sense of security. She needs a 'home' sorry if this is coming across wrong, I just feel passionate about thus stuff as I fought my ex for years on this. He has them every weekend and they're grown up now, it's been 11 years and they've missed out on so much just from having to go to his on a weekend!

[LetsDialDownTheIanPaisley]

No chance. Tell him to piss off and put your child above his selfish (maintenance avoiding) needs.

[Whitechocandraspberry]

If you have no concerns about his parenting why not?

[Sculpin]

Has your ex explained why he thinks this would be a good arrangement? I don't think 'normal' matters really if it's right for your individual situation. Maybe he thinks this would be better than lots of to-ing and fro-ing between you? What are you suggesting as an alternative?

[dancemom]

Would it have to change again when dd starts school or could he facilitate school runs etc on his week?

[missyB1]

I think this sort of arrangement can work for older children but for very young children it can be confusing and unsettling. But all kids are individuals and it’s about the two of you thinking about your dd’s personality, and putting her at the heart of any decision. It’s not really about what suits the parents best.

[conflicted1234]

Courts do favour 50/50 custody these days but I would hate it personally. My son sees his father regularly but his home is with me. Has your ex considered work/childcare arrangements?

[Ginger1982]

I can see why you don't want this and it isn't often the norm, but it could be argued why should he be relegated to EOW if he is a good father and she is used to seeing him every day? Tricky one.

[BackforGood]

Worry less about what other people do or what they perceive as 'normal' and work out what is going to be best for you, for your ex, and for your dc.
Children are actually very adaptable, one week at each, in turn would be perfectly processable by them. Life is a lot easier if you both live near enough to each other that anything else in their life remains stable.

Do you both WOTH? re you both able to do drop offs / pick ups from childcare? Or is one of you a SAHP? in which case that gives you lots of different options.

[mamaoffourdc]

This is how most custody is done in New Zealand

[BertieBotts]

She is too little. Young children need frequent short contacts, not long stints. However, it's not really about how you would cope with her extended absence but how she would cope with yours (and/or her dad's). How involved has he been in childcare up to this point? Do you trust him to care for her? Is she still breastfeeding or quite strongly reliant on you? For example, if she was with her dad and she hurt herself, would she accept comfort from him or be asking for you? That kind of thing can factor in as well. What would be your suggestion of reasonable contact?

I disagree with others, normal does matter a bit as you need to know if he took it to court what would be likely to be awarded/agreed in court. It might be worth seeking mediation if you can't agree what would be reasonable between the two of you. Do note that if your ex-partner has been abusive or controlling towards you it might be inappropriate to try and decide things between the two of you.

This website might be helpful. www.sortingoutseparation.org.uk/children-parenting/