Not coping

[an1997]

I'm still not coping with my baby. He's 5 months old I don't think I'm depressed but maybe I am. I'm 18 living at home and want to move out soon but my baby is high demand. But my family seem to think that he's a really good baby and that I'm just really negative about him. I am negative about him but that's only because I think he's really hard work and I've seen better behaved babies. They think I'm horrible about he way I speak about him but I think it's normal to moan. I don't even really know why I'm posting this I just feel like shit and don't know what to do anymore

[bluebell34567]

sorry for your situation.
you are very young, you will get there. dont blame yourself very much.

[Merename]

I’d say all babies are hard work and yes it’s normal to moan. God knows I do and I’m much older than you. But what do you mean about ‘better behaved’? What does he do that you feel is worse?

[an1997]

@Merename he gets bored really quickly and needs constant stimulation, he refuses to be put down and left for any longer than 10 minutes and he throws tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants already. He's just never easy and I rarely feel like he is happy and smiling and talking

[Cosmoa]

I'm sorry you're struggling! What's he like when you get out and about? Do you go to any groups or swimming or anything like that? Hang in there... As he gets a little older you be able to do more with him and he will be able to move about by himself.

My daughter is 9 months old and really hard work at the moment. She's not quite crawling yet but is really frustrated about it. She just wants me to stand her up all the time and gets upset when she's on her tummy or back. And throws herself about in a tantrum! But she's getting there and I'm sure there's light at the end of the tunnel!

Don't know if I've said any helpful words but you're not alone.

[NCKitten]

My baby is 5 months too! He is a very easy baby, but it's still hard work! How much do you know about babies and their development? I would make sure you are in regular contact with your HV, so you and your baby get the support you need. It's normal to struggle with the adjustment to motherhood (I hope so anyway - I found it really hard!), but it's really important to understand your baby so you don't have unreasonable expectations, which will make you very frustrated. At five months, he doesn't behave badly - he simply doesn't have the ability to decide what to do yet, everything he does is driven by instinct. Not wanting to be put down can be tiresome, but it's because back when humans lived in caves, a baby that would happily be put down would not survive. Could he be teething? My normally super smiley baby has been very grumpy for the past two days because of this.

What do you mean when you say he refuses to be left for longer than ten minutes? Do you leave the room? I couldn't leave my baby on his own for ten minutes unless he was asleep I think. The constant need for attention is hard work, but a few good (sensory) toys should help a lot - most 5mo babies I've seen will happily play with a good toy for quite a while.

What do you mean by "he's never easy"? How is he sleeping? Does he feed well?

[emmagrace96]

Hi lovely, I was in your exact position, I was 19 when I had my first daughter and I struggled a lot, just because non of my friends were in a similar position and I still lived with my mum so I had no real space and felt like she was hovering trying to do a better job. Have you applied with the council for a house ? The sooner you have your own home the better, you will gain more independence. Moving into my own home really made me. It is very hard for young mums I think, we lack the support we need and I think that not all but some people look down on us for getting ourselves into the position that we are in. What you are feeling is normal and babies are hard work regardless of whether they are an angel or not, you have a whole other person relying on you ! Listen to what your family is saying but try and get them to acknowledge that you are finding it difficult right now. My mum would always say how amazing my daughter was and how much of a good baby she was but in those first few months I felt like I was really struggling. Maybe speak to your GP if you're really concerned. You could have PND, I hope I help a little bit. I know how lonely it can be X

[NCKitten]

Sorry if my post sounds patronising - I found knowing about how babies develop really helped me understand my baby better and manage my frustration. Have you seen the BBC programme about how babies develop? I've found that really helpful in understanding my little man.

[NCKitten]

Moaning is normal BTW, and other people telling you your baby is easy when you're struggling is very unhelpful!

[BlueMerchant]

Maybe he's picking up on your stress a little . The more stressed and anxious I felt,the more my little ones seemed to be unsettled and generally get grouchy.
I also think it's easy to look at others and see a quiet little baby content in it's pram and think ours is a real handful when really we not seeing the full picture of what the baby is like all the time. Mum could be feeling just like you.

[an1997]

Thanks all. I do know a lot about babies development and totally understand it all but it doesn't seem to really make it easier when I'm in the middle of him crying or needing me all the time. I don't leave him often it's just to put on a washing/ hang up a washing or clean something or get dressed. Just the normal everyday things. I want to move out and be on my own but I'm so scared that I just end up living in a shit hole because I can't get anything done because he won't let me. I just kept thinking things would get easier and I don't feel like they are. I recently started the pill which I think has made things feels worse but maybe I do need to speak about this to a doctor too because I don't feel normal.

[emmagrace96]

I would definitely look at a different contraceptive especially if this drop in mood has begun since then. I was terrified about moving out and being by myself but trust me, it's the best thing you can do, I got a sling to carry my daughter in at times when she really wanted to be with me and a little bouncer chair that attached to the doorway so she could bounce about and still see me. And sometimes, if you know your son is safe, just do what you are doing for five minutes, he will still be there, safe when you get back from washing the dishes or putting a handful of clothes away, obviously I wouldn't leave for longer than five minutes but slight separation might help. Things will get easier. When my daughter was around your sons age I really really struggled, they are coming out of the newborn phase into something completely different. As soon as you get into the swing of one phase they change the rules ! I found 5-10 months hard, but I'm pregnant with my second now and my daughter is my little best friend. I promise it gets easier. And I know how intimidating some mum groups can be so maybe take your little one to soft play, to the park, go swimming and get out of the house ! Do little fun things that don't feel intimidating and scary, not saying you find them that way but I know as a young mum I didn't want to go to those groups X

[emmagrace96]

I would definitely look at a different contraceptive especially if this drop in mood has begun since then. I was terrified about moving out and being by myself but trust me, it's the best thing you can do, I got a sling to carry my daughter in at times when she really wanted to be with me and a little bouncer chair that attached to the doorway so she could bounce about and still see me. And sometimes, if you know your son is safe, just do what you are doing for five minutes, he will still be there, safe when you get back from washing the dishes or putting a handful of clothes away, obviously I wouldn't leave for longer than five minutes but slight separation might help. Things will get easier. When my daughter was around your sons age I really really struggled, they are coming out of the newborn phase into something completely different. As soon as you get into the swing of one phase they change the rules ! I found 5-10 months hard, but I'm pregnant with my second now and my daughter is my little best friend. I promise it gets easier. And I know how intimidating some mum groups can be so maybe take your little one to soft play, to the park, go swimming and get out of the house ! Do little fun things that don't feel intimidating and scary, not saying you find them that way but I know as a young mum I didn't want to go to those groups X

[NCKitten]

It's so frustrating when you can't get anything done! I just have my baby in the same room with me when I need to crack on with stuff. Downstairs he is in his baby high chair (I move it between the dining room and kitchen) and upstairs he's in his bouncer (bathroom/ landing) or Bumbo. I don't get on with our sling, but he loves watching me (I was amazed the first time I noticed that he was just gazing at me washing his bottles)). If you don't have appropriate seats for him and can't/ don't want to get any, just pop him on the floor or a cushion. Added bonus of floor time is that he can't fall I have to say I've found the not being able to do anything on my own was one of the things I found hardest to get used to!

Leaving home is shit scary even without a baby. Try not to worry too much about how you will cope with the housework, it is what it is and as long as it's not squalid your baby will be fine! germs are good for babies anyway

Will your baby be going into childcare at any point? When does he go to bed? Most housework here gets done after baby bedtime.

[Merename]

You know yourself so defo speak to Gp if you don’t feel yourself. Baby does sound normal but doesn’t mean that’s easy. Do you have a jumperoo? My 5mo will sit quite happily in that for a while which helps me get bits done. But yeah she has to follow me round the house, we have wee stations in each room to entertain her.

[Wallsbangers]

I found that stage really hard, not independent to do anything and seemed to hate being by himself. It got much better when he could sit up and look round better. Sounds like your LO is just being a baby, they don't know how else to be. Are you getting much support? From your family? From the dad? From HV?

It's bloody hard work when you're exhausted and the smallest tasks seem to take forever.