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Perspectives and comment on contact and Court Order?

(4 Posts)
user1498329421 Tue 13-Mar-18 22:44:53

Hi there.
Sorry, this may be in the wrong place as it is more spouse/divorce/Child Arrangements related. But I was more looking to seek different perspectives on a problem I have. Not so much to get advice but to bounce things around and talk in a neutral setting as there are a lot of sensible people on here.

Basically, me, my estranged wife and our two daughters are in Week 3 of an Interim Court Order covering a Child Arrangement plan as I took my wife to court for contact with the girls. This is an over-simplification (details on request!) but my wife didn't have any problem with me seeing the girls or them staying with me, it was just always going to be on her terms and with her exercising a veto, not sustainable or healthy.

At Court the Cafcass Officer basically said that there should be a 50:50 split and we thrashed out an agreement where in school term-time at least I would now have the girls staying with me for seven nights in a two week alternating rota. Back to court in April for a Final Hearing.

My wife has since said that this is 'too much' time to spend with me and that she would be 'contesting' this at the next Hearing. More pertinently, since she said this she has started (I think) pushing the boundaries of the Interim Court Order by dropping the girls off late, making me talk through things or persuade, telling me that they don't want to come to me that night, even taking one of the girls out of school to go to the GP for (I think) trivial reasons so that she won't be there for me to pick up and I have to negotiate with her or support her further to see my daughter.

It's only happened twice so far, but from her previous behaviour it is very easy to draw conclusions and with a looming Final Hearing I don't want things to diverge from what is right again. My partner says that my estranged wife is clearly testing the boundaries of both me and the Court Order and that I should definitely raise this in court at the next Hearing as evidence of her not complying with the plan. Also I should look at what recourse I should take now to see what the Court can do to intervene or advise on this now.

But I'm unsure what stance to take. The deviations from the legal document are fairly minor, a matter of a hour or two so I could be over-reacting or seen to be controlling or aggressive? And my wife has made all the right noises, she has been saying things that nominally encourage the girls to be with me, etc, told them that they should be with me. At a first glance her behaviour is not unreasonable, but I'm seeing it from a certain perspective and I know her to be often disingenuous.

Just to provide some context for the above, my wife is quite controlling and has shown consistent alienation behaviour with the girls - telling me that I lack basic parenting skills/common sense, the girls that they should only stay with her if they feel poorly, telling the girls that I don't want to be with them and I want to do stuff without them during periods that we have both agreed that they stay with her, that she has been the 'sole parent' since our separation despite the girls staying with me for 2-3 nights a week for two+ years

Just wondering what other people think?

EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic Wed 14-Mar-18 09:26:03

I’d try Dadsnet.

Smurfy23 Wed 14-Mar-18 09:46:26

Do you have a solicitor you could speak to?

user1498329421 Thu 15-Mar-18 10:56:19

@Smurfy23 Yes, I was going to describe the instances of what is going on with my ex- with the aim of constructively raising them in a court context.

But I am interested to see what other parents would think, just to get some perspective or to challenge me on some points that I think are covered?

@EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic I have already, ta. But I think this board gets more traffic and I would be more interested in the feedback here.

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