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Clingy Baby

(10 Posts)
Chesterlife Wed 14-Feb-18 00:03:50

Hello,
I have a 5 month old, and she is becoming increasingly clingy. Since she was born she has always been rather clingy. but now people are starting to make comments on this.
She is exclusively breastfed and I have always fed on demand. She never takes a feed that longer then 10 minutes so she does feed quite a lot during the day.
My partner works nights and therefore my Little one is only really ever around/with me.
Recently family members have started to say some unkind things as my little one wont go to anybody and its my fault since I breastfeed. I know this isn't the case. However my partner has now started to moan as my little one will hardly go to her daddy, only if she is in a good mood (very rarely) I understand that he is Hurt and really feels like she doesn't like him. But im so unsure on what to do. If I leave her with anybody she will scream blue murder until I get her back again. I feel so guilty that my she wont settle for anybody but me and Im exhausted, as nobody will offer any help.
She wont take a bottle at all. so I can't even express and leave her with family members.
Will her clinginess ever subsided? Is anybody else babies like this?
She will play on her playmatt for no more then 10 minutes. She still isn't sitting up unaided yet. So If she doesn't like the playmatt or the rocker then my only option is to hold her.
Please tell me I'm not the only one.

stellenbosch Wed 14-Feb-18 00:17:27

She just sounds like a normal five month old who loves her mommy?!

mindutopia Wed 14-Feb-18 20:11:50

That sounds pretty normal to me. Babies tend to want to be with the people they are bonded with. As you don't have family around constantly all day and your partner isn't home much, that's you. Mine certainly was held on rare occasions by family members at that age, but not much or very long. She just didn't know them. They can't see faces very well, so they know what's familiar by touch and smell and that's really just you. Mine literally wasn't put down for about the first 4 months. She slept all naps on me. For the first probably two months, she didn't even sleep except on one of our chests at night (we did nights in shifts, so one of us was always awake to hold her). All perfectly normal really. Ignore your family.

My dh was around more than yours is probably, but when he was home in the evenings, he wore her in a wrap so she had lots of close contact with her (he did this from birth) and he did all her baths. That was their bonding time and as a result, he had a lovely bond with him and was happy to be with either of us. Yours can do this on the weekends if he isn't home much during the week. He should be just as confident with her as you are. If she gets upset, he just needs to figure out ways to soothe her and bond with her just like you have. That isn't because she's clingy. It's more because he hasn't been given or taken the chance. It doesn't just happen. You had to figure it out and help her to bond with you and he does too. You may need to just leave her with him to settle. Go take a walk or run to the shops. You can feed her before you go so you don't need to worry about bottles. And give him time with her. He needs to work it out for himself.

But yes, mine was pretty clingy. The separation anxiety phase is particularly difficult for any baby who is well bonded to a main caregiver (this is a good thing!). So from about 6-10 months was tough for us. But once we got through this, she popped out the other side a lovely, confident baby. My first is 5 now. She's always been very confident and outgoing and never clingy at all as a toddler, transitioned well to nursery at 8 months, loves going to school, well bonded with close family members and teachers, etc. I genuinely believe that's because I made her feel secure as a baby.

Chesterlife Wed 14-Feb-18 20:23:24

Thank you Mindutopia.
I think its just a phase. I do just find it really hard when she's crying with my partner. I try and leave it for as long as I possibly can before I can't take her crying anymore. She is find with him when we go out and about and he carries her in the baby carrier. She is also fine with people if she is being distracted but then as soon as she realises im not where she can see she cries.
I am hoping that eventually it will just subsided, but soon I will be retuning back to work and im so worried about leaving her places as I know she will scream and not understand it.

sthitch Wed 14-Feb-18 23:30:42

Sounds normal to me- I also have a 5month old and she will put her arms out for me and cry - then it’s all smiles when she is back in my arms.

I don’t know why people always have to be unkind - I’ve had the same comments, like there’s something wrong as she loves the person who’s there 100% of the time? People need to remember that this is what babies do and we’re not just going to let them get upset.

Super123 Wed 14-Feb-18 23:35:19

At this stage and being exclusively breastfed, this is perfectly natural. She doesn't want to be far from her source of food and comfort.
I know it is hard on other family members, but there will be endless opportunities for them to have a role when dd is a bit older.

Chesterlife Wed 14-Feb-18 23:43:46

Thank you all for your support.
Fingers crossed as she becomes more independent and starts exploring then she may be less clingy. However I dont hold much hope for it.
I love her cuddles and her wanting me, but at the same time. Id Love to manage to go for a pee in peace, or actually be able to just make some lunch without having to do it in 5 seconds, before she screams the place down. hehe.

masktaster Thu 15-Feb-18 08:01:53

It is a stage, and it's really important.

A secure attachment to a primary caregiver (what your child has!) is so important and so underestimated. Right now you are teaching her that you are always there for her when she needs you - which will give her the confidence to be independent when she starts to want that in a few months.

DS (8mo) was/is very clingy, but now he's mobile is loving his first steps towards independence, knowing that I'm right here if he needs me. He does have a good bond with his dad because we've been lucky enough to be able to afford for both of us to be off work for a few months, but it's still me he wants maybe 95% of the time.

The clingy cuddly phase doesn't last long enough imo. My siblings (significantly younger than me) have grown up in the blink of an eye and now they're aloof teenagers who would be too embarrassed to cuddle any family member. Enjoy it!

GreenPillow Thu 15-Feb-18 08:49:39

I could have written your post (although ff not bf). It's intense with a clingy baby but nice too as they clearly feel secure with us. Love my limpet but wouldn't mind a quiet wee lol. They won't always want this many cuddles so trying to make the most of it smile

RadioGaGoo Thu 15-Feb-18 09:13:52

I'm sorry your family members think their needs are above those of your baby.

I can however understand how your DH might feel, but it is just a phase and it will pass. Just enjoy all the baby cuddles - mine is 10 months now and just wants to be off exploring, no time for cuddles!

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