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Managing 2 under 2!

(13 Posts)
LDH17 Fri 12-Jan-18 05:40:05

First time poster here! I have a 23 month old and a nearly 6 week old.
Just wondering if anyone has any tips on how they have managed/coped juggling the 2.
I am breast feeding baby, which takes up a lot of time as he feeds a lot, and is fussy in between and doesn’t really want to be put down. He’s also very sicky and will only go to sleep being fed, quite needy really.
Toddler is very active, just starting to get up to mischief and test the boundries! And I feel guilty for not being able to spend much time with him. He’s such a lovely boy!
I’m very lucky really as husband is great, has been doing most of the housework, looking after toddler etc. He’s home in the evening to help with dinner/bedtime too.
He had four weeks off work and since been back I’ve had a lot of help from parents, so I’ve not really had them both on my own for a long time yet. But I still find myself stressing and worrying about how I am going to manage it when I do!
Part of me thinks I should just bite the bullet and just have them on my own without help so I can get used to it.
I had a c section too so only just being able to get back to normal, being able to lift toddler etc. Still can’t drive yet which also makes things difficult. Especially as toddler is at that awkward don’t want to go in pushchair, don’t want to walk, will only be carried stage!! So can’t walk anywhere with them both unless someone is with me to run after/carry him whilst I push the baby! I need to get out the house every day, can’t stay in all day as toddler gets bored and destructive and I go a bit stir crazy!
Anyway sorry for rant, but any tips/stories about how it all worked out and you are now loving it (!!!) would be greatly appreciated.
All I seem to be doing at the moment is googling how do I manage with a baby and toddler!

m33r Fri 12-Jan-18 06:44:33

My DS1 was a bit older than yours when DS2 was born (2.5) but we have always had trouble with his walking so similar issues. I worried about the same things and we stayed in a lot in the beginning and DS2 had a lot of cartoon. We just survived. Then gradually it got easier and yesterday I found us out for the whole day having a great time and me managing just fine. So my advice, is take it a day at a time and take all the help you have then when you need to, you’ll do great.

Practical tips - a sling which I found DS1 in constantly for the first few months (worried myself sick how I would ever get him out of it but again he just did); a buggy board and always have bags packed the night before in the off chance you do decide to go out - you can just go instead of organising x

m33r Fri 12-Jan-18 06:45:07

DS2 is now 5 months btw

teaandbiscuitsforme Fri 12-Jan-18 08:00:13

I've got a 21mo gap and DS has just turned 1 so hopefully the hardest year is now behind us.

Definitely have them on your own if you're feeling ok with the cs scar - it won't be as bad as you are fearing!

Does your toddler go to Nursery? My DD does 3 mornings and that gives us a nice routine and a little bit for free time with DS.

We've always gone out in the morning- playgroup, classes, etc. Generally something more organised. Then in the afternoon we either nip to the shops or we go out for a walk with DD on her bike/scooter. In the early days, DS would be in the sling and DD would go on the scooter that I could push just to keep control of her!

It's always nice to have the help but definitely brave it with the two of them- it's such an achievement. Could your mum maybe come over at 9:30 so you could get out of the house for 10, do a bit of washing/tidying whilst you're out and make the toddlers lunch, then help for an hour with lunch when you get home at say 11:30?

Also the biggest thing for me is that nap time has always been sacred. So whenever DD went for her lunchtime nap, I've always taken DS for a nap in my bed so I can lie down. You need the downtime!

lorisparkle Fri 12-Jan-18 08:25:55

I had the same gap as you and a c-section. It is hard work but does get easier and the relationship between them as they got older was lovely. I found a bouncy chair invaluable. I would sit and play with ds1 whilst bouncing ds2 in the chair . I also used the playpen sometimes to keep ds2 safe in and sometimes to keep ds1 out of mischief. I also found a wonderful baby and toddler group. The other mums were supportive and helpful whilst I could have a cup of tea, sit down and ds1 would be kept busy. When our and about I did use reins either to keep ds1 safe or to add as a double harness to stop him getting out of the pushchair. I struggled with a sling unfortunately. I had a Phil and ted eventually which was great. I always decided that I would deal with the one crying who I could solve quickest and try and ignore the other. I am afraid that CBeebies did come into it a lot when breastfeeding!

lornathewizzard Fri 12-Jan-18 08:44:31

With such a small gap I really would consider a double pushchair, you can get one second hand. Toddler just needs to deal with being in it if he won't walk, you can't carry him and push the baby.

And yes just get out. The first thing I did was take them both to a big supermarket for done bits we needed. It was scary but felt great when we did it! And you'll keep going once you get started.

Go to softplay so toddler can burn off some energy and have fun, and you can hang with baby

LDH17 Fri 12-Jan-18 09:20:21

Thanks for the replies! M33r good to hear you are now enjoying it and are ok.
I think I am probably worrying too much about how hard it will be and it won’t be as bad as I think. Think the biggest thing is worrying about not giving either of them the love and attention they need.
Unfortunately baby doesn’t like the sling! I keep trying him in it but so far no luck, he just cries and gets more upset till I take him out hmm!
I do have a buggy board I was given by a friend actually haven’t tried it yet, going to get it out and try it!

Teaandbiscuitsforme yes ds1 goes to nursery 2 days a week at the moment, will be dropping down to 1 end of Feb when on stat mat pay as it’s too expensive! But that does help, just me and baby today which is fine.
My mom has been helping a lot, but good idea about her doing stuff in the house whilst I’m out. At least can just concentrate on getting out and not what needs doing at home!
And yes I think next week I am going to try having them on my own for the day and just do it, then hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think and I’ll feel better.
I remember worrying lots about everything with ds1, then we got into a routine and it was fine. Then this time I thought cuz I’ve done it before I won’t worry and it will all be fine, but instead I’m just worrying about different things grin!

Lorisparkle yes I will definitely be doing lots of toddler groups I think. Ds1 already goes to one on a Tuesday which will carry on taking him to and will try and find some more we can do.
He has been watching lots of CBeebies already shock which I do feel bad about, but needs must at the moment!!

Good to hear other people that have been through it and it’s ok!!

When did you get the 2nd into a bedtime routine? I can’t remember when we did with ds1, amazing how much you forget!!

LDH17 Fri 12-Jan-18 09:24:43

Lornathewizzard yes we have got a double pushchair that we got off eBay smile however the other day after me and my mom trying to force him I’m it for 5 mins we gave up shock! But yes I think if I need to walk with them both will just have to force him in and he’ll have to kick off!
Soft play good idea too!

lorisparkle Fri 12-Jan-18 09:56:21

I used to worry about how I was going to do things but then once I had done them and found a way to make them work I felt much better and then would remind myself that I had a strategy for one situation so I could find one for another situation. The period of time you are in now I found the hardest of all the ages and stages. I had 3 under 4 for a short while and that was easier! Once the baby is more ‘interesting ‘ and you see that relationship grow it will more than compensate for you having to share your love and attention. One tip I was told is to give your attention to whoever needs it. Don’t worry about making it ‘fair’ or ‘equal ‘ it will all turn out alright in the end!

teaandbiscuitsforme Fri 12-Jan-18 12:33:13

Bedtime routine - not until nearer 5months. I used to bath them both from about 10 weeks, feed DS whilst reading with DD, then take him downstairs. When he stopped settling downstairs, I'd do the same but take him into our room instead.

I wouldn't stress too much about routine. You've got the be more flexible with two and find the path that works rather than trying to force them into something. You'll get there!

Clarabumps Fri 12-Jan-18 12:41:18

I had a 18 month gap between my boys. I found having a wee plan of doing something semi active in the morning(a walk jn the park, baby group, soft play) to try and tire the elder one out then the rest of your day is easier.
I must admit, the first year was hard but I soon found strategies to cope. U found routine for the bedtime was invaluable. Not when the wee one was tiny obviously but later on. Mine woke at 7 and I put them to bed at 7 whether they were tired or not.
I wasn't a very good mum after 7pm and by that time I was spent, emotionally and physically. It meant I got to eat a meal with Dh and sit on my arse for a bit and recharge. Those evening hours were precious.
I also ended up with 3 under 5 and that seemed easier funnily enough.
You'll get there!!

LDH17 Sat 13-Jan-18 04:19:38

Thanks all for the advice. I think I need to stop worrying so much and just get on with it and see what happens and it will all be fine!
Feeling more positive now smile.
And yes definitely want to try and get a bedtime down so they both go at 7, would be amazing to have some time in the evenings back!!

Prezel1979 Sat 13-Jan-18 21:02:56

I found a buggy board really irritating because I kept tripping over it. Got this instead which is BRILlIANT joovy.com/caboose-ultralight-graphite/.

- you can put newborn on it in car seat using the supplied adaptor, later he can go in pushchair section
- your toddler has a seat AND a board he can stand up on if he wants
- all for almost the same weight and length as a standard buggy. I live in the city and I could take this on the bus without getting dirty looks. Oh, and you can fold it up.

I would get something like that so you can transport both without tears and then go out as much as you can. It will get easier! 💪🏻

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