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When does common sense kick in?

(7 Posts)
paganmolloy Wed 06-Dec-17 09:03:53

I really try hard to instill this in my kids. DD14 is pretty sensible though has the occasional lapse but DS (almost 13) I could seriously get sectioned for having a mental breakdown. He wanders through life with his head in the clouds. I'm sick of constantly repeating myself for the simple things and when the serious stuff happens, he's a gormless dough ball.
I treat them both the same, get them to do the same household chores, talk things through trying to get them to think of solutions to stuff but the lack of logical though drives me insane. I'm not holding out much hope if my DH is anything to go by.
Help!!!! Even if it's just to hold my hand and tell me it'll all be fine in the end.

PastoralCare Wed 06-Dec-17 09:14:57

It may take a while.

You need to read about "teen brains" and how they are still being formed.

If memory serves, teens have not a fully evolved "break" system. For instance they understand in the abstract that smoking is bad (or not studying or whatever) but that isn't linked to a mechanism that would modify behaviour.

That's why being prescriptive with the usual "this is bad for you" is mostly ineffective. They know it is.

PastoralCare Wed 06-Dec-17 09:18:27

There is a book titled "The teenage brain " which seems to synthesise the latest research.

This is an excerpt from a review in the New Yorker.

The frontal lobes are the seat of what’s sometimes called the brain’s executive function. They’re responsible for planning, for self-awareness, and for judgment. Optimally, they act as a check on impulses originating in other parts of the brain. But in the teen years, Jensen points out, the brain is still busy building links between its different regions. This process involves adding myelin around the axons, which conduct electrical impulses. (Myelin insulates the axons, allowing impulses to travel faster.) It turns out that the links are built starting in the back of the brain, and the frontal lobes are one of the last regions to get connected. They are not fully myelinated until people are in their twenties, or even thirties.

Footle Wed 06-Dec-17 14:04:18

PastoralCare, I'm not being pedantic but I want to know - did you mean 'brake'?

PastoralCare Thu 07-Dec-17 08:47:28

Yes sorry "brake".

Seeline Thu 07-Dec-17 08:49:58

DD has had commonsense since she could walk/talk
DS is 16..........

Still waiting

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Thu 07-Dec-17 08:51:05

About 23yo. At the earliest.

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