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When DH has to take over the lions share of the parenting...(4 Posts)
Pregnant with DC2 and struggling with severe nausea/sickness. I am off work. DH has had to take over the lions share of the work at home and in terms of parenting. However, within 2 weeks, bad habits have set in and although I'm grateful and understanding that he's doing all the work, I feel he's un-doing all my hard work!
DC1 has always been a good sleeper alough sometimes wakes in the night in need of a lost toy or blanket has fallen off. I see to him and go straight back to bed. Within the last week, DH has been sleeping on DCS bedroom floor, he screams all sorts of demands at bedtime, which he never used to and DH just keeps giving in! Tonight, DH has worked late and I can't believe the amount of crap I've had to contend with at bedtime, it's been utter hell and I'm exhausted. DH just gives in for an easier life but it's created a whole list of bedtime problems that didn't exist before I was ill!
I dont know what to do. I've been told I need to rest as much as possible by the Dr, but it's just created more shit to deal with. Help!
Undoubtably not what you want to hear but I would just leave it and focus on feeling better yourself. Any bad habits can be undone at a later date if necessary but if you are the one who usually does bedtime etc, it is probably unsettling for your son to have a change to his routine and he will be able to sense you are not feeling well which is also probably upsetting.
I think toddlers can't always express their worries. So they won't say 'I'm worried about Mummy/the baby' or 'I don't like it when bedtime is different' (even if their language is good enough), they will show it in other ways. My 3 year old had seemed fine with husband and granny when I had a planned Caesarean but suddenly on day 3 ish postop he got really upset over something trivial (eg turning the TV off). I was in bed upstairs and they brought him upstairs so he could spend some time with me and he cheered up straight away. So although he hadn't said anything along the lines of 'I want to see Mummy' that was what he needed.
On the other hand toddlers also like to push the boundaries so there could well be some of that going on too!
My husband has got better at setting boundaries over time, I think he realises now that it can be worth it in the long run. So maybe yours will come to realise that he needs to be a bit firmer - I think sometimes they have to find this out for themselves though rather than being told...
I hope you feel better soon.
In contrast to the ppm, I really wouldn't leave it. You want bedtime to be as easy steps possible once your new baby is here. Fwiw, my h was the same which resulted in me doing everything despite working, vomiting and feeling like death.
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