How to react to my friend's child pushing DS

[prayfordirection]

They are both 5. DS has just started school, so they had a play date at my friend's house. They've not seen each other for nearly a year. I knew my friend's child is a bit on the "bad tempered" side. He had a record of hitting people, including adults, and it used to be a lot worse. It seems that he has calmed down a lot in the past year. So I was actually happy to see them get along without argument ... until my friend's child abruptly push DS twice when they were fighting for toys. Once onto the ground (I did make any fuss about it) and the other time off the chair knocking DS's head on the door. The shock made DS bursted in tear.

What I did that moment was told that little boy very firmly that they can disagree but they can't hurt each other and my son deserved an apology from him. He refused and told me that he didn't want to play with DS and he didn't want DS in his house.

My friends was not there at that time. But I know she's been always trying very hard to tackle her little one's temper and behaviour issue. So I don't want to give her extra complaint but seriously don't know how to react in front of the child.

They are in the same school (different year). So I'd expect there will be more play dates to come. Even if not with my friend's child, with other children, there will always be fight and DS is not on the rough side and I expect to see more of similar situations.

What's the best way to react? It's a very tricky situation in my eyes. Would appreciate some more experienced mums give some tips to be fair but diplomatic.

[christinarossetti]

In this type of situation, I tend to focus on the child who has been hurt. Focusing on the child who pushed etc can build up a pattern of reinforcing negative attention.

So, comfort your ds and help him to say 'don't push me, I don't like it' to the other child. What you said about disagreeing but not being physical is spot on, but I wouldn't push the apology. It just makes that child resentful towards the child that they hurt.

Also, take the child saying that he doesn't want your ds around seriously. Some children just can't cope with more stimulation and social contact after school - being aggressive might be his way of saying that.,