How do you cope when your children do not give you any space at all?

[Zippydoodah]

I have from a very young age always needed a bit of space when I've spent a lot of time with people or been out for the day.

Since having children I have tried not to be like that but I can't change. The kids are 8 and 13 so not babies. Unfortunately my eldest,in particular, is the opposite from me and craves activity, stimulation and company everyday. If she doesn't get it, she's like a caged animal. Youngest is happiest to potter, usually, like me. So, we have done something virtually every day and , at week 4, I have lost the plot.

Today we were at a friends and got home about 4:30 we left the house at about 10:45 so when I pulled up to the drive I said we wouldn't be doing anything I just wanted to sit down and chill out as soon as we got in. I was already tired from a late shift I'd done the evening before. My daughter was demanding her cousin came round to dinner. I told her several times I did not want to start cooking for someone else and going through my cupboards and freezer. In the end I relented and let her phone her. Luckily she couldn't come and she went there. Then my son wanted to purchase some in app money for his computer game which I had already said no to. He went on for 3 hours. Yes 3 hours then finally ended up twisting it,saying he never gets my attention. I reminded him that he had my attention which hed forced in me for 3 hours and it was his choice to spend it whining at me. I had offered to watch a movie with him but he didn't want to. He wanted to help him on the computer game but i was too tired and in then wrong frame of mind.

I started with first begging him to give me some space which i had requested very clearly 3 hours previously and then screaming at him to leave me alone. Eventually he did and agreed to the movie.

If both had have given me the space at 4.30, id have felt refreshed enough to perhaps do what they wanted.

I frequently find myself trying to grab a bit of space for myself and all the calming techniques i have to hand such as music, tv, reading or puzzles are interrupted by them.

What do I do?

[WipsGlitter]

I go to work!! 😂 Best way to get a break!

Sometimes I go to the local shop just to get some time on my own. DS1 is also a persistent asker for things / friends round.

[Mrscropley]

I sit on the loo seat and mnet!!

[wizzywig]

I find the more they cling, the more i need my space

[christinarossetti]

I wonder if you could lighten your load by either saying 'yes' to requests immediately (cousin coming round, new app), saying 'no' and sticking to it or saying that you need 20 minutes to yourself to think about it, then you'll have a discussion. Then don't engage with them during this time aside from to repeat this (obvious injury or illness aside of course).

If you say 'no', then get pestered into a 'yes', it's no wonder that they carry on pestering! Three hours must be a personal best?!?

[GoingRogue]

You poor thing - I feel your pain! I'm a SAHM to a 3yo and 6yo. Would prefer a part-time job if only to get a break but that won't happen til next year now. Things I have found help:

Have a set time every day, when you're at home that is, that is quiet time. For us, it's usually after lunch so between 1pm - 3pm. I normally lie down on a sofa with a blanket pulled over me. I say to the kids just before "I'm having my rest now. If you want anything, you have two minutes. Once my glasses are off and my eyes are closed you DO NOT DISTURB!!".

I've kind of always done it (need a lot of sleep) so they know the rules.

I also use a hot cup of tea as a shield; "Mummy has a cup of tea - leave me alone!" And tell them I'll help them with their game/Lego/whatever when it's finished (then always do so they know I mean it).

[Zippydoodah]

Christina. Yes. You are right. But they are so flaming stubborn and relentless. This is how long they go on. They just do not give up. I didn't give in over the app anyhow but i shouldn't have given in over the cousin

I did repeat several times that i needed some space. I was very very clear. It took me to lose it 3 hours later for the idea to sink in

[Zippydoodah]

Unfortunately I do a manual job which leaves me more tired and the feeling of having less time to myself

[FATEdestiny]

How much freedom are you giving to go out on their own?

My 12 and 13 year olds are hardly ever in. Calling for friends, at the local Starbucks, on the local skate park or watching the kids to tricks on the skatepark, they walk (2 mile ish) to the leisure centre and go swimming, walk (1.5 mile opposite direction) to McDonalds and but a milkshake.... then occassionally they are at our house or a mates house, in a bedroom en-mass, on their phones or whatever. But being in is a rarity.

My nearly 8 year old has 3 friends that live along the road we live. They play football across our driveways, in each other's back gardens or on each others Xboxes etc.

[EggysMom]

Er ... Isn't this just normal parenting? You don't get any space (not even 5 minutes peace on the loo) until they hit their teenage years?

[Zippydoodah]

The 13 year old has had friendship problems since secondary. I would be happy for her to go into town with friends if she would. She has barely contacted one friend the whole holiday. She has lost confidence in herself and has had recent mh problems which have improved but are threatening to resurface with school.looming.

8 year old has boy next door who seems to have been away over summer. There is a boy over the road but his parents work ft so has only been over once . There are 2 girls 2 doors down but they are getting fed up with one another now

[Zippydoodah]

I do have 1 teenager though eggy. I was hoping this summer she would be more independent of me

[Zippydoodah]

I could probaly cope with just having to entertain ds. He does not have to have 24/7 stimulation and i would only have one to please

[GoingRogue]

EggysMom I disagree. I'm teaching my children that I need space most days. Yesterday morning I was in a foul mood and they were doing my head in. I sent them out to the garden and told them not to come back in until I'd mopped the kitchen floor and it was dry. If they bugged or nagged me for anything non-urgent in that time I threatened to lock the back door They stayed out playing nicely for half an hour or more whilst I got a bit of space.

OP sometimes my kids don't get the message until I properly lose my shit and scream at them. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do (despite how shit it makes you feel).

[superking]

OP I am just like you in terms of needing my space. Yy to previous poster's suggestion of using a cup of tea as a shield , although yours might be a bit old for that.

By 8 and 13 I think you need to get a bit harsher with them tbh. They are old enough to understand that you are an individual with your own needs and do not exist solely to cater to them. I would sit down with them, explain this, explain clearly what you expect of them (eg for 2 hours every afternoon they need to occupy themselves without disturbing you). If they don't comply then discipline them just as you would for any other bad behaviour.

[QuirkyGoose]

After coming Ina 4pmish after an activity I left my two downstairs on the Xbox and had a nap for an hour, it's bliss. They are 8 and 10. I do have a health condition that means I do get tired easily, so I've had to teach them to be self sufficient. My DD likes constant attention but she so rarely goes on the Xbox or watch to in term time they do the trick in the holidays. I need a break each day to keep me sane.