Feeling frustrated

[mommabear2017]

Hi
I'm sat writing this in the hope that someone can shed some light. We already have a 3 year old who I have done everything for since they were born, we now have a baby and I'm expected to do do everything for them as well and cook and clean etc.
When I ask my husband why he doesn't get up in the night with the baby he says it's because he works, he moans he's tired like he's the only one that is, I've been living of four hours sleep over the paddy few months , I've taken to sleeping on the settee with baby downstairs as I'm sick of him moaning that he's tired and having a go at me it's like walking on eggshells round him , he just dsnt understand what it's like for me Day and night and thinks he's the hard done to one . I don't even know why I'm writing this I just feel really alone right now

[Coconut0il]

How would he react if you just told him it was his turn to do the wake ups or his turn to do the cooking? If he's like his now, think it will only get worse unless you work something out.
We work it so certain jobs are ours, I do the washing, vacuuming. DP cuts the grass, does the washing up. Could you split the jobs? Take it in turns to cook? I would not carry on doing everything for him if he gives nothing back. It needs to work for you but I used to do the night feeds as DS2 was bf but then DP would get up if he woke about 5 and let me sleep till he went to work at 7. Plus a lie in at the weekend.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn't realise how hard it is to be at home? I work part time and the hours I'm at work are much easier than the hours I'm at home and I only have one under 3. Could you leave him to it for a day?

[mommabear2017]

I've said to him before about him getting up in the night his reply is yeah if you want me to be a Mardy beep tomorrow, he cuts the grass and cooks one night a week which I'm grateful for but I just wish he would give me a break on a weekend but he dsnt he would never get up in the night to give me a break without making me feel like I've asked him to do something major . I honestly don't think he would cope if he was alone with both of them . I'm starting to feel resentful which isn't good and sometimes feel like I'm like a single parent I may as well be one but it would mean loosing my house and I don't want that , I just don't understand why or how he can be like this

[Coconut0il]

Sounds really hard momma and I know what you mean, sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself so you don't have to listen to the moaning. I wish I had the answer, when you're on your own it's easy to just walk away for a bit but with the children you can't do that. Hopefully someone will have some good advice for you. I can totally understand you feeling like you do.

[WhatWouldGenghisDo]

You must be absolutely shattered. I'm just recovering from the first year of DS2's life (day shift running around after toddler followed by night shift with insomniac baby and repeat) and it's taken months to start feeling human again. My DP basically coped with most (basic) house stuff and cooking during that period (I did laundry and neither of us was very houseproud) which seemed reasonable to me since he was only working 9 or 10 hours a day and sleeping all night.

I somehow felt it wasn't ok to expect him to have both on his own so I could have a lie in or a rest until baby was about 9 months old but by then I was a physical wreck. Looking back I should have just handed them both over on week 1.

I can't imagine how you're managing to do everything while your H swans about like he's childfree. I think you should go on strike quite frankly. Stop doing anything for him at all until he starts pulling his weight, and if he starts banging on about how hard he works go away for a weekend so he gets some faint idea of what you're dealing with!

It will get better

[mommabear2017]

I am shattered I hardly ever cry but lately when everyone is asleep I just can't hold it in. I would love to go on strike or go away for a weekend but he probably wouldn't let me go away and as for going on strike he would no doubt turn it around so that I was the bad one. . I don't understand how someone can love me and be hurtful , maybe he dsnt love me and we are just tolerating each other I wish I had the courage to ask him but I'm scared of what the answers will be

[WhatWouldGenghisDo]

Do you think he really understands what a hard time you are having? You sound very stoical - I think this was probably my mistake too. Having an honest conversation about where the relationship is going and how all of this is affecting you sounds like a good starting point - at best it'll improve matters and at worst you will know where you stand.

Do you have any family or good friends who could give you a hand with the kids to give you a bit of a break? An extra couple of hours sleep makes so much difference