help! I am lost with my 1 y.o. DS

[smoros]

Dear mums,

I put my DS in a routine very early on. He's never been very good at napping/sleeping, but we've managed ... somehow .... Now I am totally lost. He is turning one in a couple of weeks and nothing seems to work anymore with his sleep. In the last three weeks he's been waking any tim between 2 and 3 am screaming his head off and nothing - nothing - helps to put him back to sleep. I'vre tried cuddling, rocking, feeding, leaving him to cry it off (which was heart breaking for me). Nothing works. Eventually, after 2 to 3 hours of hell, he goes back to sleep.
His routine looks like this at the moment:
8am wake and bf
9,30 breakkie
11,30 nap (30 min)
1,30 lunch
3,00 bf
3,30 nap (45 min)
5,30 tea
7,00 bath
7,30 bf and story
8,00 asleep
Sometimes he doesn't want to sleep in the morning, hence I push his lunch forward by half an hour and he goes down at 2,30 for no longer than a couple of hours.
I am becoming resentful and very very unhappy. I feel I am already failing him as a mother and just can't stop crying.
Anyone can help?

[KourtneyKardashian]

Sounds like a bit of a regression which is quite common at 12 months.

I got to the stage that I was muddling through and then wasn't coping. I chose to stop BF during the night and followed a blog by Dr Jay Gordon (google it). A very gentle sleep training. Once I stopped bf at night, she ate more and had better bf's during the day. It put us in a better pattern than where we at when she was 1yo. We did this around 14 months.

[DarkFloodRises]

Maybe he's ready to drop from two naps to one? I think they can often go through a transition stage between the two, which can have a knock on effect on their sleep at night time. If so it might sort itself out in a couple of weeks.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

I'd say try to cut down to one nap. It won't be easy for a while till he gets used to it but I'd try.

He can now have food before milk too. I'd try something like this:

8am breakfast followed by a bf.

10am snack

11.30 lunch followed by bf then straight down for a nap for 1.5 hours max.

On wake up around 1.30 to 2 ish bf

3pm small snack

5.30pm tea.

7pm bath

7.30pm story and bf.

8pm sleep.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. These small adjustments will take time to get used to but should help. The main thing you can do is to give him plenty of food, bfs and cuddles in the day. You are definitely not failing him.

If you feel that this stage is getting you down, have you got someone to talk to? How is your HV? Could you talk to her? And how was your birth, was it traumatic by any chance?

And I know it's an extra bf in the day but it may just help. Some mums find that upping daytime feeds can help with night time sleep.

[WhatWouldGenghisDo]

Agree there seems to be some sort of sleep regression around 12 months. Mine both went haywire for a couple of weeks although it was much more noticeable with the "good" sleeper whose sleep suddenly dropped off a cliff. It's definitely not anything you're doing wrong!

I would suggest seeing what happens if you drop the morning nap and aim for a consistent 2 hours after lunch. Try for a week and if it doesn't help you can always reinstate an early sleep. With regards to night waking, choose a strategy you can live with and then be really really consistent with it so baby knows what to expect. And get someone if at all possible to take him for a few hours on the weekend so you can catch up on sleep, you must be shattered.

Hang on in there. You've got through the first year, it's definitely going to get better soon!

[smoros]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions and support!
I will try to tweak the routine as you suggested and aim for one two hours' nap after lunch.
The birth was not traumatic, but quick, just under 7 hours, as baby was struggling and they used a cap to speed the process a bit. Do you think that it could affect his sleeping?
The HV is alright, I don't see her very much, maybe I should have a chat with her, just to take things off my chest.... The vicar saw us walking around the village and told me - unprompted - that I am a good mother, which made me burst into tears.....
My in-laws are on holiday at the moment, and back only in two weeks, which makes things really difficult .....They usually take him for half a day once or twice a week, giving me and my husband some respite. Bless them. I will hang on in there until they are back

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Sorry didn't make myself clear. I was asking about the birth as it can affect you, how you feel you cope and how you feel.

Talking to the HV sounds like it could be a good idea. How have you got on today?

[smoros]

I am totally fine with the birth. I hypnobirthed and it was lovely until the doctors came in and realised that my DD was having a bit of a hard time. I don't think it has affected me in any way.
We had a couple of good nights where he woke up but went back to sleep within 20 minutes. However last night it was the usual 2 hours before I managed to settle him ...
Also, I have noticed that we cant stick to a routine anymore. This is because his waking time changes depending on what happens at night. Some mornings I am so tired that I can't get up,. My body just shuts down and asks for more sleep. Hence I can't wake DD consistently at 8 am. Other days, he wakes at 6,30 or 7 am. His bedtime is also affected.

[Glitterspy]

Possibly the second nap is happening a bit late; I'd try to push it forward before losing it all together.

[ODog]

My bf, just turned 1yo has been having a bit of a sleep regression. They happen. Despite what the 'Gina Forders' might tell you, having them in a strict routine from day dot does not stop regressions. Sleep isn't linear. I also have a 3yo and his sleep goes through good/bad patches.

You can try dropping to one nap and see if that helps.

[WhatWouldGenghisDo]

Ok it doesn't sound like a birth thing. It sounds like you're on your knees because your baby's having a sleep regression. It's a nightmare isn't it, the worse they sleep the more overtired they get and the worse they sleep. Could you try bringing bedtime forward a bit? What are you doing during the 2 hours he won't settle?

[WhatWouldGenghisDo]

[amysmummy12345]

Could he be teething? Try a bit of ambesol if he wakes in the night? If he's refusing to feed it could be because his gums are sore?

[Cutesbabasmummy]

Second nap is way too late imo xx