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How do you deal with being dumped by a friendship group at 35?

(7 Posts)
Peppapigonrepeat Mon 29-May-17 18:27:56

I am trying really hard not to sound and behave like a 4yo, but here goes anyway! Where to start? I have 3 children (5,4,2). I made friends with a group of mums, through our pre school daughters (4). One of which I was there for through a lot. She relied on me for childcare, ear to listen, social life for her and her daughter for quite a while. She had problems with her husband, job etc. None of this was a problem. I counted it as a solid friendship and was happy to be there for her whenever.

We formed part of a group, another mum of which is a long standing friend, who I still have a lot of contact with. I still spend a lot of time with her, she just avoids telling me complete truths because she knows it'd upset me. There were a couple of other mums, all of us with daughters in the same class who I thought got on well socially with and without our daughters.

Anyway, I seem to have been frozen out. They're not rude to me, I just don't hear from them, or get told half truths about meet ups, parties, gatherings etc. E.g. They just happen to all have booked tickets for the same thing on the same day, or a party is only family, but then the photos appear on Facebook and it all looks so blatantly obvious that it wasn't.

I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want to behave like a 4yo, but I'm hurt. It's not that I don't have other friends, but I valued their friendships and now they're gone. There's the added issue that my daughter is also not being involved, but I do recognise that this is my hurt. She's oblivious to the extra curricula's, so isn't upset by it.

Do I just admit that it's gone? Do I try to ask questions? How do I do this without ostracising myself further? At the minute we can all play the 'oh wasn't that coincidental!' card at pickup, but as soon as I make this obvious I won't be able to. I'm aware that I must have done something to irritate the one I was initially very good friends with, but I don't think she'd discuss the real reasons. There'd be a list of (relatively) plausible excuses/reasons. Help me please, I'm trying to stay rational, but struggling majorly! 😔

Msqueen33 Mon 29-May-17 18:30:56

Women can be bitches! Do you think if you asked you'd get an honest answer or it would be awkward? Personally for me I'd be upset but I'd be dignified if it killed me and just be civil and leave it at that .

BetterEatCheese Mon 29-May-17 18:38:05

This was me a year ago - they were awful to me but I feel ok now. Feel the pain and move on. If they can do this to you they weren't great friends anyway.

I hurt so much, felt like grieving, but am out the other side.

Ask if you need to though if you think they will tell the truth. If they lie you will likely feel worse

Peppapigonrepeat Mon 29-May-17 19:57:15

So glad it's not just me! I thought I was odd feeling so irrational. I can't see why any of them would let me in on any home truths, even if it is a problem that I have! Not sure they care enough to do it!!

Lushmetender Mon 29-May-17 21:36:52

I met up with an ante natal class before babies but after was dumped so I hear you. Worse thing is it was my neighbour who didn't invite me to the coffee mornings. Offered one some boys clothes and she invited me for one coffee but added "you can't invite everyone " and that was it. I was really depressed with PND and that made me worse. Funny thing is they don't see each other as a group anymore. You can count your good friends on one hand. Move on

Graceflorrick Mon 29-May-17 21:41:33

What do you think the reasons might be?

BetterEatCheese Mon 29-May-17 21:42:22

It just made me feel so bloody stupid and even now on the school run when I see them I get nervous - it has really affected me but has taught me that people who will only see each other as a group, stick together, expect blind loyalty as my group did, but happily ditch you, are more trouble than they're worth.

They weren't real friends, it's horrible nasty playground behaviour and I am in the end so glad to be out of it, even though my stomach lurches every time I pass them, but this shall pass at some point I hope.

I do miss what we had but realise now it wasn't real.

I hope you find the strength to hold your head up high

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