How to deal with this? Dd (13) sending anonymous texts to friend's parents

[LordTrash]

I just had a very odd phone call from dd's school telling me that her friend's parents had been in touch about an anonymous text and a silent phone call sent to them from dd's mobile number.

I'll ask dd about it when she gets home, obviously, but what do you feel is the appropriate way to deal with this? I'm thinking of taking her phone away until the end of the month and having her write a letter of apology to the parents, but I'm really surprised and a bit nonplussed by this. Is there anything else I should be thinking of doing?

[ImperialBlether]

How did she have their number? Surely she's old enough to know that numbers show up? What did the text say?

[Maudlinmaud]

Did the text say anything or was it a blank message. I suppose it depends on the reason behind it, was it sinister or not. I would have a chat and tell her it's not on to carry on like this.

[LordTrash]

I think her friend gave her the number and this is a bit of a folie a deux. The parents then checked the friend's phone and found the number listed with dd's name.

The text was mystifying, and could be identifying so I won't quote in full, but started 'Just because I don't...' and then went on to describe a couple of features of their lives.

[LordTrash]

So as not to dripfeed, there is some history with the friend's parents taking against dd because of a remark she made (at school, not explicitly to or about them) about Brexit! In what I would call a massive overreaction, they have refused to allow dd's friend to socialise with her outside school. So I guess that's what's behind it. But obviously unacceptable to react by harassing them!

[Maudlinmaud]

Ah ok, so she is acting on behalf of her friend who thinks her parents are unfair/hard on her? I think the responsibilty then needs to be shared. You could talk to the parents too and yes an apology from your daughter would be appropriate.

[LordTrash]

Yes, Francis, I think I will need to mull it over. It's quite difficult to get to the bottom of what dd is feeling about things, she has ASD and avoids emotional language - I think the idea that friend's parents might find this upsetting/frightening wouldn't necessarily have occurred to her.

I don't plan to go in all guns blazing, but I will make it clear that they would have been within their rights to go to the police if they'd seen fit.

[Aquamarine1029]

I thinking approaching her calmly and really listening to her is very important. Flying off the handle won't solve anything, but clearly she needs to know that this behaviour is not acceptable. I think your idea of her writing a letter of apology is an excellent idea. Forcing her to be accountable will be an powerful lesson.