New mum overwhelmed with emotions - help!

[elmo1980]

Due to a previous partner being a bit of a robot my only way of coping in the relationship was to shut down any feelings - positive or negative.

Fast forward a few years and I'm in a happy, loving relationship but was still didn't really get too emotional about life and was always envious of people who seemed to have more feelings.

I had my ds 3 months ago and I am really struggling with the overwhelming feelings I have towards him to the point where I feel that each day that passes I love him more, therefore all the other emotions such as guilt, fear, anxiety etc multiply with it.

I'm spending a ridiculous amount of time worrying about the future - him leaving home at 18, getting married to someone, me dying and him being upset, anyone hurting him, it's getting silly!

I think I'm doing a good job as his mum and don't feel depressed so not sure it's pnd but does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom as to how to deal with this? I don't want to think things were better before he was here but in terms of my mental stability, they were iyswim. I did wonder if it was worth talking to someone as my hv has suggested but I'm not sure they could do much.

[BackforGood]

I was going to suggest talking to your HV, but it seems you've already done that.
I'd take her up on the offer. What harm can it do? Hopefully it will help. You've taken the biggest step in acknowledging that what you are feeling is way beyond the "normal" emotions of a new Mum, and telling your HV. This is the next step. Even if it doesn't help, you will know you tried, but hopefully it will.

[Obsidian77]

Hi op pregnancy hormones can really fuck with you, add in extreme sleep deprivation and the massive love you feel for your baby, it's all such a roller coaster.
It can't hurt to talk to someone about it, especially if you've previously learned dysfunctional ways of coping with your emotions?

[phoolani]

Seriously, this was me. What's happening is you've got used to ignoring feelings which is fine as far as it goes, but now you've come up against something - I.e your baby - for which your feelings are so strong, you can't ignore them. It's not depression - it's the realisation that, finally, something matters so much that it's impossible to ignore. Before my dd was born I knew I could survive anything...after, I knew there was something I couldn't survive and it freaked me out completely. I have no real advice about how to control it, except to realise you can't. Therapy can help; I suggest EMDR, to try and reprogramme your response to past events and your emotional response to them.

[ExplodedCloud]

I think this is anxiety. You were fine as you but suddenly there's a person who needs you and it changes your world.
I needed help and had anxiety meds.

[elmo1980]

Thanks all, and that's a good point about having something that is just too important to ignore. Going to speak to my hv again about getting some help and will look into the emdr.

[summerblonde]

This exact same thing happened to me... my DD is now 7 and I still have times where I think the things you've described. It was bad when she was born, if I read the news where a mum had died, or a child was ill. I would be so frightened and panicky. He first few weeks/months were the hardest. I would just look at her and my heart would break, I just loved her so much (still do obviously!). As your baby gets older it does ease off. You gain perspective. Someone once said to me 'when you get you baby you also get 'the fear'. I think like another poster has said, nothing mattered before. I was carefree and young. I try and focus on the positive. Enjoy your baby.