Title says it all really.
I have three dC aged between 10 months and 6.
OH works away during the week so I'm parenting on my own.
Middle D.C. Has multiple medical issues which require constant doctor and hospital visits.
Baby has never slept more than 2 hours at a stretch day or night and also has medical issues which are being investigated but for which we don't have any treatment which works as yet.
My mum became disabled shortly after my second D.C. was born so she can't help me out. MIL is already a carer for her own mum and also has to support her own daughter a lot with her other grandchildren as her daughter has significant mental health issues.
I've just handed my notice in at work and although I'm returning in a few weeks after maternity leave, I'll be leaving as I can't see how I'll cope with work in the mix too and I'm devastated to be leaving a career I've devoted myself to for over 20 years.
My children are beautifully behaved and a true joy but they're exhausting. The lack of sleep (none have ever slept past 5am in their lives and the middle one's medical issues regularly have me up 3-4 times every night alongside the baby's hourly/2 hourly wake ups.
I'm absolutely on my knees but outwardly everyone thinks I'm coping. I've tried talking to my gp, HV and friends/family but they all seem to either say things along the lines of
This too shall pass
That's what having three young kids is like
Can't you get some help
Can't someone have them for you to give you a break
I already have a cleaner once a week and some help with ironing but I'm still drowning in it all. Fitting in school runs, playgroup drop offs, nap schedules, hospital and doctor appointments as well as the fact our house is currently being renovated so there are workmen here all the time is starting to tip me over the edge.
I've not seen any of my friends since the baby was born as I'm so exhausted that when OH comes home, I just want to catch up on chores then try and rest if I can (which is never as the chores are endless).
I've not been out in the evening for over a year and I used to love exercising and managed to do so with just two D.C. but can't seem to fit it in with three.
The medical issues the two youngest have mean that they can't be left with just anyone or in a crèche etc and I feel so guilty that often it's my eldest that gets farmed out as she's 'easy' and then I miss her so much and feel terrible that she doesn't get the same 1-1 time she used to.
Today was just horrific. Baby didn't sleep for more than 40 mins at a stretch all last night, middle D.C. was up six times too and today workmen have been drilling and crashing in the house all day as well as the gas board choosing today to dig up the road outside my house.
Baby refuses to sleep in the pram or car and has been known to scream for over two hours solidly when we've tried that before. Also refuses to nap at anyone else's house in a travel cot as just screams non stop.
I haven't eaten a single meal from start to finish uninterrupted for over a year (I realised this the other day) and have only had three hours on one morning since baby was born where I haven't had at least one of the children with me 24/7
Today out of nowhere I suddenly started panicking during bathtime. I had this overwhelming urge to just run out of the house but knew I couldn't as the two of the kids were in the bath and the baby was crawling around the bathroom. It took literally all my strength to remain in there and I felt so claustrophobic and couldn't breathe properly.
Eventually I managed to calm my breathing and get the kids into bed, breastfeed the baby and stop shaking but it's really spooked me.
The oldest D.C. has also developed what looks like a nasty skin infection so I'll need to take her to the doctor tomorrow and it was spotting this and the thought of juggling yet another medical appointment with them all in tow which set me off.
I've tried contacting my Hv repeatedly to try and get some support and she has visited me at home before but basically said until the treatment regime for the baby is sorted then there's no advice she can give me to help them sleep and I'll just have to tough it out.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting this as I've gone round and round in my head as to how I could improve things but it's got to the point where I'm so exhausted I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees.
I simply couldn't love my kids anymore than I do and they really are my world but at the moment I'm just a bit broken and feel dreadful.
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So stressed I almost had a bathtime panic attack
17 replies
Sparklycurtainpole · 05/04/2017 20:50
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