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Please help im so worried

(20 Posts)
Adviceneeded16 Sat 25-Feb-17 15:37:07

Hi I have a bit of a complicated question me and my partner split up around 5 months ago we have 2 children we had social services involvement due to 5 referrals to social services all because of my ex partner from different professionals involved with him, he is an ex heroin addict and also used to be an alcoholic he a spent a lot of his life in prison for different offences when we split up I moved to a different part of the country to stay with my sister my daughter came with me my 1 year old son stayed with my ex partner and we agreed to 50/50 custody, my ex partner is now in a new relationship and I know that he is drinking again he told me the other day he has social services on his case on he is ignoring them I have no involvement from social services anymore, he has now informed me he is going for full custody of my son and has stopped all contact and I have no way of getting in touch with him to ask about my son or make arrangements to see him and I'm just not sure what to do next will he get full custody of my son I'm so scared that I'm never going to see him again

Hoppinggreen Sat 25-Feb-17 18:40:45

You left a 1 year old with an ex heroin addict ex alcoholic who has been in prison? Why?
I very much doubt that he would be granted custody but given that you left a small child with this man unless you had a VERY good reason I wouid suggests that perhaps you should be either,

Hiphopopotamus Sat 25-Feb-17 18:43:32

Why on earth did you leave your one year old with him?

LIZS Sat 25-Feb-17 18:48:44

Did ss know you left your toddler with his addict father? You need to contact them and tell them you are concerned and willing/able to have him ft.

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 25-Feb-17 18:49:06

I think you need legal advice as soon as possible - can you afford a solicitor? You need to get legal agreements in place for contact, and probably also look into to getting your son back in your care full time.

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 25-Feb-17 18:50:05

YY to also speaking to social services with your concerns.

user1486499646 Sat 25-Feb-17 18:50:57

You left your one year old with an alcaholic ex druggy and a man who has been in prison.. Go for full custody your self that poor childmakes me feel sick nowing hecouldbe mistreatong him

Karmaisabitch Sat 25-Feb-17 18:57:01

Everyone needs to calm down!

My best friend was raised by an ex heroin addict & ex alcoholic.....SS were involved until they were satisfied he was doing a good job.

27 years later, he's stayed off the drugs & had a few drinks here & there!

He could be doing a great job so don't judge him based on being an ex addict, it's morally wrong!

However, OP needs to get legal advice so they can carry on with 50/50 care.

Don't judge her for leaving her son with her ex.

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 25-Feb-17 18:58:42

If he's drinking again then that's not great though?

Karmaisabitch Sat 25-Feb-17 21:51:49

It depends what rate he's drinking.

If they took kids off of every parent who drank ex alcoholic or not, then all children would be in care!

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 25-Feb-17 21:58:43

He's an alcoholic. I'd imagine that drinking is not something he's going to suddenly be able to control. Plus he has told the OP that social services are already involved, and that he's not cooperating with them. He's also not communicating with the OP either. Doesn't seem like a scenario that inspires confidence in his parenting tbh.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Sat 25-Feb-17 22:05:19

Phone the police. You don't know for sure your son is safe!!

Adviceneeded16 Sat 25-Feb-17 22:23:28

The social services know that my son his with him he has always been a brilliant dad since the day we got together he stopped everything this was 6 years ago he hasn't touched drugs alcohol or been in any trouble with the police he has had a couple of silly moments feeling depressed and had an addiction to painkillers a couple of years ago and this was what caused the social services referrals but I have never had any concerns over him looking after the children as he has always been brilliant it's just the last couple of weeks he has moved into a new flat won't give me his address or phone number and I now know he's been drinking again, i never wanted to leave my son but I have some health problems myself and the outcome wasn't looking good for me but I am slowly getting better and want my son home with me and his big sister, I would never stop them seeing their dad but I just don't know where to go next I really can't afford solicitors and things like that and I'm just so scared that I will never see my little boy again i can only contact my ex on Facebook and he has now blocked me on there so I really am stuck I am heart broken and don't know where to turn, thank you for all your replies I know the post sounded terrible but I really am trying my hardest

AssassinatedBeauty Sat 25-Feb-17 22:37:30

I think you need some kind of expert advice on what to do next. Speaking to social services might help as they might be able to tell you where you can get more help.

This website has some useful information:

http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/children-law-parents-separate/

They also have an advice line:

http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

Karmaisabitch Sun 26-Feb-17 14:33:23

Op, only you know the kind of person & father he is.

You've made a decision based on what you know, it wasn't easy & it wasn't what you wanted however it's clear you've put your child first. Just because that hasn't worked out on your exes part, doesn't mean you've done wrong.

Your first step should be SS, they can track him, your second bet is filling in a C4 form with the courts & submitting a residency form too.

It'll get the ball rolling. With the C4, the courts will try to track him down.

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles Sun 26-Feb-17 14:57:21

You urgently need to call SS and Explain the situation and your concerns about the safety of your child and being able to contact a responsible adult to see how he is. Do not let up unless you know that they have seen him and seen he is safe. Get a solicitor and ask what your options are. Can you go for custody. If he does then demand a drug test too.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork Sun 26-Feb-17 17:42:03

Call SS and they will probably take the baby into care, which would be the best thing all around, at least until the mess can be sorted out.

I have no idea why you think you can't contact him, surely you know where his family lives, where he works, where he hangs out. It's not hard to find out where someone lives so you can;t have tried very hard.

Adviceneeded16 Sun 26-Feb-17 20:34:39

Thanks for all the helpful advice will be contacting social services again tomorrow also a solicitor, I have no idea why you would think my child would be taken into care when he has a mother who is capable of looking after him properly now my health is improving and also a huge family that would also care for him if it ever came to that, his father has never been a risk to either of the children the only thing that concerns me is that he is drinking again, before this he has been a brilliant father so I have done nothing wrong social services know that my son is living with his dad and has never been a problem until the drinking has started again and he refuses to cooperate with me so I definitely have no concerns of either of my children ending up in the system

Coconut0il Sun 26-Feb-17 20:48:24

It would be extremely worrying to me that he is no longer in contact with you. Do you have family/friends who can help you track him down? I would want to see him and your DS face to face. Regardless of how he's acted in the past if he's cut contact you need help. I'd be ringing anyone who would listen, police, ss, health visitor, cab, solicitor.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork Sun 26-Feb-17 23:08:42

I have no idea why you would think my child would be taken into care when he has a mother who is capable of looking after him properly

You don't even know where he is, so I'm not sure SS would agree with that statement.

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