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Do you want a similar family to your own?

(23 Posts)
yaela123 Mon 02-Jan-17 11:01:06

Sorry if this is in the wrong topic - I wasn't really sure where to put it.

Anyway, I was chatting about this with a friend recently and wondered MN's take on it:
Do you think your family (number of children you have and their age gaps) reflects the family you grew up in?
Eg. she grew up in a family of 3 kids and has 3 herself, similar age gaps to her and her siblings. She said her siblings/how she grew up definitely made her want to have a three kids.

However I am the oldest of 2 (we are 2yrs apart) but I have 6 kids ranging 11yrs (currently aged 16,14,10,6,5,5) and OH is the oldest of 4 but they are very spread out (he was 8, 11 and 22 when each was born) so our family together is quite different to the families we grew up in.

How many kids do you have/want to have? How many siblings do you have, if any? Do you think there's a connection?

Stalingrad Mon 02-Jan-17 11:04:44

I am an only child to a single mum. I adored me mum but I always longed for a large bustling family very unlike my own tiny quiet family. I am now pregnant with my fourth child.

So I'm definitely trying to create what I never had rather than copying what I had. Having said that I do try to be the kind of mother that my mother was. She was warm, fun, truthful and though provoking with high expectations or me. I hope I am similar.

xingbake Mon 02-Jan-17 11:14:31

I was third child of four, I definitely only ever wanted two. I wanted a sibling for dc1, but would never want to replicate my family. I still don't know why my mother wanted so many children, I asked her once and she said she 'wanted to get it right' confused, like she wrote off each of the older children once they got to toddlerhood and thought she could do better with the next one... confusedconfused

EwanWhosearmy Mon 02-Jan-17 11:27:07

My family definitely doesn't reflect the family I grew up in, and that was deliberate. I am the eldest of 2, exactly 2 year gap, with a brother who the sun shone out of, as far as my mother was concerned. Sadly she was also the elder of 2 with a younger brother the sun shone out of, so why she repeated it with me I don't know.

We have 5. The eldest 4 are all 2 years apart, partly to get it all over with as quickly as possible and partly because that's how it worked out. The youngest is effectively an only as the others are now adults.

I try to be as unlike my mother as possible. It isn't easy.

snoopyokay Mon 02-Jan-17 11:28:08

No way my Mum had 3 and I will stop at 2! Think with 3 one always gets left out so don't want to repeat that!

1970sCarpet Mon 02-Jan-17 11:30:04

I'm the second of two. Like Stalin I always wanted a bigger family I.e more than one sibling, my reasoning being if you fall out with the only sibling you've got, you've got no one else to turn to.

There's a gap of 2yrs and 9 months between me and older sibling. The magic no 3 never happened for me sadly. I have two DC, exactly 2yrs and 9 months apart.

MrsMoggy Mon 02-Jan-17 11:33:36

I'm an only child and my son will be an only as well. I loved being an only so not worried about him being lonely or anything. On the other hand my husband is the youngest of four but he too only wanted one child

Tokelau Mon 02-Jan-17 11:37:34

I was an only child. My parents are lovely, but ran their own business so I had a very quiet childhood and was on my own most of the time.

I have two children, didn't want an only as I always longed for a sibling. I spent a lot of time with them while they were young, which my parents weren't able to do.

Stitchosaurus Mon 02-Jan-17 11:39:16

DH and I are the eldest of three and have an only (mostly) by choice.

My sister has replicated our family, think my bro might try to if his wife agrees!

DH and I say as the responsible ones who had to look after everyone else, we can only face looking after one child now!

waitingforsomething Mon 02-Jan-17 11:39:38

DH and I are both from families of 3 children, with 2ish year age gaps. We liked the 2ish year age gap but are both adamant that we are stopping at the 2 DC we have! 2 feels like enough for us, so won't be copying our own parents.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes Mon 02-Jan-17 11:39:58

I have one brother, we have a 23 month gap between us. I have a boy and a girl, 23 month gap, born in the same two months of the year as me and my brother. Seems pretty perfect to me.

Confusednotcom Mon 02-Jan-17 11:56:36

I was one of three and it was a pretty shouty house. Now have two and usually all is calm
and happy. I've tried not to replicate my life growing up as I was always looking for some peace and quiet but not everyone would feel the same I'm sure.

0nline Mon 02-Jan-17 12:00:13

I am the eldest of three. We have one child by choice.

It wasn't based on a rejection of my parents' family planning. More a case of practical considerations, the realities of pregnancy/birth, having a baby/child to raise and care for in practice rather than in theory ...all combined = Just The One Kid Thank You

yaela123 Mon 02-Jan-17 12:09:28

Wow - lots of interesting replies!

I remember always making up stories and games as a kid about big (7+) families so I guess I've kinda turned into one of my stories.

Another friend (with whom I had a similar conversation) was also one of three. Sadly she lost her sister when they were all in their teens and she says she doesn't think she could have got through it without her other sister so she wanted that sort of 'safety net' for her own kids in case anything ever happened. She has 4 now.

TheTantrumCometh Mon 02-Jan-17 12:11:29

I am one of three and was planning to have two (though in my teens I thought I'd have 4, then realised quite quickly I am not eventually equipped to deal with 4). I'm currently pregnant with dc3 grin

CaptainCabinet Tue 03-Jan-17 02:49:49

I am one of 3 and want a third. DH is one of 2 and would prefer to stick at 2.

I wanted to replicate what I grew up in (small gaps) but I had 6 miscarriages between 1 and 2 resulting in a 6 yr gap. I can see the positives in this but I do very much want a third and soon. Who knows how this will pan out.

DramaAlpaca Tue 03-Jan-17 03:01:35

I am the eldest of two, DH is one of four.

We have three. Sort of a compromise :-)

Confusednotcom Tue 03-Jan-17 12:05:34

Captain so glad DC2 came along eventually and hope DC3 happens for you soon.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery Tue 03-Jan-17 12:10:56

I'm an only with older step-sibs, who I'm close to but have never lived with. DH is the younger of two brothers. They didn't get on as kids but are close as adults. We have one. I'd love another, and I think DD would benefit from a sibling. DH is determined that he doesn't want any more, even though he accepts that he loves his brother and wouldn't want to be without him.

Scrumptiouscrumpets Tue 03-Jan-17 17:44:14

I have 2 DC and would like three, so does DP, but we haven't yet decided if we have the time etc. for a third.
I am one of three and so is DP, so we are thinking about creating a family similar to our own. That said, I wouldn't want kids like me and my siblings - we fought the whole time. No idea how my parents stood it.

2ndSopranos Wed 04-Jan-17 12:38:36

No no no!

I'm an only and hated it. My parents were old by standards then and I was expected to slot into their very sedate, quiet lifestyle. They are deeply religious too and my childhood was completely restricted.

We have two dc and sometimes I'd like more, sometimes not. Our home is loud, all about the dc and we aren't religious at all!

AmberEars Wed 04-Jan-17 12:41:29

DH and I both have one sibling. We originally planned to have two DC ourselves, but changed our minds and went for a third!

Paddingtonthebear Wed 04-Jan-17 12:43:05

I'm one of three, husband one of two.

We have one child and completely happy with it. No desire for more.

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