MY SON AND MY HUSBAND HATE EACHOTHER

[scottishmama]

I am at my wits end. My teenage son has become a heavy user of cannabis and his behaviour has been appalling - aggressive, abusive - he has been kicked out of one school and started another. He now spends a lot of time slumped in bed or on chat rooms, hanging out with horrible friends. His best friend has been arrested for drug dealing. I am trying to hang in there and hope it's a phase - he still wants to go to University and he can be reasonably affectionate. I still see glimmers of the boy I love. Unfortunately my husband has had enough. He says he can't live with him any more - he can't cope with the verbal abuse. My husband is insisting I kick my son out of the house and says he won't return until he's gone. What can I do? I feel like I am caught between two rutting stags. I'm trying to keep it together for the sake of my other children. I can't contemplate letting my son walk the streets. My husband won't listen to anyone or attend counselling with my son. My son calls my husband horrible names and says he hates him and no longer considers him a father. It's all spiralled out of control dramatically and very quickly. Christmas is around the corner. What shall I do? Has anyone else been in this situation? I loe them both but I can't cope much longer. Help.

[OohhThatsMe]

It's a very difficult situation but I think that as your husband is an adult, it would be easier if he got himself some sort of temporary accommodation for a while. I don't mean kick him out or end the relationship, but just take some time apart.

I couldn't throw my son out, not for this level of behaviour, anyway. Do you think he would be shocked that his behaviour has caused the end of your marriage?

It's so difficult when they have bad friends but at least he still sees himself having a future life away from it all at university.

Have you spoken to his school?

[Heirhelp]

How is your soon funding his drug habit?

[scottishmama]

Thanks for your comments. It's his son and they used to be close. Trouble is cannabis seems so cheap - for less than a tenner he can buy a bag of weed. All he needs to do is miss lunch for a couple of days - I find it impossible to control his money sufficiently. Haven't spoken to the school - he hasn't been there very long and I'm trying to keep him in education. My husband is in such a blind rage about everything that it's impossible to reason with him. I also worry about the long term effect it will have on my son knowing that his father has effectively abandoned him. I know lots of other friends with wayward weed smoking sons - sadly it's very common where we live - but no-one who has had to choose between their son and their husband.

[OohhThatsMe]

He wouldn't be abandoning him. He could live elsewhere and tell his son that he can't live with him while he's smoking weed. Your son does need to know the consequences of his actions.

[GooodMythicalMorning]

Give him a packed lunch so he has less money as a practical suggestion.

Could you suggest family counselling for them both?