Bonding problem... need some support

(9 Posts)
Deve1234 Thu 08-Sep-16 13:55:19

Hi mums!
Please tell me that nothing is wrong with me and things will get better...
My DD is 9 weeks now. She is sweet and calm and everyone says she is gorgeous... But I do not feel bonded with her. I cuddle her, she smiles beautifully, sometimes I even kinda enjoy time with her. But most of the time I just regret having her. This is so painful, how bad mother you need to be to not love your baby?
We had hard delivery - 14 hours of induction followed by emergency C-section and I did not have her by my side till next day. They only showed her briefly to me. Bf was a total struggle and things improved for me after we switched to bottle.
I have been to psychiatrist even but I do not have PND.
Im freaking out that I will never bond with her and our lives will be ruined. How long can it take? sad

nightandthelight Thu 08-Sep-16 15:50:33

Don't panic Deve I was the same and now at 7mo I adore DS. I went to the HV and told her I didn't love my baby and she said it's quite normal to not bond immediately. I deeply regretted having DS for quite a while.

All I can say is that it does get better and you are doing an amazing job. flowers

allthecarbs Thu 08-Sep-16 15:55:01

Babies don't really do much do they. I think the stronger bond comes as they get older and start to respond to you. You get to see their little gummy smiles and their faces light up just for you.

nightandthelight Thu 08-Sep-16 17:25:32

Yes them being able to interact is key. DH took DS away for a weekend and when they got back the moment DS saw me he stopped crying and started laughing. It was the best feeling ever smile

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface Thu 08-Sep-16 17:28:36

I was the same, by 4 months I adored him!

kiki22 Thu 08-Sep-16 18:58:18

My first was a really hard delivery then I was too out of it for the first 6/7 hours to do anything for him he was also hard work I found the first months tough and a lot of the time I regretted having him but as he got older I enjoyed him more, hes 4.5 now and my little sidekick such a mummies boy.

I think the more you try to force it the harder it is try to relax it will come in time and make no difference in the end

wonderwoo Thu 08-Sep-16 21:30:31

Try not to worry, it will come in its own time. I bonded with my first immediately but it was a very different story with my second... I can truly say it wasn't until he was over three that I really felt I wasn't faking it at all anymore. I don't mean I had no bond at all for all of this time, but it was definitely lacking. However, gradually over time it has come about. I had an uncomplicated delivery, but found the first year unbeliveably hard due to his constant crying etc. I wasn't depressed, but it very nearly broke me, and I took a long time to get past that. It's all fine now, I love him to bits and it all feels very natural.

Try not to put yourself under lots of pressure to bond... I think that will make it harder. Just try to notice the little things: the small instances where you notice an enjoyment in your baby, or a positive feeling towards her, no matter how momentary or fleetin. I think that in time it grows and i suspect it will happen before too long for you.

Deve1234 Sat 03-Dec-16 11:27:01

Sooo a little update from me.
It took a lot of time. My baby will be 5 months next week. I am on ADs.
Yesterday was that day. My heart just flicked and for one wonderful moment I felt such love that I can not describe it. It was brief and fragile but it gave me the idea how will it be when my treatment succeed.
Thank you for support. I used to go back to this page many times over last few months. It means a lot to me.

wonderwoo Sat 03-Dec-16 14:52:59

Thank you for updating us. That's lovely to hear. I am glad you found support in this thread. Give yourself time... it is still early days. flowers

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