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(28 Posts)
healthyobsessions Tue 23-Aug-16 19:33:51

I feel like an absolute failure, having such a hard time lately, feel absolutely drained sad I feel like all I do is shout and tell DD off because she is constantly back chatting, ignoring, disobeying, full of attitude, breaking her things, not listening and lying every single day. It's exhausting! Please tell me I'm not unusual in feeling like a rubbish mum..... is it normal to feel so distressed because of this CONSTANT behaviour? Where has my sweet little girl gone confused

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Tue 23-Aug-16 19:37:40

How old is she? Both my 2yo and 5yo drive me to distraction regularly. The 2yo for just, well, being a 2 yo, and the 5yo for being demanding and relentlessly never ever shutting up!

I think its normal. Um struggling especially as I also have a newborn who doesn't sleep, but otherwise if it's got into that negative feedback loop thing, I try to have a day of being positive and seeing the best in them etc. Well I say a day.... Sometimes it lasts past breakfast! grin

healthyobsessions Tue 23-Aug-16 19:41:25

She's 4...... I'm just so tired of the same thing day in, day out. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her something she just goes ahead and does it anyway or gives me the 'but this' 'I'm just' 'but I'm'...... feel like crying

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Tue 23-Aug-16 19:43:58

Sounds like my 5yo. I think it's developmental.

healthyobsessions Tue 23-Aug-16 19:45:49

I just feel like as a mum, I should be able to deal with this sad

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Tue 23-Aug-16 19:50:45

Who said mums are superhuman?

Is there anyone you can do a childcare swap with for an afternoon or something for a bit of headspace?

healthyobsessions Tue 23-Aug-16 19:58:32

I just feel like all I do all day is tell her off and then feel massively guilty when she's gone to bed but at the same time, I can't let this behaviour go on any further....

MamaMotherMummy Wed 24-Aug-16 02:03:24

You might want to try the Nurtured Heart method, it works wonders with kids acting up.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Wed 24-Aug-16 02:15:48

I clicked on this thread hoping to learn your child was 4, as this is EXACTLY my DD and I'm not handling her well. I feel the same as you at the end of the day.

I have no advice, but am willing to bet we aren't in the minority.

VioletBam Wed 24-Aug-16 02:18:12

My DD was like this but generally it was when she was bored/needed a walk outside.

Is your DD getting enough to do? Is she at nursery? Tired maybe?

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Wed 24-Aug-16 02:20:33

Oh, and to be less of a downer, I've been told that this behaviour is best dealt with now than it be worse.

mumndad37 Wed 24-Aug-16 02:33:52

Four is a terribly tough age, but I remember that just when I thought I could not stand another day of my child's behaviour, the next day they would have improved dramatically. Somehow, they sensed I was at the end of my rope, and started doing better, I think. Or I pulled them up on their behaviour enough times that it finally worked! So don't give up, and you're definitely not the only one going through this.

healthyobsessions Wed 24-Aug-16 11:38:07

Thank you everyone for your kind words. DH has took her out for the day today so I can have a break, I don't think I've been having enough 'me' time which has not been helping either....
Yes, she has been to farms, parks, swimming, playing in the garden, feeding the ducks, play dates, sleepovers, shopping, rivers, fun days.... that's why I can't understand her behaviour because even on days where we are doing something fun she still tends to act up?! And obviously we can't be doing something all day everyday and even if we were, she still misbehaves confused
Feeling a little better today and glad to know I'm not alone in feeling this way!

Enjoyingthepeace Wed 24-Aug-16 12:02:42

I really struggled with 4. Really struggled.

But I promise you,bits a phase. You will look back on this time and shudder.

Try as best you can, don't beat yourself up and know that it's going to get a whole lot better

healthyobsessions Wed 24-Aug-16 12:13:06

enjoyingthepeace - thank you so much, that's made me feel much more confident flowers

123therearenomoreusernames Wed 24-Aug-16 12:19:41

I remember starting a thread like this a few years ago.

I wish someone had said "Its a phase it will pass."

She is 11 now, we still have our moments but I am very proud of her. smile

FemaleDilbert Wed 24-Aug-16 12:23:07

Mine too. What's the 4 year old phrase for the 'threenager'?

I'm wondering if it is anxiety around starting school soon....?

Cloudybutwarm Wed 24-Aug-16 12:37:49

Just popping in to say hi....
My 4yr old ds (5 in 3 weeks) has just been pretty diabolical over the last few months, it has been a bit of a shock to the system because he is normally quite wonderful, but something has really changed for him and I can't seem to get on top of it at all. I get to the end of the day and feel like I've done nothing but shout and threaten him all day which makes me want to weep. It's only a week and a half until he starts school and I'm so sad that it's turning in to a pretty miserable time. Everyday I vow to keep my patience and be kinder, and every day he pushes the buttons even more and it all goes to pot!
doesn't help that his little brother is a nightmare, but then he always has been so that feels differentgrin

Mner Wed 24-Aug-16 13:14:03

I'm really struggling today as well. We had some lovely plans for today but I just can't face going out with him anywhere, his behaviour has been so appalling.

MIL will take him out tomorrow and then preen about how wonderful he is with her.

healthyobsessions Wed 24-Aug-16 14:10:14

Couldybutwarm and Mner - totally get where your coming from, it's lovely to know I'm not the only one going through this tough stage!!!!

Mner Wed 24-Aug-16 21:40:50

Hope your day got better. Mine seemed to get worse. I must remember to be grateful to MIL tomorrow but try not to dread that she'll fill him full of sweets and buy him more tat and then leave me to deal with the comedown sad

Not too long til school starts...

healthyobsessions Wed 24-Aug-16 21:54:12

Mner - I have the same problem with my MIL sad

Mner Wed 24-Aug-16 23:23:25

I asked DS last week why he behaves for her/them and not me. He said it's because I say no. I am trying my hardest to see it as a good thing that I do say no despite his behaviour.

The worst time is normally handover from inlaws to us but today he was just taking the absolute piss and there was no inlaw in sight.

HalfStar Wed 24-Aug-16 23:29:44

Another owner of a 4 year old checking in. Tough day too here. Dh is away all week and there's been a lot of backchat and screeching. From us both confused
I feel I'm not handling it well at all and being very inconsistent.

DollyBarton Wed 24-Aug-16 23:34:48

Well how much experience do you have of being a mum to a 4yr old, a few months? Don't be so hard on yourself, if you think about it we are all new to every stage of being a mum to each individual child. Mine are all under 3 but I remember my close friends 4 yr old nearly breaking her. Awful child! And now at 6 she is possibly one of the nicest natured children I know and is very close with her mum. They have a great relationship now. Keep focused on what behaviour you want from her and repeat repeat repeat. If she's wearing you down walk away and get your head together. It will pass.

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